@Marvel545 Here was the question I wrestled with: what is more important -my specific relationship with family members or my self respect? Eventually, I chose self respect-land today glad I did. I deserve my boundaries to be respected, I deserve to be heard, and if the relationship is worth investing in-they will care enough to respect your boundaries.
In my family relationships, I was so needy and wanting to feel a part of something-a family, I just did whatever to keep peace-even if it was abusive or damaging to my self esteem, I didn’t set boundaries- I knew they didn’t respect me, that pattern went on for 25 years and as a result I didn’t respect me. Because I was needy and afraid of abandonment, I allowed them to mistreat me- I didn’t respect myself enough to set limits and say NO. When I did finally say no, I felt better about myself- immediately- then I cried because I knew there would be change- scary unknown- and possible loss.
They did push back and behavior get uglier. I held the line and stopped the dysfunctional relationship.
Relationships, even dysfunctional ones feel familiar- and change is not-change can be scary-changing my responses to their behavior was the hard part . Here a year and a half later- I’m soooo glad I set boundaries- and yes, I wish it could have been different but losing the dysfunctional drama has made me a better and less stressed person. I wish boundaries could have been respected as opposed to us parting ways. But If you consider life, people, places, who we are -are constantly changing-and naturally so are our relationships- that understanding helped me ride out the prickly process and come to terms with the final outcome. Good luck!
