DID How to tell my pastor about my did

[Keen]

Hi, I'm new here. I just got diagnosed with DID, I've been diagnosed with PTSD for a few years now.

It looks like this forum is where people are posting about DID so I hope this is the right place.

I'm looking for advice or resources to help other people understand my diagnosis. In particular, this Sunday I have a meeting with my pastor to explain whats been going on with me.

I don't want him to freak out or think I'm dangerous based on how the media portray this condition. I just don't know how to explain what it means that I have DID, I'm so at a loss. It feels like such a shameful condition to have, like I must be weak or immature or something.

How did you explain it to people in simple ways so they understood what having DID entails?

Are there any online articles you know of that explain it in an easy way?

Thanks in advance,
Keen

 

[whiteraven]

Hi! I guess my first question to you would be is it really important that you tell your pastor about the DID right now so soon after getting your diagnosis? I mean, is this something you really want to do right now?

The reason I ask is because it often takes awhile to adjust to being DID. You said yourself that you feel that it is a "shameful" condition to have. I'm thinking that it might be better accepted by friends if *you* accepted it in a more positive light. What do you think?

For me, it was (and is) important to be able to talk about DID, not as a shameful thing that I have to hide, but as an integral and vital part of who I am. When I talk to new people about it now, I usually start by talking about dissociation as a normal behavior that everybody does. Then I move on from there. If you talk about it as part of a spectrum, it doesn't seem so...I don't know, weird, I guess. What I've learned over the years, though, is that NOBODY has to know. I used to believe I owed an explanation for my behavior to everybody. That caused me a lot of undue stress. In fact, you can keep the fact that you are DID to yourself or between you and your therapist and never tell another soul if that's what you choose to do.

As I said, DID sometimes takes a while to adjust to - for some it often takes a long while. That doesn't mean you can't tell anybody about it, but you might want to understand a little about how it affects you before you do. And maybe you already do, which is great! I waited awhile and then told someone I was very close to, a very close friend. I gave him a book to read - a memoir of a multiple - along with a letter explaining that I shared the same diagnosis as the author. There are all kinds of ways to tell family and friends; you can use what they know about your behavior (for example, if they've seen or interacted with alters/insiders/personalities or not) and go from there.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Teamwork]

I feel the same as whiteraven. It’s hard enough for us to understand our own did let alone explain it and hope the hearer also understands. I have trust issues and my church family pastor included are the last people I would share this with. The reason for me is they are my safe family, my safe outing, my safe community and yet having said safe three times, did is not safe to share there. They know about my ptsd and some handle it well others get overly cautious such as in spreading word not to touch me or hug me unless I ask. Some protect me when I can’t sit at the table with others and let me be where I need to be in the room. Pastors can know we are working on healing trauma, ptsd and abuse. Most pastors in my understanding have limited skills in understanding much about mental health issues outside of spiritual conditions of the heart. I typically start there and ask if they understand both mental health as doctors describe it and mental health as pastors are trained to view it. They are often to different things.

 

[New]

Whiteraven said it perfectly. I regret telling about mine.

I was in denial about it for a while though.

 

[whiteraven]

I feel the same as whiteraven. It’s hard enough for us to understand our own did let alone explain i...

Yes. And we can tell about ptsd and depression and the other stuff we deal with without going into the DID. That's pretty much what I do now. Nobody really needs to know about the DID, unless they are living with us and exposed to insiders/alters and dealing with them regularly.

I do have a handful of folks I've told over the years, but it's been only after I was very, very sure they would be ok with it and I could explain it in a way that honored all of us.

 

[Keen]

Thank you for these thoughts everyone. This is good stuff to think about.
I once heard or read something about PTSD being a spectrum and DID being at the one far end of it. Anyone know where that's from?

 

[Ronin]

No, but it's factually incorrect.

Trauma can cause many things, one of them being trauma disorders (like PTSD) and other type being personality disorders (like D.I.D.), with some overlap, particularly in the dissociation angle, but they're separate and distinct disorders, just sharing in common they're all rooted in trauma.

 

[shimmerz]

PTSD being a spectrum and DID being at the one far end of it

I think you might be thinking of dissociation being on a spectrum with DID being at the far end of it.

Types of Dissociative Disorders, List of Dissociative Disorders - Dissociative Identity Disorder - Abuse | HealthyPlace

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Trauma can cause many things, one of them being trauma disorders (like PTSD) and other type being personality disorders (like D.I.D.), with some overlap, particularly in the dissociation angle, but they're separate and distinct disorders, just sharing in common they're all rooted in trauma.

DID isn't a personality disorder. It is listed in the DSM as a Dissociative Disorder, and is understood to be traumagenic in nature. It has the word personality in its name, but it has nothing to do with personality disorders.

While Borderline Personality Disorder is technically a Personality Disorder, most clinicians and current research actually think of it as a lesser form of PTSD/CPTSD, which they also think of as a lesser version of DID. They are all treated as versions of dissociative disorders, even though they aren't all labelled as such in the DSM5.

So, current research suggests that the dissociative spectrum goes like this:

BPD -> PTSD - > DDNOS -> DID

Also, I second the idea that no one really needs to know about DID, especially if there are any questions at all about whether or not that person will be supportive. There is so much stigma associated with DID, and we need to protect ourselves.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

I once told a pastor I had DID and he, from then on, considered me unstable and not capable of participating in any capacity in the church community. That's the last time I told a pastor about my DID. It's on a need to know basis and the only people who need to know are my husband and my therapist. Period.

 

[Keen]

Thanks for all these thoughts, everyone! I really understand that its probably an unsafe choice to bring it up. Maybe its safer to just say PTSD, which is more understandable and acceptable to people.
Keen

 

[Keen]

So, current research suggests that the dissociative spectrum goes like this:

BPD -> PTSD - > DDNOS -> DID

Thank you for clarifying this, @theshadowoftheliving !