On my worst "vacation" ever

[Smile]

So I traveled to another state for 1 week, which I happen to have never really visited. I came for 2 reasons: 1. I have a lot of family here so just plain old visiting and 2. Im thinking of moving here so I want to check out the jay of the land and see i I actually like it.

Now, the reason I'm thinking of moving is bc I'm working on getting healthy, both physically and mentally, and then trying to have a child on my own(my lifelong dream). My T thinks I should be mentally able to... soon.

But everything's gone wrong since I got here. I rented a car (must have my own independence) which turned out to be crappy and the gps on my phone doesn't work!! So I'm trying to navigate foreign land without the foggiest idea of how to.

So first day here I have a MAJOR panic attack. Took Xanax, 3 days later still not completely over it.

Then my phone decides it can't pick up a wifi signal unless I'm a foot away from the modem. On the phone with apple live chat for hours... they can't help me. Make an appointment to go down to the Apple Store. Takes forever to get there and I mgit titakjy lost after leaving. Of course, Apple Store can't help me.

I don't think I've cried this much my whole life.

Sitting here feeling very suicidal ideationish, trying to think who I can/want to talk to about this. U go thru the list of family I'm visiting but have a diff reason y I can't share with them. The one constant theme is that I don't want to bother them. One just started a new job, onE has a new baby, another I just don't want to being their mood down. There's more but you get the idea.

And I just feel like pulling out every strand of hair from my head.

I just want to go home... back to my life where I do nothing but there's no surprises.'m

Arghhhhh

 

[Supervixn]

Wait... are you vacationing there for 2 weeks and planning on moving there? Or you've moved there already?

 

[The Albatross]

Any convenience store at a gas station or the nearest Walmart... and buy a map? Or mapquest when ya got a signal... but it seems like the signal is dodgy where you are.

 

[Smile]

Oh! And I just exchanged my car for a better one and they said I'm gonna be charged $300 smoking penalty. I KNOW I'm not allowed to smoke in the car but I was careful to have all the windows open.

BUT I was too scatterbrained to make sure there were no ashes :(

Wait... are you vacationing there for 2 weeks and planning on moving there? Or you've moved there alr...

Vacationing for ONE week and thinking of moving in December

Any convenience store at a gas station or the nearest Walmart... and buy a map? Or mapquest when y...

I got a map from the rental car company but I can't make heads or tails... I haven't used one in 25 years

 

[The Albatross]

Hmmm. Hard to believe that map reading may be a "lost" skill... but then point to point with a typographical map and a compass is too. I'm so old school I never go anywhere new without my atlas/map and first thing in a new place I get a city or county map.

 

[Supervixn]

Maps are terrible lol.

You're having several incidents of bad luck that are uncontrollable. Stressful... yes. But there are solutions, like even getting a cheaper phone to use just for gps (maybe return it later... why not). PTSD makes these incidents of stress much bigger than they would seem to others.

Are you somewhere in your mind putting too much pressure on yourself about December?

 

[LuckiLee]

Go to a book store and get an atlas instead of a map. Much more detail of the area. Mine is a lifesaver!!

Find a park and recharge for a bit.

We're here. :)

 

[Smile]

Maps are terrible lol.

You're having several incidents of bad luck that are uncontrollable. Stressf...

YES! December is looming like a dark cloud that's coming in a week! I keep reminding myself that it's FIVE months but that doesn't calm me. Still feels so short. Maybe I need to count down on hours

Go to a book store and get an atlas instead of a map. Much more detail of the area. Mine is a lifesaver...

Thanks but I'm just counting down the days until I leave... a bit less than 2! Ridiculous, I know