Relationship Trying to Stay Sane Alone

[Pippi427]

@DebP was kind enough to remind me to turn my attention to myself today. I needed to do some self care. I had actually gotten so down I didn't want to leave the house.

My thoughts should always be to take care of myself first that's a big job already.

 

[Pippi427]

Tonight I wrote another shorter letter… I wanted to remind him of some good things. This is one I would actually send if I thought it would do anything positive. But as some of you have already explained as suffers you are numb and would probably just hit delete.

L,
Just in case you really didn’t mark me as spam…

I would like for you to remember one thing. This may have been the shittiest year of your life...but something good did happen to you. It was our relationship. And you did a good job with us when we were together...Yes, you did. And I swear I saw you happy.

I sincerely apologize for what ever I did to drive you away and I hope you return to my life one day. Please don’t throw this away.

Letter writing seems to be very therapeutic for me… I hope it is helping others.

 

[HopefulD]

@DebP was kind enough to remind me to turn my attention to myself today. I needed to do some self care. I had actually gotten so down I didn't want to leave the house.

My thoughts should always be to take care of myself first that's a big job already.

Don't forget yourself. You are most important. It is so easy to get caught up in the negative tape we play in our heads for ourselves. I find distracting myself from my negative thoughts with feel good positive habits helps me from heading down the well of despair.

 

[Tinyflame]

It sounds like no matter what I send it will not be received. What is it exactly that would bring you out of one of these numb phases?

Not necessarily would the 1st part be true @Pippi427 , but I would say short, sweet, and from the heart, if it matters. Not sure about anyone but myself, but it's not only numbness that goes with isolation or leaving, but first overwhelm, and maybe a lot of emotions and thoughts, like despair and pressure- internal or external, and regret, and fear (amongst other things). Also, no in-depth analysis -I couldn't take it. Leaving all of it behind seems easier, and better, the more doubt or fear there is.

I think it's just 'normal' and wise to remember that none of us knows even a fraction of each other's stories.

as suffers you are numb and would probably just hit delete.

I wouldn't always hit delete. But it may take a long time to open. And even longer to know what to think/ feel/ say.

So much is about overwhelm; trust; etc. :(

Hugs to you. ? :hug:

 

[Pippi427]

I wouldn't always hit delete. But it may take a long time to open. And even longer to know what to think/ feel/ say.

So much is about overwhelm; trust; etc. :(

Hugs to you. ? :hug:

OK. He told me once he felt safe with me. I thought that was huge. Maybe it was just lip service.

Thank you for your hugs. Back at you.

 

[EveHarrington]

...hmm...in my way of thinking, I don’t think someone with ptsd would throw around the “safe” thing lightly seeing as how seriously we tend to take the whole safety thing. (But I could be wrong.)

 

[Pippi427]

Yeah. Didn't think so. This guy is a real puzzle.

 

[Tinyflame]

Aw @Pippi427 , I don't have the words, but (JMHO) there isn't so much thought put in the reaction- or ability to, it's more 'visceral', or reactive. Just not necessarily reacting to 'you', specifically- 'yourself'. Maybe interactions, maybe triggers, maybe expectations- but not 'you', more often than not, unless you yourself are a trigger, and then (he) wouldn't have felt safe.

 

[Pippi427]

Since I understood he had gone dark (with me) I only started reaching out about once a week,,,in a hope it would be a good day and he'd decide to reconnect. At some point I think my messages are going to become harassment, though. I'm not being mean in my messages, just asking if we can talk. At some point I am going to have to accept this and move on like we never met. I don't know how else to erase it from my mind so I don't lose my shit on a daily basis.

 

[Tinyflame]

Isk what to say @Pippi427 , 9 months isn't that long for any relationship, or even to get a more full scope on someone. And people are not only ptsd, they're individual. But anything said is with the realization no one here is invested in this. I suppose it depends on whether the pull to leave is greater than to stay.

 

[Pippi427]

9 months isn't that long, but it represented about a year in my life and a year in his. It is what it is and I at least deserve a good bye.

 

[Pippi427]

He reached out to my best friend today. Posted the update to the "Rough Day thread"