My diary of random thoughts

[ladee]

Yes, a very good thing you shared!! Finding ourselves. That is some hard work. And when we start, it seems our thinking keeps telling us we are not worth the work. But that is when we listen to others!!

They have been there. I have been right where you are right now. I remember the pain, the despair and the constant back and forth thinking... it was horrible. And confusing.

Are you in therapy? Do you have someone you can talk to? What kind of support do you have? Talking about in real life, because someone here will always try to be here for you.

I truly appreciate the risk you took by sharing what is going on and what you want to change. I always respect those that can ask for help. No way did I get where I am by doing it alone. Had a LOT of help along the way.

Let us know how we can help if you don't have a therapist. It is important for support.

But we are here for you no matter what.

Hoping you had some calm and rest today. It is especially hard right now with everyone being isolated. But someone is always here.

Sending you gentle hugs if you accept. If that is uncomfortable for you, then just save the hug for another time. Looking forward to talking with you again. Take care

 

[AnnieMae]

Yes, a very good thing you shared!! Finding ourselves. That is some hard work. And when we start, it seems our thinking keeps telling us we are not worth the work. But that is when we listen to others!!

They have been there. I have been right where you are right now. I remember the pain, the despair and the constant back and forth thinking... it was horrible. And confusing.

Are you in therapy? Do you have someone you can talk to? What kind of support do you have? Talking about in real life, because someone here will always try to be here for you.

I truly appreciate the risk you took by sharing what is going on and what you want to change. I always respect those that can ask for help. No way did I get where I am by doing it alone. Had a LOT of help along the way.

Let us know how we can help if you don't have a therapist. It is important for support.

But we are here for you no matter what.

Hoping you had some calm and rest today. It is especially hard right now with everyone being isolated. But someone is always here.

Sending you gentle hugs if you accept. If that is uncomfortable for you, then just save the hug for another time. Looking forward to talking with you again. Take care

Yes, I am in therapy. I don’t have a whole lot of support from family. Some friends I do. Therapy really seems to be making my life worse. I try to do things, and it’s always the opposite of what I want to do. It’s hard. I appreciate the hugs. Thank you ?

 

[AnnieMae]

This is not acceptable! Ptsd is awful and has ruined my life! All of this has ruined my life all because my ex messed with me! I can’t take it anymore! All I can do is push through and everything is falling apart and there is no help!!!! I don’t know what to do anymore ? This can’t be happening. The whole world is against me ?

 

[AnnieMae]

What do you nod when you have been completely set up by someone and it has destroyed your life and you can’t move on? The world just keeps holding you back and you keep freaking out? How do you stop freaking out without being in a total stop and avoidance of things? I wish things would actually just get better

 

[DharmaGirl]

I read all 10 pages and I keep hearing you saying the same things over and over. It saddens me that you're hurting so much. Maybe you do need time to stop and avoid things. Take a break from life. Have you considered an inpatient program? I really think you can find help by either going inpatient or doing an Intensive Outpatient Program. That's how you find help. That's how you stop freaking out. That's how you learn to move on. It seems you are so wound up you can't see any way out. A program could help you find a starting point from which you can get better. You could ask your therapist to refer you to one. I am just so sorry to see you have suffered so much for so long.

 

[AnnieMae]

I read all 10 pages and I keep hearing you saying the same things over and over. It saddens me that you're hurting so much. Maybe you do need time to stop and avoid things. Take a break from life. Have you considered an inpatient program? I really think you can find help by either going inpatient or doing an Intensive Outpatient Program. That's how you find help. That's how you stop freaking out. That's how you learn to move on. It seems you are so wound up you can't see any way out. A program could help you find a starting point from which you can get better. You could ask your therapist to refer you to one. I am just so sorry to see you have suffered so much for so long.

I was in one ?

 

[AnnieMae]

I just so wish I had a different life. I wish I wasn’t a criminal. I wish I wasn’t set up. When I started to go to therapy, like he told me I needed, he told me she brainwashed me. I am not as strong as people think I am. I am so tired. I am so scared of being set up again. They tel me all the time, it won’t happen again, but no one knows that for sure.

 

[AnnieMae]

Life lessons right??? I can’t take it anymore!!!

