Dom Violence Ptsd? effects of domestic violence.

[Anongirl]

Hi everyone. A little backgound on me. I was in an abusive relationship for 14 years. I've been out of it for 3 years now. I've never really talked about it in depth with the exception of 2 family members. I feel terrible but I'm really starting to realize the effects from it which have been masked by my "I am not a victim menatality" I don't consider my self a victim anymore but I feel I've pushed aside important feelings in order to make my self think I am stronger. I've been drinking 2 to 4 nights a week, when I drink it is usually alone and alot, I have aniexty attacks/mental breakdowns when I do. During the day I've been feeling withdrawn and depressed. I guess I'm writing this to vent and ask for your opinions also to share my story for others who are currently in an abusive relationship or just got out of one. I know I need actual help outside of being anon on a forum. Please share thoughts/opinions/advice/questions. Thank you.

 

[EveHarrington]

PTSD is only one of many effects of trauma. You don’t list any specific ptsd symptoms, let alone all required for a diagnosis. I suggest looking up PTSD symptoms to see if the disorder could possibly fit, and then seeking out a trauma therapist who can determine what you’re actually dealing with. Welcome!

 

[Anongirl]

This is my story and I want to say that all of you are very strong, you are worth so much more than what your abuser allows you feel or think about yourself.

I was 15, my parents were too busy and consumed with their drug addiction. I met a boy, I ended up having sex with that boy because of his manipulation and constant bothering and I got pregnant, scared and not knowing what to do, I did not tell my family until 6 months into the pregnancy. So I was kicked out and told I had to stay with my boyfriend.

The abuse started about 2 months after I moved in, it was yelling, name calling, threats, then slaps, pushes, which turned into punches, kicks, items being thrown at me, and so on. Rape eventually started seeing as I was not comfortable having sex with a monster by this time I was 16, I had no clue what was happening to me, "what did I do wrong"? was a daily thought for me. I felt trapped and scared. His family knew and heard my cries but no one called the cops, ever. This went on for many more years, I felt pathetic, small, ugly, stupid the list goes on. The last 3 years of the relationship I told my self I would start fighting back even if it was as small as not washing his clothes or just petty things but I had to. I started to look in the mirror and ask myself if this how I wanted my life to continue and tell myself that I am better, that I am beautiful and worth it.

On April 8th 2015 it was a now or never moments and I called the cops as he finally gave me a great opportunity to do so, I filed a restraining order and I stuck by it, I did not go back to him.

It took ALOT out of me to do this but you can do it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but you can.

He would always tell me if I called the cops that he would kill me or one of my family members and after the things he did to me I fully believed this which for me is why it took so long to get out and this is why when someone asks "why didn't you just go"? Or "why didn't you say anything"? It's not that easy so I understand where all of you are coming from. I don't know anyone of you but we share something, we share pain. I love you all and you can get through this. Thank you for your time.

 

[Anongirl]

PTSD is only one of many effects of trauma. You don’t list any specific ptsd symptoms, let alon...

Sorry, I should have probabaly named the thread something else :/ I will do that and edit. Thank you.

 

[BoN-bOn]

I didn’t recognize (or didn’t want to recognize) my symptoms for over 10 years after I left my abusive situation. Just sucked it up & lived with it. I knew something wasn’t right but kept thinking there had to be a medical reason...my heart, my thyroid, etc. Even after being diagnosed there was still a level of denial. You most certainly could have PTSD. I hope you get the help you need & have compassion for yourself through the process. That’s important. You’re stronger than you know! This is a supportive place. :)

 

[Anongirl]

I didn’t recognize (or didn’t want to recognize) my symptoms for over 10 years after I left my abus...

Thank you for sharing! I appreciate it, very similar. I' definitely going to get the help I know I need.

 

[mumstheword]

I was in my abusive relationships for 21 years, from 16 to 37. A lot of that time was spent homeless, living on the road or in campgrounds, a car park for 2 years (we did have a bus though) and then isolated, out in the bush (Australian forest). I had been homeless prior to that and fled, in danger of losing my life so I ended up homeless after that but eventually got into a refuge with my youngest daughter, because I couldn't get all my children.out. The children were what he used to trap me, gaslighting me and then saying "if you leave you'll never get the children, coz your crazy" . I believed him.

Anyway, I'm still recovering, 8 years later and he did manage to turn some of my children against me and keep them from me.
Parental alienation. A special kind of torture.

Recovering though. :-) .Unfortunately I already had cptsd prior to that so that added addition complications and work to heal from, but yeah, it's incredibly hard but eminently worthwhile.

It's a painful process but I'm glad we are out.
Welcome and I hope you find some wonderful peer support here. We get it, plenty of us. I hope that's a comfort because it's incredibly lonely and isolating, even after the fact and this is, truly, a safe space that doesn't judge or get weirded out by the horrors and entrapment of it all.
(((((Hugs)))))))

 

[Justmehere]

No one here has the ability to diagnose. That being said, you have been through repeated trauma, and you deserve help and support to recover from what you have been through. You were a victim, and getting help now doesn't mean you are staying a victim. It means you are reclaiming your life.

On April 8th 2015 it was a now or never moments and I called the cops as he finally gave me a great opportunity to do so, I filed a restraining order and I stuck by it, I did not go back to him.

Well done!

What's holding you back from getting therapy?

 

[Anongirl]

I was in my abusive relationships for 21 years, from 16 to 37. A lot of that time was spent homeles...

Oh wow! I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing (((hugs)))

No one here has the ability to diagnose. That being said, you have been through repeated trauma, and...

Just my stubborn self honestly. I thought I could deal with it in my own because that's how I am used to do doing things but I just can't. Thank you so much. I'm so glad I found this site today.