DID DID/Self-Harm

[Keen]

Don't know if this is the best place to put this, but I was diagnosed with DID so I thought maybe here.

An alter self-harmed yesterday. This has not happened in over 2 decades, not since I was younger than a teenager. So I am just shocked and confused why it happened now.
Several are always wanting to self-harm, but I am always able to stop it from happening.

I was super triggered at therapy yesterday, but that isn't new.

Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts. This is really distressing. I feel such huge shame. And so guilty for the stress I caused my best friend.

 

[Ronin]

IMHO trigger at therapy could be enough, plus that you wanted to for a bit of a time (I mean, that someone wanted to).

Just a slip, that happens, you are not undoing all of your recovery for the actions of one now. :)

And so guilty for the stress I caused

And this bit: They are your friend, likely wanting to help you and caring for you... that is what friends do. Not something you are doing huge wrong, just a friend experiencing issues (who even has enough trust in them to share it with them, and who is safe enough to share with them just as it is happening, when everything is raw... that is a good thing.)

 

[Keen]

Thanks for these thoughts, @Ronin, I knew reaching out on here would help

 

[Sideways]

Can you take this to your T? It seems like somehing that was discussed in therapy really hit a nerve, and is pushing one of your parts right to their limit of what they can cope with.

While I can imagine that SHing for the first time in so long must feel really disappointing and set the mind running about whether that means it will happen again - to me, there is still a huge upside to this. One of your parts has been confronted by something in therapy that is closer to the bone than anything that part has had to deal with for quite a while. Which means that you’ve made huge progress, and if you can figure out with T exactly what the issue is? It potentially means that part is on the cusp of moving on a big big issue. Which is awesome. It takes a lot of hard work to get to those moments, even if it does mean that we may need to slow down for a while:)

 

[whiteraven]

Agree with @Ronin and @Sideways...not sure how communicative you are with your insiders/alters, but if you have contact with them, can you ask why they wanted/needed to self-harm?

I have one who used to do it all the time until we were finally able to talk with her and figure out why. If you aren't able to talk with them, maybe you can keep track of the things that are happening when they self-harm. My insider was always triggered by stuff in therapy, but also by any men that would interact with us. Eventually she stopped and did a complete turn-around - she never hurts us anymore.

I have another who hurts us occasionally, but she is so vile we had to put her in a safe place until we are able to work with her

If it were me, I'd definitely talk to my therapist. S/he can help you with your feelings of shame/guilt and develop a plan to work with this alter.

 

[Keen]

I really appreciate your thoughts, @Sideways , I had just been thinking of it in a negative perspective, and not about the potential progress this could actually be showing or preceding, thanks for helping me change my perspective!

Thanks for these ideas, @whiteraven , communication back from the others is pretty unpredictable and sporadic, I can't really tell when they'll communicate and when they won't.

I will definitely talk with my therapist about it.