Scared to go Outside

[CazzTheGeek]

I've realised lately I've been avoiding the outside world due to my trauma. In the past I've been molested and raped. Everytime I go outside I get 2-3 men staring like I'm a piece of meat, it feels dehumanising and makes me so uncomfortable. Can anyone relate?

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

up until late last year i was like that for most of my life. almost shut in, going out excruciating.
i’m a vulnerable adult and was a vulnerable child, sexual trauma, becoming an adolescent and adult was pretty distressing to me. concept of being looked at sexually and/or expected/perused sexually from either sex was enough to make me reprogram my entire life. wasn’t just scared of predatory men but any romantic or sexual interest from anyone. when you’re a kid it’s pedos you’re scared of but as a traumatised adult it’s everyone capable of sexual interest.

i don’t know if i was ever acutely aware of that actually happening to me but experience or lack thereof aside, the idea was scary enough because of the sexual trauma.

nowerdays i have more of a handle on it and regularly leave the house, and dress in a way that doesn’t obscure my age and stuff. still get anxious going out but it’s much better than it was, still have heaps to process trauma wise in therapy and all the rest of it, and on bad weeks i get the urge to start hiding again, but it really can get so much better. it’s a fear that sticks with you but the control it has can heal.

not saying people don’t look and it’s all in your head (though i know the feeling of villainising everyone and everything), but it can start to feel not catastrophically threatening.


for obvious reasons my experience of this is probably different to yours, and i’m sorry you get stared at, it sucks but i think it can get less debilitating for anyone, eventually

 

[CazzTheGeek]

up until late last year i was like that for most of my life. almost shut in, going out excruciating.
i’m a vulnerable adult and was a vulnerable child, sexual trauma, becoming an adolescent and adult was pretty distressing to me. concept of being looked at sexually and/or expected/perused sexually from either sex was enough to make me reprogram my entire life. wasn’t just scared of predatory men but any romantic or sexual interest from anyone. when you’re a kid it’s pedos you’re scared of but as a traumatised adult it’s everyone capable of sexual interest.

i don’t know if i was ever acutely aware of that actually happening to me but experience or lack thereof aside, the idea was scary enough because of the sexual trauma.

nowerdays i have more of a handle on it and regularly leave the house, and dress in a way that doesn’t obscure my age and stuff. still get anxious going out but it’s much better than it was, still have heaps to process trauma wise in therapy and all the rest of it, and on bad weeks i get the urge to start hiding again, but it really can get so much better. it’s a fear that sticks with you but the control it has can heal.

not saying people don’t look and it’s all in your head (though i know the feeling of villainising everyone and everything), but it can start to feel not catastrophically threatening.


for obvious reasons my experience of this is probably different to yours, and i’m sorry you get stared at, it sucks but i think it can get less debilitating for anyone, eventually

Thanks for the reply, lately I've been trying to push myself to go out more but I'm finding it so hard with the anxiety and discomfort.

 

[Sideways]

Absolutely relate.

I went through a period where getting to the letterbox was an achievement.

So, that’s where I started with reclaiming my ability to be in the world. Practicing trips to the letterbox and back.

You’re definitely not alone with this one:)

 

[Paul007]

I've realised lately I've been avoiding the outside world due to my trauma. In the past I've been molested and raped. Everytime I go outside I get 2-3 men staring like I'm a piece of meat, it feels dehumanising and makes me so uncomfortable. Can anyone relate?

Hey I’m exactly the same feel like a hermit lol

 

[arfie]

i relate with a vengeance, cazz. my own isolating habits were forged under homeless conditions, but i commonly found "hidey holes" where i stockpiled food and water. fast forward half a century to the luxury of a house i can isolate in and? ? ? is agoraphobia an improvement over survivalist isolation?

sigh. . . i reckon i should treat it like a problem. problem is, i feel less lonely when i am alone than i do in the company of humans. i'm not all the way convinced we are the same species.

 

[Mach123]

I’m an intentional recluse now. I can go out in the garden mostly this year which I’m really enjoying because I got over the neighbors and what they think mostly. But I’m like over 10 years in trauma therapy and all that. I look at being a recluse as a part of my treatment . Less people equals less triggers. I don’t look at them. If anyone wants to speak they have to say something or approach me. I don’t feel the need. My trauma separates me from others oh well. I’m happy I know actually? I don’t feel bad at all about avoiding others .

