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Having a difficult time trusting anyone right now

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Warrior767

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I have recently blocked or unfriended several people in my current city. Most of my friends live in another state which makes friendship very difficult. I moved back to my home state after almost 20 years. There was a reason I moved away and never wanted to return. I've been undergoing intensive EMDR therapy for several weeks and I'm more easily triggered now. Most of the people I have deleted from my life have been aggressive, crossed a strict boundary or taken advantage of my kindness. I think I'm done with making new friends. It's hard to trust anyone anymore. Especially men. I avoid people like the plague now but I know that is also not healthy.
 
Is it possible your in such a triggered state that you might need to take a break from EMDR? I just know how intense that is and if your not wanting to reach out then you’re losing a tool that might possibly help.

I hope things get better for you.
Thank you for your reply. I just restarted EMDR in July. I had taken a break for several months. I've had the therapy every Tuesday, except today. My therapist is on vacation this week. However, I met with a diagnostic clinical psychologist for testing intake. I was referred by my doctor so that we can better understand my condition. I did ask my therapist about taking a break from EMDR but she didn't recommend it. My therapy is free of charge btw. This week was a break from EMDR but I still had to regurgitate every trauma throughout my life to someone new today. I have been unfriending people since May, but more so recently. I think I'm just finally enforcing my boundaries more. Every single person that I have unfriended crossed a boundary. Enough is enough!
 
I've been undergoing intensive EMDR therapy for several weeks and I'm more easily triggered now.
This............
Think about EMDR as a huge intensive computer program running on your computer - your brain. So you live and function on what power is left over.

That means all that stuff you are working on in therapy is near the surface plus all that "work" your brain is doing is on what? Stuff around trauma? So, it's easy to access the memories, and it's uncovering memories it hid. You are stressed from EMDR, and getting triggered is easier. So are things like anger, rage, and irritability.

As you get through those reproccessing tasks you get a little more of yourself back. You regain the space to understand whats going on isn't threatening. You put away thoughts about trauma.
 
gentle empathy, warrior. it has never been easy for me to trust. after 2 1/2 years of covidic social distances marginalizing all noncovidic trauma, i often think i have regressed to my pretherapy levels of mistrust. i had some serious present day trauma happen just before the shutdown. i feel far more marginalized today than i did as a child prostitute. closing those social distances feels like more work than it is worth. especially with women. women were the baddest of the **bad guys** in my own childhood. they haven't gotten any nicer with all the empowerment yaddahs.
 
I have recently blocked or unfriended several people in my current city. Most of my friends live in another state which makes friendship very difficult. I moved back to my home state after almost 20 years. There was a reason I moved away and never wanted to return. I've been undergoing intensive EMDR therapy for several weeks and I'm more easily triggered now. Most of the people I have deleted from my life have been aggressive, crossed a strict boundary or taken advantage of my kindness. I think I'm done with making new friends. It's hard to trust anyone anymore. Especially men. I avoid people like the plague now but I know that is also not healthy.
This is how I feel
 
I look at trust at what the most likely ways people will react to different scenarios are. This is based on observation and probability.

Everyone has predictable routines, it's just about narrowing those down. You can trust an abuser to abuse you. You can trust your long-time pet won't attack you. It's not a 100% guarantee (nothing is) but it might be 70-80%. You can trust your employer won't show up with a gun and murder you. It's all about probability.

Once you figure that out, people become more predictable, and life feels safer. There's always the passing chance that something horrific might happen, but that's not within our control anyway. You can't prepare for that meteor crashing into the planet.

All you can do is live in the moment and decide whether that will be spent in fear of an unknown or not.
 
think I'm just finally enforcing my boundaries more. Every single person that I have unfriended crossed a boundary. Enough is enough!
So proud of you for this!!!! I did the same thing a while back - getting rid of relationships that I didn't even realize were toxic. And ya - it was painful. But it made me happier in the long run.
As you get through those reproccessing tasks you get a little more of yourself back. You regain the space to understand whats going on isn't threatening. You put away thoughts about trauma.
This!

Maybe you and t can do emdr on some lesser traumas for a couple sessions? That will keep you in the processing cycle, but also give you some breathing room to regroup?
 
For a very long time, I did not trust or I trusted too much, too soon and that became a problem for me. I did not trust men at all and to this day I don't trust them much except with certain things and only to a degree. People have to earn my trust now.

When someone intentionally triggers me and then makes fun of me for my anxiety and PTSD, they become history. I quickly get rid of toxic people in my life and the person I trust the most is myself. Trust takes time and each individual person is different, I trust that most people won't hurt me, but I don't necessarily trust them with my money or my girlfriend.😁

From what I have read here I think you are doing good work, don't forget to give yourself a pat on the back, what you are going through is not easy and I know this for a fact. I wish you the best and hope you will keep posting and reaching out.

Lionheart
 
When someone intentionally triggers me and then makes fun of me for my anxiety and PTSD, they become history.
Anyone who intentionally triggers u and then makes fun of u for PTSD is a piece of shit anyway 😡 Ive had people do this to me too, bc I startle really easily and ppl got a kick out of making me jump. That happened a lot at my old job in CB.

I laughed it off bc I was trying to hide the fact that I'm as f*cked up as I am. They didnt really know I had PTSD but I knew, and that made me resent them a lot, even tho thats not fair since I didnt feel like I could be like well actually Im an armed conflict and sex trafficking survivor so can u f*cking Not at my like, place of employment, lmao.

Like, the "how do u be a person around other people" conundrum. But trust? Friendship? Hell no. My nervous system was already so sensitized n relegated the ppl who would purposefully activate me as completely untrustworthy.

Even if that was probably not fair since they saw it as something humorous & not related to trauma. Meh, I still think it was wrong, I don't see what's so funny about it, but I tell myself that if I had been honest they probably would have apologized and/or stopped doing it. Most ppl aren't sadistic.
 
When a friend since grade school, found out I am afraid of being in a car accident, he purposely drove in a manner meant to scare me, called me a wussy, and then laughed at me. We were on the interstate and it was nighttime and it was raining, while the back end of his truck was fishtailing and he kept running over the lines. I had him pull over at the next gas station and let me out miles from home and called someone to pick me up. My last words to him are that I can't help it if I have PTSD, what you did was not funny. I called to ask someone to come to pick me up and I haven't talked to my lifelong friend since. My PTSD is not for others' entertainment.
 
he purposely drove in a manner meant to scare me, called me a wussy, and then laughed at me.
Glad u stopped talkin to him. This is a form of abuse, idk why its so normalized, its incredibly abusive and dangerous. Ppl get such a kick out of doing that shit n dont realize how harmful it is, but u are trapped against ur will in a very dangerous situation.

The lady who trafficked me used to play "chicken" on the bridge and drive into oncoming traffic then pull away n also smoke weed while driving which I never realized was even wrong until years later bc it was so normal to me that she'd have a joint hanging out of her mouth.

I was an adult in my 20s when I realized she drove me as a kid under the influence every day.

I hated driving in cars for a long time but now I listen to music n that helps. I cant drive anyway due to my TBI and I am content with that cuz cars are shit for the environment anyway.
 
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