Do you ever feel like you just want someone to save you?

[LosingHope]

I am post-therapy and I am feeling a combination of helplessness and anger. I am in a place where I desperately want someone to help/save me (whatever that looks like), yet simultaneously fear it too. I know only I can help myself, but I am so tired of helping myself and sometimes want someone to scoop me up and keep me safe. I guess this is what it felt like all that time ago when I wanted someone to see and notice my fear/pain/distress and the situation that I was in. The feelings are strong. I want to cry and yet there is too much anxiety and anger and feelings of being completely overwhelmed that are preventing me from just feeling my sadness.

Just had to let that out I suppose...

 

[saraemerald]

I can relate totally. This has caused me to sabotage myself, not wanting to be strong all the time

 

[LosingHope]

@saraemerald I know! I turn it in on myself too and self destruct. It is so hard to just survive each day. Some days I get tired. Other days like today, I feel angry, helpless and overwhelmed.

 

[saraemerald]

That's the same place I am in too. When I was still idealistic and optimistic towards life and fighting to rise above and be strong, I got disheartened by people in my life. I've been trying to find a balance in my perspective since.

 

[LosingHope]

@saraemerald I hear you. It is sad how the times where we need the most help and feel so desperate for it, we turn against ourselves.

 

[saraemerald]

I turned against myself when I was what I thought, the best place in my life, mentally, physically, emotionally, etc and I had worked very hard for years to get there and wanted my friends to notice and be happy for me but they didn't and I guess I was tired of being strong for God, myself and other people. I don't know exactly what triggered it but I did turn against myself and hurt my life. I had never reacted that way before.
I think it was a combination of growing up abused, growing up in a cult and not feeling truly understood and wanting true friends and stability.
There are good people out there though. Sometimes it's just us working through our hurts and other times it's a lack of people understanding us because they've never gone through what we have

 

[LosingHope]

@saraemerald - there are wonderful people out there and there are people who are unable or unwilling to understand. Maybe we don't need to be strong for other people or even our adult selves, but for the child who was abused/traumatised and who DID need rescuing and who DOES need us now x

 

[mumstheword]

@saraemerald I know! I turn it in on myself too and self destruct. It is so hard...

I'm am in that same place at the moment but I start a new therapy tomorrow so I'm kinda psyched about that. My head is so pinging and paining, it's the foggy-tight-trauma brain pain. I am trembling and finding it hard to move and function. My triggering neighbor turned up on my doorstep this morning and it wasn't good for me. Not sleeping much, my guy is away. Pretty much a mess. I want to be taken care of too!

 

[EveHarrington]

Can you explain what you mean by post-therapy?

Thanks.

 

[LosingHope]

@mumstheword good luck with your new therapy! I find therapy is the place where I hold the most hope so when I leave feeling helpless it can be overwhelming! My husband is away too and so its always that little bit harder I think because of the empty space and time to think and feel! I hope it goes well for you tomorrow x
@EveHarrington by 'post-therapy' I mean that I just left a session that was very difficult!

 

[mumstheword]

@mumstheword good luck with your new therapy! I find therapy is the place where I...

Thank you @LosingHope !
It feels like a mammoth task to get out this morning but I must move my arse so I can get to my first session. I finally slept last night and wish I could for 10 more hours! Oh well better up and at it! I hope things ease up for you LosingHope. I do get that it's often pretty much just about unbearably tough lots of the time. I hope you can comfort yourself through this and find some relief. (((((Hugs))))) if your open to them! Take care!
I found trauma diarying helps me drain a bit out of my trauma cup I would be way more of a mess by now if not for that! And art. And peer supporting others and receiving it. Good luck!

 

[EveHarrington]

@mumstheword good luck with your new therapy! I find therapy is the place where I...

Ok thanks for clarifying!

Post-therapy could also be interpreted as someone who is done with therapy/not in therapy anymore so I wanted to clarify without making an assumption!

Hugs.