How to get yourself moving when dissociated

[Gs172003]

Well, I did it. I woke up not disocciated, my protective part in the foreground and panicked about being kicked out so that allowed me to force myself.

I didn't sit down once because I knew if I did, I'd be done for. Not the best way but at least its done. And at least I can tell my apartment complex that I deep cleaned the carpet not once but twice.

Hopefully the smell will lessen some now. The first time you do it thw smell gets worse but it did lessen over time. But, hopefully this time it will lessen even more. Used the 1/4 gallon and then half of the other. At least its done!

My mom always said to use vinegar. Let it sit a while and then shampoo. Not sure if it works though.

 

[Skywatcher]

@lostforgottensoul it is really cool when it works. She also did emdr with it, which sometimes feels like she applied some sort of power to it. It really was weird how changing my body posture gave me that control.

 

[TruthSeeker]

So, the therapy takeaways were this. The first is true but the second is very true.

First he said that habit seems to have formed and the way we break out of habit is small steps of non-habit activities. I mentioned "maybe play with legos?" Which my protector part has a big block on those. My protector part won't let me go near them. I thought it had something to do with play and then we got to the second thought or takeaway and then I think the protector REALLY not wanting me to play with legos has to do with this second thing.

Second takeaway is this. When someone lives in crisis mode 24/7, it IS exhausting and of course you'll have no energy for anything else. Which is how I live my life now and have for a really long time now. I always am in crisis mode. Always. Even at work, the protector is front and center (thus why everything else is numbed out) and this is showing at work now. I am jumping every single time someone comes up behind me. I am eyeing someone walking behind me out of my side view and keep looking back. I am panicked all the time. Anxiety and panic is showing with my tone with customers. I am second guessing myself so bad that a lead said "we need to get your confidence back up. You know this!" Just always in crisis. And it is only getting worse.

I never do anything I enjoy, anymore. Ever. And my therapist says that when we do things we enjoy, it brings energy. It almost allows us to say "ok, well, there are things I need to do. There are things that need to get done which is just a part of life". But, if we never do anything that we enjoy that brings us joy, we have no energy left to do those "just part of life" things. All of our energy is used up with the crisis mode.

I mentioned, to my therapist, training Chopper (my service dog). I thought it was a distraction but instead, it was something I enjoyed. I truely enjoyed training him. A lot! And that brought energy. I was able to do more then I ever thought possible. It's not over. Service dogs are in training for life but he is now fully trained so now we only do maintance training so it's not nearly as much. But, I really very much enjoyed training him. And my therapist says I am good at it.

Anyway, my point is, I really do not do anything I enjoy anymore. The legos. I had this idea to try to bring creativity in my life again and to allow myself to create again (I am an artist that has lost my ability to create art) that I would try to do this with legos. It would allow me to give my youngest part some play as well. And that is what I thought this issue was with my protector part not wanting me and really not allowing me to go near them. I only had an oppurtunity once when the youngest part came to the foreground and the protecter went into the background. But, I think now it has to do with enjoyment. The protector part not wanting me to have enjoyment.

I'm sorry. This should probably have been a diary entry rather then a thread. I was just so confused about how to stop the dissociation and flashbacks to "adult" or clean the house. But, my therapist thinks that legos maybe the key. Or enjoyment. Allow myself to have enjoyment in anyway possible. Slowly. So, maybe play with legos for a small bit. Then maybe train some. Then try a bit of cleaning. Not the carpets if not able but maybe something smaller. Then stop that and maybe something else I enjoy. But, to try to A, break the habit of sitting in pitch black dissociated (where it is safe...because I am always in crisis so when not in crisis I sit in pitch black dissociation because it is safe there) but also to start adding small ways of enjoyment back into my life.

I also very much enjoy IT. Building PCs, coding, programing, building and managing websites and so forth. I have 10 millon computer parts in my closet. Maybe while cleaning that out, I can do some of that?

I am not sure how, exactly, to go about adding enjoyment and really just joy and fun back into my life but my therapist really thinks that's key. So, there ya go!

ETA: He did say that pushing through usually doesn't work when in crisis mode and only makes it worse. So, that's why I couldn't just push myself to do it. He said it's about breaking out of crisis mode slowly. I am used to just pushing myself through things and not being able to was frustrating. But, I guess that this crisis mode 24/7 is why I couldn't seem to push through it.

