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Relationship Dating combat vet who ghosted

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@sadgirl I’m sorry you are hurting. I think you have done the right thing and the only thing you could do by reaching out when you did. When my sufferer left, my therapist told me that was all I could do. The therapist also told me there was really nothing I could do or say that would make my sufferer feel any different. The best I could do is let my sufferer know I was there for her but she had to process her response on her own terms.

Other sufferers can give us insight like @Freida did and that helps me to understand what might be going on in my sufferers head but I have learned that, at the end of the day, we must try to help ourselves first.

@sadgirl I’ve been doing this for 11 years. I do not tell you this to diminish your feelings; quite the contrary, I tell you this so you know that I can truly empathize with you. It is possible that you may never hear from him again and it’s possible he may come back. Only he knows his future path. Your path is to heal from your loss and, over time, to let go. Learn as much about his illness as you can from our stories but always take care of you first.

Hugs if appropriate and you accept them from me. :hug:
 
@Snowflakes. thank you for your kindness and wise words. No one knows what was between us or what our relationship was about except him and me. I have to trust what I know and trust that he already knows it's safe to talk to me if and when he chooses. I want something different than where we ended up, even if that's only a better and less painful ending. There is nothing I can say to make him want that. A message, regardless of it's content, would likely be reacted to negatively as an attempt to influence. Silence sends a different message, that I'm taking care of myself and respecting him by letting him decide what he wants for himself.

I'm grateful for the hugs, and accept them any time. Hugs to you as well, if that is ok.
 
Just went through a similar thing, except we still have a little bit of contact everyday. We were very intense too until some drama happened he couldn't control, moved back home and broke up with me. We still talk on snap chat everyday but maybe one or two comments. Used to be from the time we woke up all day full of emojis and texts til we went to bed if we weren't spending the might together. Now I feel like I barely know him our convos are so non emotional like we never loved each other or dated. Like a light switch turned off all his emotions. Sad when a month earlier we were saying I love you. It's hard to let go with these type of guys. Who can better handle them than us? I worry about that. But I know I need to save my heart and move on and let him go. Hang in there! Hugs to you Sadgirl.You are not alone!!
 
Thank you @Freida

Reading your post helps me to take things less personally. It's also kind of frustrating because I see you articulating what you go through so well, I see your self-awareness, and I see you returning to the love and support of your partner. It's easy for me, and others on here I'm sure, to wonder why our sufferer/ex can't be so self-aware? How come, all this time later, they haven't realized what was happening and come back - at least to apologize, explain, or be accountable in some way.

Obviously, not everyone is as far along in their healing or has the same handle on their symptoms.
 
I totally get it that during an episode, they may not be able to be self-aware or accountable. I'm talking about after.
 
Is he still feeling that reaction months later? What does he feel now? Indifference? Does he feel unsafe, associating me with being a trigger, and never wants to see me again? Does he feel embarrassed?About not having a better coping strategy. That I saw how he's struggling. That he hurt me?

yep. Sorry @sadgirl but that's pretty much how it goes. And then add love you like you want to be with you don't talk to me blah blah. Up down and side to side. I think that is what makes it so hard for the supporters --- you are looking for an answer that makes sense and there just isn't one.

How can I communicate to him that he has nothing to fear from me in terms of anger or judgment. That it's safe to talk to me?
I'm sorry -- but you can't. He has to get his thinking straight in his head first, then he can think about others. And who knows how long that will take. If its been months uou may have to let him go and accept there is not going to be an answer. I know that's not what you wanted to hear but .....
 
@WTF Happened Like I said to @sadgirl -- the biggest part of PTSD is that things rarely make sense. And honestly - sometimes at the end of an episode either: I'm so f*cking embarrassed at my behavior I never want to see the person again or I've decided that they don't want me in their lives and I move on. That's the part you are both missing. My brain is miss-wired. I go forward and don't connect that "behind" is something I should be looking at. If I wander away from someone it never occurs me to go back. And if they try to chase me I'll run. It's like walking a tightrope that is on fire.
 
@WTF Happened My brain is miss-wired. I go forward and don't connect that "behind" is something I should be looking at.

Though it almost sounds like you do. If you can say that it doesn't connect that you should be looking back at what's happened, aren't you in fact connecting? If you can describe your behavior, then you're not ignorant of it, right?
 
True - but these days I am MILES ahead of where I was when I was at my worst. "behind" didn't exists to me then. Today I can look at my actions and stop and look backwards also. That doesn't mean I will react the way you want me too. It could be just a ..hmm lookeee that...bunch of crap back there. But its an improvement. And that's what I want you to realize. looking back and still choosing to bail is an improvement over not looking back at all -- from my point of view. For the supporter? Not much of a change. Either way I'm still bailing.
Because I have to escape.
 
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