When is the right time to tell someone about ptsd in a relationship?

[LuckiLee]

I'd say after the first or second make out session. ;)

 

[Socha]

I take it that his demons and your demons didn't get on?

Oh, they did, they were of the same kind ;). It was us against the world but the world was too much for us. We weren't diagnosed back then and because we didn't know how to deal with it all we only made each other more and more miserable.

 

[EveHarrington]

Unloading the crazy wagon on the first couple of dates would be too much - for him and for me but I also...

I agree-----don't wait too long. It's not fair to him.

I had an ex who never revealed his disorder. He knew he had it, but I had to figure it out for myself. Let's just say I was f*cking pissed! I had a right to know about his disorder, and shouldn't have been sent on a wild goose chase guessing game to figure it out on my own, ultimately resorting to an armchair diagnosis on my part. (Which he did have an actual diagnosis of.)

Knowing would have changed my approach and made me give allowances in his struggles. Not knowing was a huge reason why I moved on in the end.

 

[EveHarrington]

Maybe I didn't get your post right but...
Eve wrote that her guy was open about his mental health struggl...

I'd like to clarify that my guys struggles are nowhere near the level of mine. I wouldn't be able to be with someone who wasn't functioning on a pretty normal level. There are millions of high functioning people out there with mental health issues, and fortunately he is one of them. I also know that I wouldn't be able to be with someone who had PTSD. That's FAR too much PTSD in one relationship for my comfort levels!

 

[EveHarrington]

Be careful, I dated a mental health sruggellest, that had a PHD in mental stuggles with a minor in...

I guess I don't understand what you are saying, or perhaps I gave the wrong impression of my relationship. Can you please clarify? Thanks!

 

[Deanna]

I guess I don't understand what you are saying, or perhaps I gave the wrong impression of my relationship. Can you please clarify? Thanks!

''

Some ( mental struggle) people with predatory PTSD with use you when you DON't know you have PTSD. Even sexually. They are on to PTSD people pretty quick. The guy I got involved with knew and I had no clue.. That's what I was saying ( I also said, DISCLAIMER..not all mental struggle people) ( mental struggle were your words) But some will use your a*s knowing full well that you are A) an intovert and don't socially get involved in to too many things) Trust me... if I find a guy that i like..I'll go to a hundred places at that time. Without him.. but.. at tis point, I really don't care. ( and I'm sure you know what it's like to be like that) actually, I've been that for awhile..( like years) So..anyway..I did have a rising romance with this guy.. or Christmas is a magical season and quite colorful too.

I do understand that I am not quite clear in my posts.. so thanks! :) I'll get there

Edit: okay, i re-read my first post in this thread ( at the bottom of the first post) I was replying to another thread ( that I read) my bad.

 

[Suzetig]

I'm not sure how someone can know you haveptsd when you yourself don't - unless they're a qualified professional making a full assessment which you're involved in and contribute to.

Yes there are predatory people out there but they can't diagnose you without your involvement.

 

[joeylittle]

Some ( mental struggle) people with predatory PTSD with use you when you DON't know you have PTSD.

I don't think there's such a thing as 'predatory PTSD'...

 

[Socha]

I'd like to clarify that my guys struggles are nowhere near the level of mine.

You don't have to justify anything and I didn't want to step on your toes with my comment. I know that problems can also create a strong feeling of bonding, that some struggles are harder than others and that it can work out with both being happy. It's just that positive people who don't have any of the problems that I'm dealing with are good for me so that's what I'm looking for in a relationship. I've been on the run for the most part of my life and I feel like I'm finally getting to a place where I feel at ease.

 

[Cannottakethis]

@The Albatross I felt the same way as you...let me throw this out at you and see if you'll catch kind of thing. There's a lot of people who will run from this stuff and I'd have rathered them run after a week than after getting too attached.

I've never heard of predatory ptsd @Deanna's Gap but there are definitely predators out there who can sniff out weaknesses in general and take advantage.

 

[The Albatross]

True enough... rather have someone head for the hills before romantically attached, you bet.

 

[grimalkin]

As a supporter, I wish I'd known about my partner's PTSD looooong before I did (and that I hadn't listened to him when he asked me to just trust him, it's not an issue, and don't research it. That's on me, but he also asked me to trust him). If he'd ever mentioned it early on, it was just an aside, and that the "only thing you need to know is if I say leave me alone, then leave me alone." But, I don't think he'd mentioned PTSD, just anger and anxiety issues.

Later in the relationship, when he was diagnosed with PTSD due to a work related injury, he said "It's nothing you need to worry about. It's better now." And I believed him again, unfortunately (and that's on me, too).

Once it finally came out (in couples counseling) he has cPTSD, and I started reading everything I could about cPTSD and PTSD, suddenly our whole relationship made sense. And I wish I'd known sooner so I could have actually had some sort of insight. Instead, I lost my boundaries, became codependent (again, on me too, not just him), and didn't realize my own mental health issues were affecting him so badly.

So, he ended our relationship.