I have multiple younger parts. All like to cut the grass on the riding lawnmower-so that is what I use to ground quickly. Once on the mower, I find a satisfaction in grass cutting.
Most of my parts have things like food likes (use cold-strawberry popsicles 25 cal each) and after therapy I eat as many as I want-and watch a G rated show. Sometimes I take a nap. After therapy, I try to stay grounded and don't plan to do anything else. My brain is too tired. I suppose I try to go easy after therapy and not force anything. If a nap is called for, I do it. If Candy Crush is grounding or distracting, I do it. I don't clean after therapy.....I make lists, and on a bad day expect myself to do 3 easy functional tasks (e. g. take meds, take a bath/brush teeth, and eat 50 grams of protein over the day. Once you are doing all the functional stuff regularly, then worry about getting more productive with things you put off. I had cat pee on a carpet for a while......yep....it looked and smelled awful but I took care of me first-as it should be. Good luck.

 

[Justmehere]

Anyway, how do you un-dissociate yourself to get shit done? To "adult" as they say?

I apply grounding skills. I don’t deepen into activities of a child if I want to adult. That seems counter productive to me. There are times to do inner child work, and even for children there is time to do work/chores and time to play... When dissociating is in the mix, I might tell myself I can go have fun later as a reward... but if it’s time to “adult” and get a task done, toy play would deepen the lack of adulting. My head is dissociated, I engage in any variety of ways to ground. My favorite go to when exhausted: safe strong sensations. Touch, smell, etc. Holding ice is an easy go to. When I was inpatient they have people who were many types of dissociated from foggy to in an alter state grab ice to basically zap them here and now, back to an adult in charge. Can work for panic attacks too.

If the urge to play and have fun is there... l adults can play. I have turned chores into games.

Habit charts are helpful in this regard. There are apps and articles online about this. It’s a way to gamify adult tasks. Every day that a task is done one can put another x on the link of the habit chain. So many days with an x... and I might take a day off as a reward.

Big pushes to clean all at once might reinforce avoidance because it hurts and exhaustion is high, so the task gets associated with pain and exhaustion at the max. But, by doing a little bit every day, and getting that x, and getting closer to a reward... the task completion goes associated with positive feelings not just the pain.

This is how people train for sports too or make changes in diet... it’s long haul daily small steps and marking the accomplishments down, even if small. It makes it more fun.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Habit charts are helpful in this regard. There are apps and articles online about this. It’s a way to gamify adult tasks. Every day that a task is done one can put another x on the link of the habit chain. So many days with an x... and I might take a day off as a reward.

Big pushes to clean all at once might reinforce avoidance because it hurts and exhaustion is high, so the task gets associated with pain and exhaustion at the max. But, by doing a little bit every day, and getting that x, and getting closer to a reward... the task completion goes associated with positive feelings not just the pain.

This makes sense. I can't control which part is in the forground and which isn't. There is no fun and games when the youngest part is in the forground. More pacifying and stuff. There is never fun and games in my day. But, that small tasks thing and not pushing when exhaustion and pain is high might help. It may help me to see the actual progress too instead of "this isn't done yet". As half done or part done doesn't exist in my head. Its either done or not done. Half done is still not done to me. So, that def can help!

Thanks!

 

[Justmehere]

You may not be able to control what feelings and parts come up, I hear you on that. I can’t always stop various forms of dissociation either. No doubt about that. But we can manage the symptom of dissociation when it happens. Is like anger or any other symptom. Can’t always stop it but we can work on ways to handle it when it comes up.

The adult doesn’t disappear, you are all still there. I am all still there too. Don’t let the adult abandon the child in you.

When I can’t access the adult me easily, I ground and I have cards and letters I have pre-printed out of things I’d say from an adult state to a child state, that would reassure a child. It can be as simple as, “I hear you. You are scared right now. I will keep you safe. Let’s see if we can take the next step together.”

Then it’s not encouraging or ignoring regressed states/feelings/parts but also not the adult totally abandoning to fend for themselves.

I believe that it’s a process of re-parenting. Child and adult states communicate and connect. Loop the adult in. It can be marvelously settling for me when I have that intense younger child experience and I get to read or remind myself what I didn’t hear as a kid rather than expecting the kid to get all the work done without any rope back to adult to pull the adult voice alongside.

