Going no contact with a family member that is a narcissist

[Deleted member 12723]

But, oddly enough the love will still be there, just somewhere in the back and not so much in front and in your face....

You are so correct, I read something new today and it said sometimes we cannot trust our heart, and that rings so true for me. I cannot trust my heart at times because sometimes it gives the worst advice trying to help me to feel better.:confused::mad::oops:

I had to contact my daughter today to tell her to come and get her stuff out of my garage because I will not be here by the end of the month. I am going to stay with a friend until I can get back on my feet and I really think that staying with her and her son for Halloween and Thanksgiving will be great because I have been dreading facing the holidays alone this year.

I am doing the best I can in my situation but I do need her to know that her stuff will disappear if she does not come and get it. Have not heard back from her yet so it is her stuff and my friend said for me to sell it. I will wait a week and see if she responds or not. I do not care I just want the stuff gone. I am tired of helping her out. I will not do it anymore. I am not taking it with me. I am pretty done. Feeling a lot stronger today.:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I saw my daughter and the kids and the boyfriend yesterday from a distance with two police officers in my garage to protect my daughter from me supposedly as she finally came to get her stuff. I will look into the garage tomorrow to see what kind of a mess she left me with and what all she stole from me. When the police officer came into my home so my daughter and her boyfriend went into the kids rooms to get their things she and her boyfriend refused to look me in the face. My daughter was so full of rage she actually made herself look bad in front of the officer who sided with me. It was a horrible day and she was so cruel and hurtful to bring the kids to help her but would not allow them to see me.

I am doing much better today. I do not have to move this weekend after all because of a check that came in the mail. The source of her rage? Well I had bought her a camero in 2013 to thank her for all of her support of me when my husband died. She dropped the insurance on the car so I allowed the car to be repossessed and she is blaming me for this and also that the men who got the car took her and her boyfriends stuff with the car and she needs money to get it back and was attempting to strong arm me into giving her five hundred dollars for her stuff. I think if she is stupid enough to leave her ipod in the car then that is a natural consequence.

Thus the following debate with her. They thought it was more than fair to charge me five hundred dollars. I said that when she paid me back then I would give her the money and she owes me almost two thousand dollars for the first months rent in her apartment who I had co signed for them to get it. I am not going to sign the lease again so she can stay there and she is going to be upset but I layed a boundary down with her after yesterday that she is never again to ask me for anything.

She played some intimidating head games that backfired on her as well. I am just glad her stuff is gone now and I do not have to move because I got a good sized check in the mail from the car company that had auctioned off the car and paid me for the difference because the buyer paid a good price for the car. I do not know if she knows that I got money for the car, but she is not getting another cent from me.

I now have a face so full of rage and hate and blame at me so I doubt seriously that I will be missing her again because that is not the daughter that I raised. She has become a total stranger to me,one I do not want to have anything to do with ever again.So good came out of the bad for me, @She Cat in that I see her as she is and I know in my heart that this is not the person I was missing so much the other day. She is free to hate and blame me the rest of her life from now on as long as she stays far away from me. I never ever want to see her again. A text does not show the person's true colors and I saw hers yesterday. I was actually glad the police were there and she basically made herself look like a loser in front of the police and my manager and owner of the apartments that I live in. They do not have a reguard for my daughter at all.

It feels like a measure of justice for me now. I am doing so much better and have been really able to let go and detach from her now. I actually feel peace in my heart with her being the way she is now. I am going to be okay.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hopefully you can now move forward in all of this..... hugs!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hopefully you can now move forward in all of this..... hugs!!!

I really believe that I am set free from my unhealthy attachment to her now and will be free to move on with my life. I am feeling so much better today and I was able to wake up and not feel so stressed for the first time in a really long time.

Now that I have a visual picture of her angry face and voice and have seen the hate and rage in her, it opened a door to be able to walk away from her without a word and leave her to herself from now on. With the attitude she now has, she is a very miserable and angry and bitter person who is totally eaten up with rage and hate. She is free to be this way without me from now on. I actually feel set free from the toxic bonds. :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

 

[shimmerz]

Now that I have a visual picture of her angry face and voice and have seen the hate and rage in her, it opened a door to be able to walk away from her without a word and leave her to herself from now on.

