Childhood The hearing yesterday (stressor discussion, not political discussion)

[Stephani8o]

I'm not getting into the politics of it because I see both sides. The Kavvanah hearing (sp) But I was abused from 35 to 20 years and I've only told my therapist. I can't imagine coming out publicly and naming my abuser which was my dad. It has been a huge trigger for me. I watched him for 5 minutes and all I saw was my dad.

 

[somerandomguy]

For me, it's best to totally avoid the whole situation as much as possible. I know where I stand on it, but the Senate is going to do whatever it's going to do regardless of how I feel about it.

 

[honeypie058]

Yes, I saw my rapist face. I tried to avoid the news as much as possible but her testimony appeared as I happened to turn on to listen for a traffic report. Really rotten timing. I was a complete mess and still trying to dig myself out.

 

[piratelady]

The hearing didn’t bother me. It was on at work though and my coworkers comments did. She said it can’t be rape (or attempted rape) if she was drinking. My ex usually preferred I had been drinking before he did the worst things to me. Regarding both my childhood stuff and what my ex did, there was never proof, we’ll almost never.

Anyway, her comments just affirmed my decision to never tell anyone.

 

[Friday]

Anyway, her comments just affirmed my decision to never tell anyone.

Alternatively, don’t tell idiots OR don’t care what idiots think?

 

[EveHarrington]

I have no problems telling people because I think there is a special place in hell for people who are critical of child abuse victims.

That, and I'd tell everyone so they'd be shamed. LOL.

She said it can’t be rape (or attempted rape) if she was drinking.

I think your co-worker twisted the idea of "it can't be CONSENT if she was drinking".....which is still a stupid blanket concept as if you think about it because then two drunk people could rape each other.

 

[piratelady]

I think your co-worker twisted the idea of "it can't be CONSENT if she was drinking

She did. I mistakenly argued the point with her. It turned into a discussion of some of the other allegations such as the girl who says at the frat party, some of them drugged and gang raped girls. She responded with "well, why was she at the party?" For me, I think it gets to me because I still blame myself, then hearing stuff like what she says just makes it worse. Anyway, it all goes back to this:

don’t care what idiots think?

Maybe that's a sign of healing when I can quit caring what idiots think!

 

[Teasel]

For me, I think it gets to me because I still blame myself, then hearing stuff like what she says just makes it worse.

I relate to this such a lot. Am in my late 40's now and would say am still just learning a couple things that are relevant -

Some people who haven't experienced any of the things we have are quite shockingly judgental of those of us who have and I can't ever change that.

And more importantly it does me the power of good to put those people's opinions into the category of ignorant judgement I should pay no heed to.

But as these people were family and friends (and even those who are supposed to help those of us who have been abused) in my early life and I had no example of healthy family or friends it's been a lesson that's been and still is very long in the learning.

When it comes to hearing stories like this in the news. It used to be unbearable and teiggy ring. But now I find it fantastic, it makes me feel kinda victorious that nowadays ppl can talk about such things and be taken more seriously than used to happen
I guess that's progress?

 

[scout86]

Some people who haven't experienced any of the things we have are quite shockingly judgental of those of us who have and I can't ever change that.

I'd like to think there's a possibility we CAN change that. We can't change it with silence. But, maybe, sometimes, we can change it by turning a light on for a few people who are well intended and ill informed.

Crazy person that I am, I've emailed every Senator who the media suggests might be on the fence, plus a couple others, the past two days. Some of them more than once. I doubt anyone really reads the messages. I suspect they just get sorted into "for and against" piles for polling purposes, but that isn't nothing. But, because I think there's a fair chance some of these people have never dealt with someone who will stand up in public and tell bold faced lies, I've been sharing experiences with that, as well as the weird things I, personally, remember and don't remember. I don't suppose it matters, but I feel like I have to try.

 

[Teasel]

You've a good point. When I said there's nothing I can do to change it I'm talking from the particular headset I was in when anyone I spoke to shamed or blanked me for what I revealed but yes. On the grand scale of things...I've emailed my MP many a time about issues related and how I hope they would vote on the upcoming legislation.

And I do think that all the people going public nowadays is having a big impact.

Including those that tried and failed at the time they were being abused but still have spoken out on historical abuse.

Yes. I think I regularly think on the level of the kid for whom everything was hopeless. But things have changed for newer generations and I rejoice over this.

 

[hithere]

I can appreciate the post. i listened to Dr Fords testimony. I did not listen to Kavanaugh as I was too triggered to listen. I have been in awful shape since yesterday. Very reactionary and have intense sorrow with weeping. my strongest triggers are that I am surrounded by people I love who keep saying how sorry they feel for Kavanaugh and his family and his anguish. I don't want to argue who is right or wrong... but when I told those close to me that I was going to confront my abuser over 20 years ago my loved ones told me not to do that that I had to think how it would hurt his family if I confronted him. Today my friends have said terrible things about Dr. Ford that she is a pawn of the devil. this is triggering me because I had absolutely no one on my side when I was a child No One! I had no one when I tried to heal w0 years ago. and today I have No one to talk about this hearing and how I'm feeling. i tried to talk to friend on the phone and I had to hang up on her I was so emotional. another friend hung up on me because I said I have a different view than you. I am having very strong feelings of the that time in the past.. the dynamics seem to be playing it out from that hearing.

 

[scout86]

the dynamics seem to be playing it out from that hearing.

I have a Facebook account pretty much ONLY because a few of my customers like to contact me through FB. (No idea why that is.) I logged in last night, because I'd heard they'd been hacked again, data stolen, etc & I was looking for information. (Which I didn't find.)

What I DID find was a rather alarming newsfeed. I have a pretty diverse group of "friends". Apparently more diverse than I realized. Some people who, in other contexts, are perfectly nice, normal people were engaging in some pretty viscous stuff. I'm still trying to decide how to think about that.

It's tempting to just write them off, like they've written people off. It's tempting to just shut down my FB account because I think it encourages a lot of the very worst kind of "communication". (I might actually DO that, but more because I don't trust FB than any other reason.) The thing is, these are "just" people. They really don't KNOW. They don't know what it's like to be a victim. They don't know what it's like to not be believed. They don't know that predators often come in pleasant packages and are convincing liars. Of COURSE they are! How else would they get by with it???

I've seen think kind of thing before. Weirdly, the first time I saw it in real life, I was in high school and it was a bunch of teachers who turned into an irrational mob-like group. That's what we're seeing now. And I truly believe it's being deliberately orchestrated and the flames are being deliberately fanned. The thing is, stuff like that is pretty hard to control and the people who think it's a good and useful thing might be kidding themselves. I've also seem the "bad guy", when cornered, turn on his questioners, challenge them and change the subject EXACTLY like I a saw Kavanaugh do it. From my perspective, that behavior screams "Liar!" and worse, not righteous indignation. But, maybe, you have to be on the wrong end of it to get the point. I don't know.

Stuff like this can be dangerous in a very here and now, real world sense. But it also "seems" dangerous in an equally real PTSD/ then & now all rolled together kind of way. I think we need to try to remember that and sort it out in our own heads, as best we can. (It's good to have a place like this to help with that!) Beyond that, I'm not quite sure what, if anything, to do. It's really not in my nature to just let stuff go unchallenged, and I really think people need a more accurate vision of reality that a lot of them have.

Not sure what to do about that.