Combat vet help

[HopefulD]

Very much agreed.

Although I did it the other way around, and most of getting myself back in hand was done inside of invaluable relationships. <<< Definitely note the plural, there. Whether f*ckbuddies or partners in crime, the people I brought into my life for more than a minute we’re amazing and incredible, and there is no way on earth I would be who I am without them, but there is also no way I could have been in a long term relationship when I was symptomatic as blazes and learning.



Very much disagreed.

Part of forming long term relationships? Meant I had to learn to both compromise & plan. I couldn’t just take off for a year or 2 (like I very much did earlier on) for the hell of it and expect people to sit around and wait for me. Nor 6 months. I could arrange a month or three in advance sometimes, but that required not only taking their wants and needs into account, but once I had kids? Theirs also. Lots & Lots of Logistics with a capital L. My responsibility to manage myself, rather than the people in my life to suck it up and deal, if I wanted to be IN those long term relationships.

From the other side of the coin? When I’ve dated people with my brand of crazy? I’m not going to sit around waiting forever for them, either. I have my own natural limits (x amount of time I’m not bothered by, y becomes problematic, z doesn’t fly). If someone wants to be in a relationship with me? Just like if I want to be in a relationship with someone else, we’ve got to work inside each other’s limits.

VERY well said. Very much needed said from both perspectives. Empathy and compassion and compromise is required for all in a relationship. Friday I applaud you ??

 

[Surefoot]

I understand this, but also it is only true from one side. I don't need him to fight for me. He can fight for himself even if I'm around. I don't need him to fight for me, I would settle for him not fighting against me at this point. To stop blaming me. Really, many of us are willing ti help them fight, i.e. be supportive.
Space is necessary in any healthy relationship, but many in a PTSD relationship needs to be ready for even more as a general rule.

I understand what you are saying. I wasn't as thorough as I should have been. In the throws of PTSD, it typically is a position of internal survival. Isolation is not uncommon in the perspective of the victim because we often times cannot deal with the dynamic of family members or intimate relationships. I failed miserably at relationships for the better part of forty years until I was finally able to take back control of my life. It is a long dark tunnel and all too often there is no light at the end. This is not to say that some are able to deal with others while trying to get their head on straight, but it is a vicious break in the mind that affects every aspect of our being. I wish you well!

I hope this sheds a little better light on the matter.
Surefoot

 

[kelfarms]

I am a combat vet with three years of therapy and drug treatment. I too can not accept any relationship with a potential partner. I feel for anyone who is dating someone like me. I can not say if your s.o. feels like I do. Combat is not healthy nor will it ever be. When a person has to do what we had to do a feeling of worthless is all you can feel. Keep trying but with the knowledge that the future is a long rocky road to yet to travel. Sorry to be a downer but it happens all too often. Good luck.

He told me to stop harassing him... a blow to my heart. I’m a helper... I’ll I wanted was to be there for him. I’m afraid it’s over.... but then I was told he back on a dating website. I don’t understand. Any thoughts?

I’m not sure if I move on and date others or do I wait...J love him

 

[Friday]

He told me to stop harassing him... a blow to my heart. I’m a helper... I’ll I wanted was to be there for him. I’m afraid it’s over.... but then I was told he back on a dating website. I don’t understand. Any thoughts?

You told him you loved him, & he broke up with you. (In October?)
He’s told you to stop harassing him & is on dating websites.

Not sure how things could be clearer, that it’s over & has been over for awhile.

Live your life.

Whether that means dating or not is up to you, but waiting implies you’re still together, and again, it seems crystal clear you’re not together. That’s not waiting. That’s moping.

 

[kelfarms]

You told him you loved him, & he broke up with you. (In October?)
He’s told you to stop harassing him & is on dating websites.

Not sure how things could be clearer, that it’s over & has been over for awhile.

Yep... a hard pill to swallow...

Live your life.

Whether that means dating or not is up to you, but waiting implies you’re still together, and again, it seems crystal clear you’re not together. That’s not waiting. That’s moping.

ouch...

 

[Sweetpea76]

It’s not always isolation. Sometimes it’s just a break up.

Breakups suck. It takes two to be in a relationship, but only one to end it. We’re not always guaranteed logic or closure. Anybody can break up with their partner at any time for any random reason, and it doesnt have to be a good one. It can be because they have PTSD, and it’s still a valid reason.

A lot of supporters come on here wanting like hell to hear it’s only isolation and their loved one will be back in X amount of time. It just doesn’t work out that way most of the time. It probably sounds harsh to hear, but the flip side is sitting around clinging to hope with a broken heart. There are examples of supporters on this site that have hung on for months and even years... for nothing.

In situations like these you have to look out for your own mental health.

 

[Surefoot]

After reading some replies to my statement "For those who are in relationship with someone in the grips of PTSD, you have to be willing to step back and give space for however long it takes.", I recognize that I made this sound like a 'one size fits all' statement. That surely was not my intention. Certainly there are many ways we fight through the struggle and battle of PTSD. For me, at age 5, I was raped by a sibling for two years. It took me a lifetime to understand why I always struggled with self-worth, trust, friendships and relationships. I was not the man I could have or should have been. In relationships, self-worth and serious depression held me in their grips until I was in my forties. At that point, I understood with what I was fighting. I was not screwed up as I had previously been told by shrinks and therapists. Now I could fight the fight (with out meds) and reclaim my life.

I can imagine that many of those who came under the grips of this vicious enemy later in life likely have some skills that they carried with them post PTSD, in the social interaction area. My comment above about stepping back was addressed to the spouses, lovers and friends of us who deal with PTSD. As this subject started as supporters of those with PTSD, I was relating my experiences with many of my ex's who actually do live in Texas! My apologies for the lack of clarity!