Dom Violence I never thought i could do it...but i did

[Deleted member 34561]

@Whirlwind I'm really glad I made you smile mate!! We both have lots to smile about that's for sure. Dunno about you but I feel like I've had a major reprieve and I've got a second shot at life. We haven't got time or energy to waste on people who don't make us feel good about ourselves. They only try to break us down to build themselves up anyway. We should both be proud we made it out at all. Lots of people don't. I guess we can count ourselves extremely lucky. Or perhaps fortunate is a better word. Well you know what they say. Fortune favours the brave. You have been very very brave my friend. A good thing to remember is that courage is not an absence of fear. Everyone feels frightened especially those of us with PTSD. But true grit and bravery is pushing through that fear and overcoming it. And the more we do it the braver we get. I honestly feel that after what we've both been through nothing will ever faze me that much again. You describe the futility and horror and hopelessness of DV so eloquently. I can't believe that this time 5 months ago I was still trapped with my own abuser. Unlike you I didn't go to a DV group but I still managed to get that f*cking lunatic out of my house anyway. I did however have to flee another DV situation just over 23 years ago when my eldest kid was just a babe in arms. We ended up in a women's refuge but just a few months later I found myself in another abusive situation the one I've just ended. Like you I never thought I could end it and it really did take every ounce of courage strength and cunning I had left to do so. Like someone else said it really was 'do or die' it literally was a matter of life or death a matter of SURVIVAL. Now we are both free to start thriving and living. That is indeed something to celebrate my friend. Keep smiling mate it can only get better and better for us both from here on in :)

 

[Rose White]

@Whirlwind that is so awesome and amazing! It sounds weird saying I’m proud of you because then it seems like I’m above you and I’m so not—I’m in the trenches, but when people tell me they are proud of me it makes me feel good so I’M PROUD OF YOU!

Your bravery in action and courage in sharing with us is truly inspiring. Every time I read something like this I feel closer to my self and my truth. Thanks for posting.

 

[Whirlwind]

'take pride in your actions'.... because those of us who were there, we know what it takes to get out....

It is hard to explain to people....the realizations that slowly build and the reality of the situation is so soul sucking and humiliating. Getting out took everything I had...I left my FOO as a young person, it was brutal.

Having to oust myself "out" a second time...it almost didn't happen. I felt that in life you have only so much courage, so much impetus to free ones self from such an ordeal. It was too close...but worth every terrifying minute to be setting here now.

I was always healthy until the last few years, issues for the first time in my life. My abuser just ignored me and worse, you all know the drill.

I needed support and help and he was no where to be seen, to the point of expecting me to "hide" it with his friends so as not to "ruin" their time.

My point is that it hit me.....somehow for the first time....what the hell is going to happen when I am elderly??

What if I have a more serious health issue??!!

The reality of my future self being fragile and dependent on him scared the hell out of me. I couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like to be old, infirm and reliant on such a person.

Terrifying. That was a major wake up call for me.

I feel like I've had a major reprieve and I've got a second shot at life. We haven't got time or energy to waste on people who don't make us feel good about ourselves.

Exactly. I feel I have a new life now. It is as fresh and very new but wonderful.

I'm experiencing the same sense of things and with people.....the abuse crushed any and all boundaries and I stopped trusting myself entirely. LOL...it just never occurred to me such a person would LIE and manipulate a "loved one" to such a heinous degree. It cracked my foundation.

There were unexpected benefits during my ordeal...truth revealed. No nonsense, photo documented PROOF of some of the insanity I was exposed to.... I have to admit, showing that to a lawyer and my former therapist felt amazing. People just cant really believe it until they have been through it. My abuser is Mr. Wonderful to the world. I get why it is so hard to believe...I fell for him too!

But finally having tangible proof along with the horrified reactions of professionals, it strengthened me tremendously.

Things were NOT my imagination....I was not being paranoid.....it was NOT due to my PTSD.

I used to trust myself and I am working on that now....if I don't feel right around someone, I'm not questioning it, I'm trusting myself. My time is too precious right now. I have a lot to rebuild but whatever shape it takes, I am good. I am far happier alone and I feel far less lonely despite being truly alone. Now I see only blue skies ahead :)

It sounds weird saying I’m proud of you

That is a wonderfully nice thing to say, you made my day :)

Wishing everyone happiness and freedom. Thanks so much for talking with me.

Hugs, Whirlwind

 

[Deleted member 34561]

Oh yes @Whirlwind I know exactly what you're talking about when you said your former abuser would tell you that you were imagining things because of the PTSD. Mine did the very same thing even when I caught him in the act of molesting my dog!!! I know what I saw him doing to her but he told me it was all in my head because of cannabis psychosis and my past experiences of sexual abuse from other people including my family. But I wasn't even stoned at the time nor drunk nor hungover. It was 6 o'clock in the morning and I was wide awake and my mind was as clear as a bell. However unlike you I had no tangible proof such as a photo or video evidence only my perceptions which my former abuser constantly undermined trying to make me doubt them all the time with no let up. In the last week alone that he was in my house he gaslighted me at least 4 times that I can count. But I finally know and accept who the nutter is out of the two of us and it's not me not matter what he says to the contrary. And it was always him right from the off. We're well shot of both our abusers @Whirlwind. Now we can enjoy the rest of our lives without bastards like them messing with our heads and feelings.

And I also know what you mean when you said you were dreading old age and infirmity if you had to rely on someone like that to 'care' for you. I felt exactly the same way my friend. I think it was that which motivated me above all else to kick my abuser to the kerb. Yes it was terrifying but the thought of him having even more control over me in later life was worse, even more terrifying. So I did what I had to do as did you mate. If we don't stand up for ourselves and protect ourselves from monsters like our ex abusers, who the hell else will? Fortunately I still had enough self esteem left to realise that I was worth more than his abuse of me and my dog.

It was seeing what he did to my dog that was the last straw though. She couldn't protect herself from him and because he wasn't physically hurting her she didn't know that what he was doing to her was wrong poor little thing. I suspect my kids went through the same thing with him. And dogs are like kids in that they are innocent defenceless and don't know any different. I was unable to protect myself or my kids from this bastard until I wised up and got stronger. When I did I was damned if I was going to let him abuse my dog too. I reported him to animal welfare but they haven't done anything about it. He still wants to see the dog but if he thinks I'm going to leave them alone together then he's got another think coming. The problem is my dog loves him to bits despite what he has done to her. Like a kid she doesn't understand that he's dangerous. She misses him because he's not around. But I don't want anything to do with him ever again. Understandably so. Oh well she'll get over him eventually. I bloody well have. Once again thank you for sharing your story with us. It really helps to know I'm not the only one. God bless you xx

 

[Deleted member 541]

Congratulations.... You have found your independence and can now do whatever...... You have balls!!!!!!!