For years I could only do it by reading something an adult would say that I wrote at other times. Now I can more automatically say it in my head in the moment. The “kid” doesn’t have to be experienced in a dissociated way but I can have those feelings and adult me there too.

 

[TruthSeeker]

This makes sense. I can't control which part is in the forground and which isn't. There is no fun and games when the youngest part is in the forground. More pacifying and stuff. There is never fun and games in my day. But, that small tasks thing and not pushing when exhaustion and pain is high might help. It may help me to see the actual progress too instead of "this isn't done yet". As half done or part done doesn't exist in my head. Its either done or not done. Half done is still not done to me. So, that def can help!

Thanks!

@lostforgottensoul Oh as a teacher, K-12 I'm all about games, play, fun and rewards for insiders cooperation. Mine like food....like homemade pizza (and the dough process is like working with playdough) Making cookies (or nutritious snack bars), cooking on the grill, and having a picnic, riding the mower tractor (I drive, they ride), toasted marshmallows, art-drawing/coloring, going fishing, and dancing in the house are all fun things to do. Ask inside, what fun things would you all like to do....bet some-part will answer! Mine are not quiet when it comes to asking inside that question.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Ask inside, what fun things would you all like to do....bet some-part will answer! Mine are not quiet when it comes to asking inside that question.

I haven't been able to access other parts when one is in the front and in control. There is like a wall there and though I can "see" them in my mind's eye, I can't seem to talk to them. And sometimes they fight about who is gonna be in the front and in control and in those times I am just a spectator. I can hear them in my head but I still can't speak to them. I have tried so many different ways and nope.

When I think of "fun" or when I even read that, it sent my protector in a frenzy and my child part asked "what is fun". As in, the child part doesn't know what "fun" is.

There was no fun back then and any hint of it got me tortured as punishment so I never got to learn what fun is and how to have it or even how to laugh so I think I need to learn what that is and how to have fun by researching. I did start to do that and came to some really funny comendians on youtube and they are funny as f*ck so I've been binge watching them over this last week. I'm trying to learn how to laugh and how to have fun slowly. Starting with leaning how to laugh and even know that I am having fun. If that makes sense. It's working, I think. At least I am learning how to laugh and be ok with laughing.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I haven't been able to access other parts when one is in the front and in control. There is like a wall there and though I can "see" them in my mind's eye, I can't seem to talk to them. And sometimes they fight about who is gonna be in the front and in control and in those times I am just a spectator. I can hear them in my head but I still can't speak to them. I have tried so many different ways and nope.

When I think of "fun" or when I even read that, it sent my protector in a frenzy and my child part asked "what is fun". As in, the child part doesn't know what "fun" is.

There was no fun back then and any hint of it got me tortured as punishment so I never got to learn what fun is and how to have it or even how to laugh so I think I need to learn what that is and how to have fun by researching. I did start to do that and came to some really funny comendians on youtube and they are funny as f*ck so I've been binge watching them over this last week. I'm trying to learn how to laugh and how to have fun slowly. Starting with leaning how to laugh and even know that I am having fun. If that makes sense. It's working, I think. At least I am learning how to laugh and be ok with laughing.

@lostforgottensoul I'm so sorry you don't know fun and that they hurt you and took away your right to a childhood. And I'm glad you are here! What comedians do you watch on UTUBE-I need to switch to more adult-like shows like comedy. Laughing is good for the soul...at least that is what I think. Nope-Sci-fi is out, along with Westerns, the Three Stooges, any violence, all reality TV, game shows, dramas, horror, and mysteries. Ho, hum..not much left..historical fiction is good, and old movies (the sound of music type rated G work). But what they put out on regular TV is a bit too much most of the time for me.

Researching Ideas: Can you go to a toy store that has activities for all ages or to Michaels Arts and Crafts (my go to fun art/hobby supply store) or a Hobby Lobby or some big art store which is loaded with multi age fun stuff and just look around? I took my credit card the first time-a mistake. I have a limit now for each entry into the store. So, with so many choices of things to do, and not knowing what to do, I signed up for a drawing class, and then a clay class....and love both. I sat alone in class, and hated people talking when I was working (kinda silly I know) but it was helpful. I got over it. These things take me where no one else can go....and it is peaceful and I just create. You will find your fun things to do..and the laughter will come......keep at it!