Is there such a thing as too casual?

[hithere]

I haven't read all the posts, but, I'm older and was trained that the clothes represent the occassion. Dressy for the symphony is a respect for the music and hard work of the musicians. Dressy for dinner shows respect for the other person. I have also been in sales for over 40 years and have taken thousands of hours of human behavior classes for sales. What to wear to a presentation is still in 2019 is a big, big topic. If I dress too well, the potential client will most likely be in shorts or super casual clothes. There is too much power coming from my clothes and will cause the other to be too uncomfortable with me. If I am too casual I do not show respect that I'm representing their money, their hard earned livelihood. So clothing delimma is how can I dress so that we are "equal" but I'm a little dressier to represent that I will be the professional they can trust for this service I provide and I take it seriously, without being in power clothing or too much luxury giving an air of being superior.

Now today we have multi-billionares who just want to be comfortable--but the Zuckerberg influence I remind people is that they are programming. Sitting for long, long periods of time ALONE. That field of course needs comfy. But people feel oh Zuckerberg is in hoodie and jeans and so successful, I can too. There's some truth to it, however, clothing is still an EXPRESSION.

I don't think you are strange for feeling as you do. If you brought it the right way, let's talk about what this means to me, not that I'm judging your appearance, but let's talk about the dynamics of the differences I feel when I try to do the work with you. although it may be best to not bring it up. I have learned that therapists have very very week egos, they get their feelings hurt very easily, They are not trained to let anything in the room unfortunately. So yeah you may not want to bring it up at all.

 

[Emotional girl]

Where I live most of the psychologists/psychotherapists wear casual clothes and the psychiatrists wear suits.
I have to say I have always felt more comfortable with someone wearing casual clothes as it makes me feel that they are on a same level as I am .
When I talk to the psychiatrist in a suit it makes me feel like I am going to a interview and it is a lot more formal.
I suppose we are all different and we all feel comfortable or uncomfortable with different situations and there is no right or wrong way to feel.

 

[FauxLiz]

That, right there, is what you should probably discuss when him

Good point and I should make the time at Monday's session to do just that. He asked that I reach out to him this weekend if I need to as it has been a rough month and he is concerned that after my son returns to school on Friday that I may just give up the ghost. Honestly this time last week that was looking very tempting/possible. The problem is and I know that it sounds whiny and petulant but any time he asks me to call him to check in I want to throw it back in his face because the only number I have to call is his office which is closed on weekends and nights and how exactly am I supposed to call him? He knows I was permitted to call or text my previous long term T which was a great help and made check in's easy just a simple text I'm doing okay. If I call and I get an answering machine or worse answering service that decides whether to pass the information on immediately or not I will just not leave a message.

 

[scout86]

the only number I have to call is his office which is closed on weekends and nights and how exactly am I supposed to call him?

That doesn't sound whiny or petulant, it sounds totally reasonable. Could be he hasn't thought of that. I'd bring that up too..

 

[Skywatcher]

Maybe he has his own secure answering machine and he gets a notification for messages received (mine has that). Or you could email him to call you. Just some ideas if you need to reach out.

 

[Friday]

The problem is and I know that it sounds whiny and petulant but any time he asks me to call him to check in I want to throw it back in his face because the only number I have to call is his office which is closed on weekends and nights and how exactly am I supposed to call him?

Ditto... doesn’t sound whiny or petulant. Sounds like either a problem to be addressed (how do I contact you over the weekend when your office is closed? That’s the only number I have.)... or, a non issue... IF he does as many do and leave an alt number for afterhours contact on his after hours message OR forwards his messages to his cell OR has an answering service, which can contact him to contact you. All 3 are very common practices in medicine.

 

[Deanna]

I have been working with my T for not quite a year and the weather this summer has been warmer and more humid than normal. As a result his office has been borderline uncomfortable temperature wise during many sessions. As someone that works in a professional environment my session is a place I go directly from work. The last few sessions though I have struggled to not be uncomfortable by the casualness with which he has taken to dressing. I would say he most likely falls in the middle of the millennial generation I feel awkward and overdressed for our sessions when he is in cargo shorts, a casual button front shirt and loafers without socks. I know what he is wearing shouldn't matter but I feel as though in a way the casualness with which he dresses is a reflection of his casualness in how he sees our sessions, a disrespect for the courage, strength, effort and difficulty I have talking about the subjects that we discuss in session.

I get it I am over reacting, being childish to judge and mind read his opinion of me based upon how he dresses for our sessions. But it bothers me, I will never bring it up but that is just how I feel.

He is dressing like that because he's being to cheap ( or their trying to cut costs) keeping the air conditioner up like that. Sounds to me that by the clothes he us wearing, he's having a hard time with temperature, as well.

 

[FauxLiz]

I guess I will find out this weekend what the alternative contact/messaging options are as I promised that I would check in. Less than 12 hours until son moves into the dorm and honestly this is though not as tough as last year is not easy. I am an empty nester and this year I know what that will really mean.

I have two more in person sessions with T before he takes a two week break and then we move to teletherapy. All of you have been great support this week given me input, helped me to see ways I can reframe this and make the most out of not getting bogged down in the little things that don't really matter but to dig deeper and recognize my feelings, fears and what I was maybe avoiding.

their trying to cut costs) keeping the air conditioner up like that

It is my guess that this probably is a big factor but others here are correct, I need to speak up about the temp being uncomfortable for me.

 

[Cypress]

I will also be moving to tele-therapy with my T in a couple of weeks for work reasons. It's a really stressful transition and I have not really acknowledged even to myself how worried I am. I understand exactly where you are with your feelings about all of this. I found myself in session being really annoyed that he had moved his plants around. Like I need the plants to be in the same place every week or therapy is just not possible ;). I bet when you talk to him about all of this, you will feel better.

 

[Deanna]

I will also be moving to tele-therapy with my T in a couple of weeks for work reasons. It's a really stressful transition and I have not really acknowledged even to myself how worried I am. I understand exactly where you are with your feelings about all of this. I found myself in session being really annoyed that he had moved his plants around. Like I need the plants to be in the same place every week or therapy is just not possible ;). I bet when you talk to him about all of this, you will feel better.

Speaking of plants
I'm still mad at my therapist because I wanted to give her a Peace Lilly to brighten the place up, which is huge! She had 5 to 7 small plants in there and the smaller plants were driving me crazy, in such a large area. But then, she went and got another position to work! I still have this big house plant! Da#n her! ;)