Do you give your therapist feedback?

[UnicornSightings]

Like negative AND positive. Do you say or write that to your t? Why or why not?

I’ve started doing that with my current one and I love it.

 

[Emotional girl]

We are both very open and honest with each other and there have been times where I have told him where I didn't think he was listening to me and he has taken it on board.Also I have got this real thing about the tone of his voice and if that is wrong I will tell him.
On the whole I give him loads of positive feedback to the point where I think he may get a little bit embarrassed by it all.I think that he works so hard and has so much patience with me that he deserves to hear all the good feedback that I have for him.

 

[Sideways]

If there’s a problem that comes up? I talk to my T about it.

Otherwise? Nope. I do a tonne of work for therapy. The concept of micro-managing my “relationship” with my T? I’m there to focus on me. I pay my T a small fortune week which is my way of saying “You’re doing a great job”.

I’m not there to build some kind of friendship with my T, I’m there to work through my issues. And there’s more than enough of them. Focusing on compliments and complaints for my T? Would be pure avoidance for me.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I give mine both positive and negative feedback, usually in an email. One time, I sent her pictures of a beach she recommended to me and said “Thank you for being a person that gives me peace.” There was a time that I really needed her to respond to an email and when she did, I felt like her answer was too scripted and short. I sent her back a response saying “I feel like you hate me” in addition to some other stuff and “please don’t fire me.” She then replied with a very much needed kind response that we will work on the triggers together and that there is absolutely zero need to concern myself with her leaving. When I get new thoughts related to emdr and send her my newly formed thought distortions, she will correct them in a way that reaches me.

I truly value the help and encouragement that she gives between sessions. I also am finding that based on my feedback, she is deciding the best approach for each session.

 

[UnicornSightings]

If there’s a problem that comes up? I talk to my T about it.

Otherwise? Nope. I do a tonne of wo...

You don’t think it’s about learning to build a relationship with someone? This isn’t some machine you’re talking to, it’s another human being. Initially upon reading your comment I felt a bit guilty for even posting this, like I was somehow wrong for telling another person what’s working for me and what isn’t and expressing appreciation but I have no need to feel guilty. I like being open and honest with a person who’s sitting there each week caring about me. Expressing “complaints” and gratitude help strengthen our bond, making therapy way more productive and easier to say the harder things.

We are both very open and honest with each other and there have been times where I have told him...

I love that you give him so much positive feedback! Good to balance out the criticism for sure!

I give mine both positive and negative feedback, usually in an email. One time, I sent her pictures of...

That’s so awesome! I, too, find that when I tell my t what I like he gives me more of it. It’s incredibly helpful!! I like the email you sent her with the beach pic. Very cute!

 

[Sideways]

I get where you’re coming from. And it’s different strokes for different folks.

I’ve been throuh a lot of Ts, and I’m at a point where I’ve found one that seems to be a good fit, and I’m ready to just focus on me. I have other places where I work on healthy relationships. For me? I need to keep m relationship with my T strictly professional?

Do you know why it is my post made you feel guilty?

 

[UnicornSightings]

I get where you’re coming from. And it’s different strokes for different folks.

I’ve been thro...

See, for me, healthy relationships have been nonexistent. I’m starting some really good ones with friends and family I’ve reconnected with but it’s slow-going and I’m still treading lightly. I think I have all this pent-up caring, you know? And wanting to speak my mind and I never could when I was a kid so I’m seeing this therapist as a really good person to practice on.

The guilt comes from being challenged. Like my opinion is always wrong if someone challenges it. Old stuff. That’s why it came quickly and went away when I reminded myself my thoughts are ok. This shit is a lot of work lol.

 

[Emotional girl]

I am the same as you @UnicornSightings in that therapy gives me a chance to practice the skills that I need in relationships in a safe environment with a safe person who I trust and now I have started to use those skills now in the outside world.

 

[Sideways]

And wanting to speak my mind and I never could when I was a kid so I’m seeing this therapist as a really good person to practice on.

Fwiw - it sounds like your current T is a great fit for you, and from my spot here on the sidelines? I think you’re doing awesome!

 

[UnicornSightings]

Fwiw - it sounds like your current T is a great fit for you, and from my spot here on the sidelines?...

Aww thank you. So far I’m getting quite a bit out of working with him. And thanks for posting something that challenged. I find this forum so perfect for practicing my reactions. Cause I immediately blocked you cause that’s what I’ve always done when anyone has disagreed with me (like in person, too). Can you imagine?! Lol. But I’m working on it, that people can have different views and no one has to feel like shit because of it. I respect your different opinion of things and I appreciate you opening me up to another viewpoint.

 

[Stephernovas]

I don't get embarrassed easily, so I often say whatever I want regardless of how awkward some people may interpret. I've always shared things with her (even if sometimes it was later rather than right away). This thread actually reminds me of how recently she was telling me how well she is able to manage her emotions so clients cannot tell if she's upset or annoyed in session. Well, she happened to ask me a question and had to repeat it a few times because I was avoiding answering it. The final time she asked, I caught something. So, I immediately asked if that was "a tone of annoyance" in her voice? lol She started laughing and I never did get my answer, but sharing feedback is great. I find most often then not she turns it into a conversation about 'why it bothered me so much'....ugh! lol

 

[Eagle3]

I give feedback to my T for many reasons, all of them practicing interactional dynamics I never really learned as a kid. I never learned to stand up for myself and say, "this isn't working" or" I'm not comfortable with this" and have my words be heeded. With my therapist, they are, and I'm learning to express my own boundaries and feel ok doing so. When it comes to positive feedback, I'm having to practice that too! I was raised thinking compliments were manipulation, and feeling good was a bad thing. Also, I tend to think that if something is going well, it should be obvious and nothing needs to be said about it. So I'm practicing expressing appreciation for my T, and letting him know what works REALLY WELL! Its because of that feedback that we've been able to get as far as we have in such a short time, and I'm learning to have a healthy relationship while doing so. All part of the process...