Vulnerability: how do you do it?

[ms spock]

I mean what's the up side to vulnerability?

The upside to feeling vulnerability is the ability to feel joy, happiness, awe, being present in this now, and not reexperiencing the trauma of the past, being able to feel a sense of belonging, and all the positive feelings available to the experience of being a human being, unfortuately you can't selectively numb vulnerability, and not numb all the positive feelings as well. Yeah a real bummer I know!

 

[EveHarrington]

I really opened up to my therapist last session telling her the nuts and bolt of what was going on....

If you’re not vulnerable you can never feel love.

 

[UnicornSightings]

If you’re not vulnerable you can never feel love.

Is this true? Is that why I actually DON’T feel love? I thought I was just robotic or something. Although I swear I love my dog and I’m not vulnerable with him lol

 

[EveHarrington]

Is this true? Is that why I actually DON’T feel love? I thought I was just robotic or some...

On the flip side, how can you have love in your life if you don’t open up and be vulnerable? Love requires a certain level of vulnerability. No vulnerability means you’re closed off to all of these good things. Yes, you’re closed off to the bad things too, but there’s no way to just let the good in and not the bad.

 

[UnicornSightings]

On the flip side, how can you have love in your life if you don’t open up and be vulnerable? Lo...

I actually don’t expect love ever. And I’m pretty good with that now. I’m working on loving myself and doing a good job of that. Who needs someone else? They’ll only bring their own problems and issues and anger and bs. That doesn’t sound even remotely fun. I seriously don’t understand why so many people have relationships. I can do whatever I want whenever I want. No one messes up my stuff. No one tried to control me or insults me. Relationships are evil lol.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Plus we are whole all on our own.

 

[MrMoonlight]

You would have to trust your own judgement and only choose those you believe trustworthy of your vulnerability and openness. I think I need to trust myself more before I can trust others.

 

[EveHarrington]

We are designed to be social animals.

Nobody ever said we are not whole on our own.

You sound jaded and bitter. Kind of to be expected from someone who fears vulnerability?

Point being you aren’t alone because you are 10000% confident and comfortable being by yourself. You are alone because you fear being vulnerable. There is a huge difference.

 

[UnicornSightings]

We are designed to be social animals.

Nobody ever said we are not whole on our own.

You sound...

Yes. There is truth here.

 

[UnicornSightings]

although I still don’t see the point in relationships. I don’t WANT someone breathing close to me. Telling me their problems. Farting in bed. That doesn’t remotely appeal to me.

I’m all for working on vulnerability to work on feeling less alone in the world but less alone in my apt? I think I’m good with my cat and dog.

And btw that’s if you get someone GOOD. If you get someone not so good you end up in all kinds of bad ways. I love my path. I love my life. I love how I’m working on myself and being brave and giving myself compassion. Why would I want to invite someone in who would ruin that for me?

 

[ms spock]

You would have to trust your own judgement...I think I need to trust myself more before I can trust others.

I need to learn to do this as well.

 

[Abstract]

Fearing vulnerability is just another form of lack of trust I think. Or is for me. Definitely have this problem too. There is a profound underlying belief for me that giving people insight and info on me gives them ammunition to harm me. Lifetime habit of hiding as much as possible to protect. Makes therapy really tricky doesn't it? And relationships.

Understand totally the whole letting people see you issue. Even hard for me online.

Trouble is that human beings are definitely social creatures and part of functioning healthily requires proper human contact. And healing from trauma is hugely assisted by it. Really hard without. Its why a site like this helps so much.

Are you able to discuss this with him? Sometimes discussing the stumbling block to therapy in therapy is a great start. Personally that feels very exposing to me but I think it is a good solid start point.

The other thing that helped me was non verbal work like sand-tray work. Good luck!