I struggle with taking space when i need it

[EveHarrington]

I struggle with taking space when I need it.

I have no problem pushing people away, so to me, taking needed space feels like I’m pushing someone away. Even though it’s not.

I REALLY need space right now. I’m drowning in symptoms and have zero resources available for anyone else.

I fear that taking the space I need will result in destroyed relationships.

I feel so trapped.

Help?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I struggle with taking space when I need it.

I have no problem pushing people away, so to me, taking needed space feels like I’m pushing someone away. Even though it’s not.

Can you give an example of what taking space looks like and is? I need to understand better.

 

[EveHarrington]

Can you give an example of what taking space looks like and is?

I need time to myself where I don’t have to worry about everyone else and what they want. I need to be able to take care of my own needs.

 

[Justmehere]

It's still a little unclear what you are trying to achieve. Is it a reducing in contact? Is it a request that others do not ask you for help or support at this time, but stay connected on other matters?

Boundaries are helpful to sustaining a relationship. Its better than pushing someone away, there is more of a chance to stay in relationship over the long haul. Boundaries are not about changing others, but our own actions.

Don't make it about them. Instead, tell the person(s) you are taking space, to take care of you and what you need, ask for the specific space you need. If they do not respect that, then let them know, that because of what you need right now, you are going to end conversations and etc, until you are ready to connect.

Does that help a little?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I need time to myself where I don’t have to worry about everyone else and what they want. I need to be able to take care of my own needs.

You are not pushing anyone away then, all people need what you need and meet those needs without worrying that they are pushing people away. If someone was to come to you and ask you to meet a need at this time when you were meeting your own much needed space, you could simply say that you were busy and would get back to them I think

Maybe the issue for you is that you are the one that feels you are pushing people away which is probably rooted in your past traumas with your dad who made you feel this way which was a blatant lie if this is the case for you, I am not knowing really and want to be able to understand.

You have excellent boundaries Eve, and do not come off anything but very assertive. My opinion I know. I think you have been healing in leaps recently anyway and I applaud your inner growth. You are not pushing people away by meeting your own needs based on what you have said and I do not think you will ruin relationships, again something you have heard that was based on a lie to manipulate and control you in my opinion. I hope this helps.

 

[saraemerald]

Space is very necessary sometimes and it's definitely not selfish. True friends should understand this. It's tiring when you don't take care of yourself and your needs

 

[Freida]

"Normal" people get to say, "I just need a break for a day or so" and no one bats an eye. We even think it and we have to analyze - is this a trigger? am I running? Is this ghosting? When sometimes its just a simple need to take a break from the world, read a book, soak in a tub, have some chocolate.
I saw a great T shirt the other day that said "I'm not going out today, it's to peopley out there!"

 

[EveHarrington]

"Normal" people get to say, "I just need a break for a day or so" and no one bats an eye. We even think...

Yes, EXACTLY!

 

[IamFree]

Your real freinds will have no problem with you taking time for your self

 

[Hojay]

As a supporter to a fellow who needs a lot of space, I'd say it's not the what but the how that makes the difference. A simple "hey, stuff is just a bit much right now, I need to reduce my input a little. I love you, it's really not your fault or about anything you did. I'll be back to it in x days. Is that okay?" The "is that okay?" is really just a rhetorical question. Others have no right to tell you if it's okay or not, but it does give them a sense that you're involving them and makes them see that you know how this may feel/look to them. All this beats the "Holy &$(#, I need to be @#&$(# alone right now!" my sufferer has liked to sign off with in the past...:)

 

[EveHarrington]

As a supporter to a fellow who needs a lot of space, I'd say it's not the what but the how that makes the...

I don’t have a partner so I think this doesn’t really apply. I would never need to “involve” anyone in this decision if they weren’t a partner.

 

[Freida]

@EveHarrington I am trying to include my general supporters in tings like this along with hubby --- because they recently chewed my ass for forgetting them! LOL