Too much laughter in sessions, how to navigate consulting with another therapist?

[scout86]

It has to be ok to cry in therapy.”

You'd think. For heaven's sake my T gets teary eyed every so often. (I can't imagine telling HIM to "regulate". He'd tell me he can manage quite well without my help, or something like that.) He really tries hard to demonstrate that having feelings is ok.

Soooo, maybe the "regulate" thing didn't pertain to the tears? I truly have no idea, but, maybe we're all jumping to that conclusion and she meant something completely different. (I have no idea WHAT.)

 

[Friday]

I have no problem if my son cries, 9 times out of 10, even though I don’t cry as a rule. Too many years working with serious machismo men who didn’t have the cultural men-don’t-cry cold fish western thing going on.

The 10th time? He’s working himself up. Maybe not deliberately spinning out of control (although the pattern is, if he’s avoiding something stressing him out -like a project for school- he’ll whip himself up to meltdown frenzy -and lose 2 days, Day 1 with the meltdown, Day 2 with recovering from it- and I step reeeeeeally hard on those. It’s an ADHD emotional monitoring and regulation thing. Spotting your mind seeking something to be furious / despairing over, to distract from what it is you don’t want to do. :meh: Instead of simply recognizing that you don’t want to do this, right now, and coming up with an alternate plan of attack.

It’s one of the really awesome intersects of ADHD & PTSD, because the solution is the same; 1) go burn off the excess chemicals dumping into your bloodstream, creating rising anxiety, panic, rage/despair, & 2) body needs; food/sleep/etc. that are adding to the problem. Once you’ve done those things? The emotions that are left are “real”, instead of being compounded by adrenaline response / low blood sugar / sleep dep / etc. For school stuff that means altering hour by hour with the physical and mental, more often than not. Which is hard for a gamer, who wants to stay “in their head” and relax by conquering the world, then do homework, relax by conquering the world, etc. The physical needs just keep getting pushed farther and farther back, until they start to leak & explode outward in emotional distress & meltdown level avoidance. :wtf:

^^^
So that may be something to consider.

Is it always not okay to cry in therapy? Or is there some situational stuff to consider, like spinning yourself up (avoidance) instead of processing through?

 

[Justmehere]

It’s an ADHD emotional monitoring and regulation thing. Spotting your mind seeking something to be furious / despairing over, to distract from what it is you don’t want to do. :meh: Instead of simply recognizing that you don’t want to do this, right now, and coming up with an alternate plan of attack.

Uh, so this was completely going on. 100%.

Maybe that is why she kept telling me to run and run some more. And then go swim. And then walk the dog. I told her, “I’m about to fall over!” She said keep doing more.

Now that I think about it, she was so focused on getting me to do, do, do... and not cry.

I don’t really get how ADHD and PTSD mix. It is never talked about. My doc offers stimulants that put me to sleep but also chill any regulation and avoidance issues, like nothing else. I don’t generally take them unless work needs me to sit-in-the-chair-and-stay-sitting-doing-one-thing-without-driving-others-nutty-figeting for awhile. Which isn’t now.

Huh, but I can totally see this being the issue. That would make sense.

She was also trying to get me to do something I don’t want to do, that would be good for me to do.

 

[Stephernovas]

For whatever reason in my sessions, I had a huge hate on for my therapist. She continued to do things I told her bothered me and I requested she approach things differently. She basically told me to “stop it”, and start answering her. I began feeling like I was banging my head against a wall and she wasn’t listening to me anymore, simply telling me what to do.

For me it turned out not too bad because she happened to be out of town, and I spoke with the office manager (who knowni was having troubles understanding my therats approach) and connected me into a session with the supervising psychologist (owner and happens to be her boss). It was so good for me to talk to someone else. I still want to work with my therapist, but my hostility towards her has decreased, and instead of hating her, I actually miss her and am excited to see her again. It was a bit of a validation/reality check for me with this guy because he was basically saying things that I have been trying to communicate as things I wanted to do with my therapist this whole time. She kept saying no for her idea of the service dog, and he was like..hmm, yeah okay, I don’t see why not. That could be a thing to try. “ after he said that I was like omg yes! Thank you so much for listening to me. I thought I was going crazy and simply requesting ridiculous things and being defiant/not complying in therapy. I was doing therapy, but I was able to decipher that It was all too fast, too much, too soon for me. Nothing wrong with that, but I needed another perspective with the same or more education to validate me and make me feel like I wasn’t being the delinquent or whatever negative stuff was coming from all this.

So in summary lol do it. Even if it’s for a session or two. I don’t know if you’re cracking the jokes as a Defense mechanism or what, but split it up between the two. I don’t want to think too deeply on it because I simply can’t take that on right now but if everyone has been “laughing at you”, perhaps tell the new therapist that’s an issue and maybe hash it out with them. I’m not saying you are wrong, or the therapist is wrong. But as in narrative therapy, the externalizer problem needs to be looked at and addressed, because as you mentioned it’s causeonf barriers and issues for you. Oh and if validation is something you need, I would tell this therapist that you no longer can work with her if you don’t have adequate validation. Your therapy, you’re rules. I just finished driving myself nuts trying to understand my therapist. You don’t need to final a therapist to deal with the trauma you’re experiencing from your therapy sessions lol...

I think it’s more than fair to have 1-3 sessions with someone else to shake things up. No one says you can’t and from there decide what you want to do - keep old therapist with a fresh mindsrt or switch

 

[Stephernovas]

Omg I just realized how badly I butchered the grammar on here lol can’t even blame Siri this time

 

[Abstract]

Huh, but I can totally see this being the issue. That would make sense.

She was also trying to get me to do something I don’t want to do, that would be good for me to do.

Really interesting perspective. Just possibly seeing a pattern here. I wonder if would be helpful to discuss and lay out the other things that happen in a session when there feels like there is a rupture. The stuff that bothered you and the other stuff that happened in the session. Sometimes if I write things down it gets it out my head and I can start pulling it apart better.