Yeah, this was super helpful for me too the last time I saw my kids father. I couldn't believe the rage in him. It really helped me to make decisions about my future involvement (which is none). Much easier for me to make decisions about any of them.

For some reason I had to actually experience his murderous eyes, you know?
Great job @Rain.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

For some reason I had to actually experience his murderous eyes, you know?

Me too, it really made such a huge difference for me, because I now have something that is currant and real to go on. I do not want to encounter that again. Thank you so much for what you said.:hug::hug::hug:

 

[DharmaGirl]

I'm so glad you got the check and don't have to move!!! And your daughter's stuff is no longer there, so she has no reason to harass you!! I'm so glad things worked out well and you can let your daughter go. When my ex sent a letter threatening me to my son to give to me, that was the end for me. I'm glad it worked out!

And really, you can pay her back by saying she only owes you 1,500, since you know she won't pay you. That 500 is bullshit anyway.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

And really, you can pay her back by saying she only owes you 1,500, since you know she won't pay you. That 500 is bullshit anyway.

I laughed so hard at this one and so wished I had thought of that to say it to her. She was fuming mad because I had her and she could not come up with any kind of comeback. I guess she believes that her rage is getting her, her own way. She will be disappointed very much in life as long as he believes that. I am sorry that your ex was playing such cruel mind games with you and your son. I am glad you are free of him now. Hugs.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Today is my daughter's birthday. I am okay today. I had a bit of a overreaction a few days ago, but am fine this morning. I am doing way better than I have been. Seeing her and her boy toy boyfriend in my apartment taking some of the kids things was really hard but I did bounce back and am going to be alright now.

Life has turned a corner for me in this regard and I am being very creative. I bounced back so fast it makes my head spin.

I am tired this early in the morning yet I am beginning to thrive as well. I like where I am right now.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

As a follow up to my last writing, I received seven very short videos from my daughter which woke me from a sound sleep around two am this morning. I did not have my glasses on so I thought that my daughter had made videos of my grandson talking to me.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain Nothing quite that drastic, but after I threw her out the first time when she got out of jail, she went right to the liquor store and proceeded to get wasted for days. Her FIL finally called me.

Personally, I think your daughter is in need of some serious intervention and maybe now she will get it. I hope the police took her to the nearest hospital and they are holding her. I also believe that she sent you the video on purpose to guilt trip you. It's the last way she could to get your attention. You've held on for months, and even through her picking up her stuff. She doesn't understand the "new you". She only knows the old you that would immediately react and go running to her. She's baffled by this behavior of yours and doesn't know how to get your attention. Remember, when people change, the ones around them DON'T LIKE IT!!! They will do anything to upset the apple cart. Anything they can to make you revert to OLD behavior, because it what THEY KNOW and how to react to it. You are not playing the game, and she doesn't know what to do!!!

If I were you, I'd do nothing for now. Don't contact her, done call, nothing. You did good!!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Personally, I think your daughter is in need of some serious intervention and maybe now she will get it.

I think you are right about this. I so agree with you but the whole family enables her to do whatever she pleases and rewards her for this kind of stuff. No one calls her on any of it. So it may take an outside source. I will find out tonight when they do a follow up call.

If I were you, I'd do nothing for now. Don't contact her, done call, nothing. You did good!!!!

Thank you, this is my plan to not get involved. I am staying far away and only using the third party for any kind of assistance as in this situation.

I also believe that she sent you the video on purpose to guilt trip you. It's the last way she could to get your attention. You've held on for months, and even through her picking up her stuff. She doesn't understand the "new you". She only knows the old you that would immediately react and go running to her. She's baffled by this behavior of yours and doesn't know how to get your attention.

Thank you for this, because this makes so much sense to me. She did not say or act hatefully on the videos. She also sent these out to her friends and maybe some family members I am not sure. But she was talking to a group of people in the videos. At least that was the impression I got from them.

She has said and done anything that she could come up with and nothing has worked to get me to go running back and react. I have become a brick wall. When she stole the pictures from my house I told her that I was not going to call the police. But this time I did. I am crossing my fingers and praying that they took her with them at least to the hospital for a hold.

She really does need an intervention badly. Thanks for your insights, I found them to be very helpful as usual.:hug: