Going no contact with a family member that is a narcissist

[Deleted member 12723]

I am going to take the following issue into therapy. I have co signed a lease for my daughters apartment and I have decided not to re sign it when it is time to do so. If my daughter went ballistic over the repossesion of her car I can just imagine where her head will be when I get off the hook to be financially responsible for her apartment. The thing that really bothers me is the choice to not sign the papers will impact the poor kids drug into the middle by my daughter. But I cannot bail her out anymore and she will have lived in this apartment two years. I hate to do this to the kids and my therapist will help me to sort out my thoughts and feelings so that my daughter will not be able to hook me in again. I am so done with her. After the last thing she did, I am not going to support her anymore and officially launch her into her own life. I do not have to worry about the time because I think I have six months to prepare. I am not going to warn her either because she would trash the place and stick me with the bill which I cannot afford to pay. I am just plain weary of her rages. I quit. So I will be ready but @She Cat with your experience with your own daughter if you think of anything that would be good to know please chime in. I am just wanting to be finally free of her completely and off the hook financially. The guilt with the kids is going to be the challenge to face and deal with.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain Not only do I think it's a good idea, I think it's an awesome idea. For her to finally have to grow up and be on her own and for you to stop enabling her. I'm so proud of all of the steps that you are taking to heal, to stop enabling and to protect yourself for further abuse. Yup, she will throw a shit fit, but I advise you to block her number, and any other means too. You don't need to hear or see whatever shit she will start spewing.

Not sure how your T will go with this, but ultimately it's YOUR decision. I will support you in which ever way you decide to go.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I will support you in which ever way you decide to go.

Thank you so much for supporting me through this one too. I am determined to follow through on this one no matter what. I will need the support of my therapist to be able to do this choice. Thanks for being so strong on my behalf. I am glad you like this idea. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain You are stronger than you give yourself credit!!!!!

 

[Heather]

She cat is right... @Rain you are very strong!

Always remember that.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Sorry @Heather I just saw this one tonight. Thank you for believing in me.

My daughter is being very quiet and leaving me alone. It sure is peaceful. Love you

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am having a rough day, feeling all kinds of hurt underneath layers and layers of anger. I think I am going to call my therapist tomorrow for some tips on coping with all of this emotion today.

I am so very angry at my daughter for destroying the family by her own will for whatever trumped up charges she has lied about against me. I am missing the kids, the huge amount of pain inside of me covered over by so much anger.

I have tried to write a angry letter that I am not going to send. I have written about it. I need to detach and let go again.

The grief is the worst thing that has happened to me in such a very long time. I understand that it is going to take as long as long as it takes and my hands are just plain tied under all of her nonsense.

She has completely changed and I am pretty sure her boyfriend has so much to do with this too. i think that she is hiding something very big that has to do with the kids that she does not want me to know about because she knows I will call them in. I am so tempted to call child protective services to do a home check on the kids to make sure that they are okay.

She has totally destroyed me. I am only a shadow of my former confident self. My self worth is so low at this time. I am hurting so badly on the inside and so wish I could have a conversation with her, but she has completely cast me away from my precious grandchildren. I hate what she has accomplished and I hate that I am still grieving and will continue to do so until I have deal with every ounce of this grief.

I want to smash her face in. I have so much pent up frustration inside of me.

 

[Hooper]

We can't post links but search under youtube "Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski on anger". Like you I have anger issues out the wazoo. I'm angry at very few people but it is to the extreme. This is advice from a member of a race that a large group of people tried to exterminate from our planet and a larger group knew this and did little to nothing about it. You and I have nothing on Dr. Twerski. Wish you all the best. If this is against myptsd policy I'll donate another $50 for a get out of jail free card.
sincerely,
hooper

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you so very much. I appreciate this one.

 

[ladee]

I'm so sorry and so understand how you are feeling... many years ago way before going no contact with J, when my granddaugter was only about four, he got pissed about God knows what and kept her from me.... he had to drive right thru town.... and he lied to her, because she was wanting to see Granny.... he lied to her, and of course made it look like I cared nothing about her..... our relationship changed forever, mine and hers after that..... so I get the wanting to bash the face in .... or other really ugly things we want to do sometimes to those two selfish brats of ours.....

I know how bad this hurts... and wish I had something to share that would take the pain away.... but I don't... I cried a lot of tears over this for a long while.... I hate to think what those two are going to get for Karma.... hope I'm there to see it.....

Can only send you lots of comforting hugs.... but that doesn't take the pain and anger away..... thinking of you Rain.... sorry you are having to go thru this because of her selfishness.....

 

[Deleted member 34561]

Hi Rain I get the thing about wanting to smash the narcs face in I really do. I have a shit list of about ten people including my mum my older brother and several social workers I would dearly love to sort out if you get my meaning regarding what they did to me and my kids. This morning I woke up in tears yet again over their collective abuse of us all and besides myself with rage and sorrow. I guess this means we are both grieving my friend. These feelings have to come out and be released so they don't destroy us which is what the narcs want. We must not let them win love. By all means write that letter but don't send it. If you do really believe your grandchildren are in danger then make an anonymous report to CPS. And just keep talking to us here about your feelings. If you have a therapist make full use of them as well. You can't carry this kind of burden alone darling. My best to you and a great big (((((hug))))))) if you want it. Xoxo

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Rain You will have many many days like this until you can finally come to terms with the fact that she is ill and it’s probably better that things are best the way that they are. Took me a long time to get there.

Yes, I felt like you do so many times. Cried my heart out, even tried suicide because the pain was so great. I hurt for yrs and yrs over this. We would reconcile for a short time and then boom, no contact again and I’d have to go through the hurt one more time of missing the grandkids.

I don’t know what the answers are for you, only that I know the pain of what you are going through, and that she isn’t likely to change her behavior.

Im guess It’s the holidays approaching and the thoughts of being alone too that may have you in a tailspin. All I can say is stay strong, and find something to do to keep you busy during that time. It won’t be easy, I know, as do many others here know too....