 

[Susan Jane]

I've realised lately I've been avoiding the outside world due to my trauma. In the past I've been molested and raped. Everytime I go outside I get 2-3 men staring like I'm a piece of meat, it feels dehumanising and makes me so uncomfortable. Can anyone relate?

Hello Cazz, I am the same at the moment. The world makes me feel unsafe. I can be together with people I trust, however, it took me years to tell people the truth. I started recently, but the shame of not functioning well and needing help is hard. I isolate and can’t get out and that includes not eating, as I live alone. It is a vicious circle. I feel you, and everyone else as well. .

 

[parrotthepolly]

I've realised lately I've been avoiding the outside world due to my trauma. In the past I've been molested and raped. Everytime I go outside I get 2-3 men staring like I'm a piece of meat, it feels dehumanising and makes me so uncomfortable. Can anyone relate?

Are you sure that's why they are "staring"? People look at stuff all the time and they might just be looking at their surroundings. This seems like you're imagining scenarios.

I used to think people want to hurt me when they look at me but realised it's literally all in my head and most people are minding their own business. Some looks still don't sit well with me but it seems I'm the one being more suspicious.

 

[whiteraven]

I’m an intentional recluse now

I am, too, for the most part. And I used to love being outside.

I'm newly afraid to go out, but I have to every once-in-a-while, and I just do it and acknowledge the fear. Or don't, if I can avoid it. But I think what helps me and has helped me in the past is to go out to do things in places that I know won't trigger me--I walk around the lake (never anybody there, and it's pretty secluded), avoid everything medical, and keep a very low profile.

Are you sure that's why they are "staring"? People look at stuff all the time and they might just be looking at their surroundings.

I think this is really important. To ask yourself if they are really staring. Those of us with trauma often make way more out of things than is the case.

 

[Sues]

I isolate. I feel safer when I'm alone at home locked away. I go to work and therapy, but that's about it except for occasional necessary things like doctor's appointments and such.

I live with my adult son. We both suffered abuse by my ex (his dad) and escaped 14 years ago. He still stalks me and violates the restraining order. So I'm not safe.

Just writing this forces me to realize how f**ked up my life was/is. How messed up I am.

I also want to point out Cazz that I believe you, and I don't think you are "imagining scenarios."

 

[CazzTheGeek]

Are you sure that's why they are "staring"? People look at stuff all the time and they might just be looking at their surroundings. This seems like you're imagining scenarios.

I used to think people want to hurt me when they look at me but realised it's literally all in my head and most people are minding their own business. Some looks still don't sit well with me but it seems I'm the one being more suspicious.

Some definitely are and not being subtle. I've even had this happen when I've been out with my former partner and they've commented on it. Very aware some people are just staring or looking at their surroundings. It's when I'm getting checked and stared at

I isolate. I feel safer when I'm alone at home locked away. I go to work and therapy, but that's about it except for occasional necessary things like doctor's appointments and such.

I live with my adult son. We both suffered abuse by my ex (his dad) and escaped 14 years ago. He still stalks me and violates the restraining order. So I'm not safe.

Just writing this forces me to realize how f**ked up my life was/is. How messed up I am.

I also want to point out Cazz that I believe you, and I don't think you are "imagining scenarios."

Thanks

I isolate. I feel safer when I'm alone at home locked away. I go to work and therapy, but that's about it except for occasional necessary things like doctor's appointments and such.

I live with my adult son. We both suffered abuse by my ex (his dad) and escaped 14 years ago. He still stalks me and violates the restraining order. So I'm not safe.

Just writing this forces me to realize how f**ked up my life was/is. How messed up I am.

I also want to point out Cazz that I believe you, and I don't think you are "imagining scenarios."

Thank you @Sues. I'm definitely not, it happened just a few weeks ago. I was with my now ex. I asked him to make sure I wasn't being paranoid. He said no, that some men just don't care..

Sounds like you're going through a tough time. My husband just asked for a divorce, we've been together 10 years but I know deep down, its for the best. We had a lot of problems.

If you ever need a chat, let me know.