 

[AnnieMae]

I am going to keep repeating the same patterns throughout my entire life because I don’t know which ones to break. I am my family. I am the weakest link. The dumbest person in the world. All I have to do is find myself, right??? That is all??? Find myself. Go to therapy, break childhood patterns. I don’t know how to not mirror someone or fit in, or stop looking for something better even though I am the biggest fake in the world. Mind games all around, right???? I knew who I was before this, now I do t know because it is making everything worse. My life is going down the drain. It will never be the same again and I am so sad. I don’t believe it will get better. I really do t because it’s been 6 years. First I was told the faster the better, now I’m being told it takes time. I went from having anxiety to having an identity crisis. This has just messed my life up.

 

[AnnieMae]

What do you do after you have been set up? What do you do because you can’t mess up again and the stress of Messing up is too much???? What do you do when you’re emotions are all over the place because of the situations in your life? When you have become so dependent on someone else and you realize how much people have you? How you are so gullible?

 

[DharmaGirl]

You stop. Pick one thing to do to get better. One thing. You work from there. If you were set up you are not a criminal. You are not. If you can start with one thing at a time, you can work to change how you think about that or appeal. My therapist told me there is no sense asking why. You start by picking one thing and working on it. The people who answered you in here are really smart people who deal with their symptoms every day, who have gotten better. They have tried to get you to settle down to do one thing. If you want to continue on like this, you will not change anything. If you want to get better, you have to make a commitment to working with your therapist, getting a referral to an inpatient, outpatient or DBT group and start to get better. You've been stuck in a loop since you started your diary.

Who is the "they" who told you it wouldn't happen again? That's not true. If you do nothing, nothing will change. You have to pick one thing and do something positive about it every day. One tiny thing. That's how most of us on here got better.

 

[AnnieMae]

You stop. Pick one thing to do to get better. One thing. You work from there. If you were set up you are not a criminal. You are not. If you can start with one thing at a time, you can work to change how you think about that or appeal. My therapist told me there is no sense asking why. You start by picking one thing and working on it. The people who answered you in here are really smart people who deal with their symptoms every day, who have gotten better. They have tried to get you to settle down to do one thing. If you want to continue on like this, you will not change anything. If you want to get better, you have to make a commitment to working with your therapist, getting a referral to an inpatient, outpatient or DBT group and start to get better. You've been stuck in a loop since you started your diary.

Who is the "they" who told you it wouldn't happen again? That's not true. If you do nothing, nothing will change. You have to pick one thing and do something positive about it every day. One tiny thing. That's how most of us on here got better.

They is my family and friends telling me that things will get better. Telling me to let things go. Here is the problem with DBT-the emotions don’t change. I just can’t change them because I was set up. I knew this person for 7 years and he pulled a gun on me, stole my money and lied to the police. Told me how shitty I was, that my emotions don’t matter and I was too emotional. He told me that you had to break a person down and build them back up. I thought he was kidding. He told me my family sucked, told me I looked for approval from people. He told me I was better than my family. He told me I was fat, told my family I let myself go, pulled me in and sucked me out. The therapist tells me that I need to get to know someone, well, I got to know him, fell in love and never knew he owned a gun. My life has changed 100% because of him. I freaked the hell out all over people and I am scared of being set up again, and being arrested again and getting into trouble again. None of this is making me feel better. I open up about these things to people and they either judge me and throw it in my face or they accept me and I’m a baby. I hate my life because I wasn’t aware of all this stuff until it was too late. I went over to the house. My anxiety is through the roof bet my life has been turned upside down and I can’t change it. I am saving money, I am at my parents even though it’s miserable for me. I am alone all the time. and I hate it. I am so sick and tired of men throwing things back in my face and being vindictive, yet I crave a close relationship with someone. He was able to get his PPO from his ex wife removed, yet I have criminal charges on me. My whole life is screwed. I have to change and no one sees that. And if I don’t I will keep on the same path. I am so fake. I hate my life so much. I wasn’t like this before. We talk about these things in therapy. I have been on meds, tried EMDR, meditation, exposure therapy, but the fact of the matter is that the charges are always there, and people are awful, so I don’t know who I can trust anymore.