Relationship Having Trouble Dealing With A Discovery...

[Ted Moen]

"I've made a rather confusing and quite hurtful discovery, ..."

But possibly not the discovery you think, Mellotron. Things in a person with ptsd's current situation trigger old stuff which the person with ptsd then has to deal with in their current situation. A smell, a sound, a feeling and the old stuff intrudes and suddenly the person with ptsd is overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings that have nothing to do with their current situation except they are there and interfering and suddenly stuff that should feel good feels very wrong. It feels very confusing. One healthy response in that situation is to express the feelings in a safe environment. Assuming you are part of your friends current situation, not the old stuff, you have discovered she has a healthy coping mechanism.

Ted

 

[Nicolette]

Just a reminder to the Sufferers who are posting here - this is the Carers section & while your input is appreciated there is a fine line between offering an opinion & demeaning others who are trying to understand PTSD. Please remember that this side of the fence involves learning, asking questions with little real insight to how someone with PSTD Suffers or their behavior.

And I back everything Amethist said.

 

[1966]

For what its worth, I think it was a snapshot in time, and just what was going on in her head at the time. Exactly the same happened with me when my wife read a post of mine. She took it completely out of context... and guess what, I treated it like she was snooping into my inner most thoughts.
That said, it must be just as hard for you as a carer, as it is for my wife as a carer, and all she was doing was trying to understand what I was going through. Definately a tricky one my friend.

 

[ironbird]

I think you should keep your guard up.

 

[Reclusive]

I'm a sufferer and a carer and I can tell from both my own behavior and my fiance's behavior that times gets all warped and wonky when you're going through an episode. There are sometimes I get all nostalgic and worry that I made a mistake when I left my ex... and then a few hours later I'll snap out of it and remember all the reasons I dumped that jerk and how incredibly blessed I am to have my fiance.

When my fiance goes through an episode, he tends to not make sense - half of what he says is in response to something in his memories and they're only now (13 years down the line) starting to make sense to me. So I know that when we have our 'episodes' we pretty well lose it completely.

But you have a decision to make because you have to take care of yourself. You can decide to let it go and trust her, hold onto it and doubt her, or confront her and see what happens. Because if you don't do the one that's right for you, you're gonna go nuts too.

 

[Shelley_S]

[First Post]

As a carer of someone with C-PTSD, I tend not to take anything my sufferer says or does during an anxiety attack very seriously, unless she is threatening to hurt herself. Instead, I look at her behavior when things are calm to determine the status of our relationship.

If I were you, I would be asking whether your girlfriend's reluctance to kiss you on the mouth or be held for too long are symptomatic of her C-PTSD, or whether she is just not that into you. You need to know where you stand in your relationship. So, instead of questioning her in relation to her forum post, I would be questioning her in relation to her behavior with you at a time when she is calm to determine the true nature of her feelings toward you.

 

[Tinyflame]

And what part has to do with triggers

 

[Mellotron]

[First Post]

As a carer of someone with C-PTSD, I tend not to take anything my sufferer says or does during an anxiety attack very seriously, unless she is threatening to hurt herself. Instead, I look at her behavior when things are calm to determine the status of our relationship.

If I were you, I would be asking whether your girlfriend's reluctance to kiss you on the mouth or be held for too long are symptomatic of her C-PTSD, or whether she is just not that into you. You need to know where you stand in your relationship. So, instead of questioning her in relation to her forum post, I would be questioning her in relation to her behavior with you at a time when she is calm to determine the true nature of her feelings toward you.

Her trouble with physical intimacy has been an issue whenever she's triggered or dealing with an episode, so it wasn't really unexpected. Hypervigilance and a need for personal space tend to come up when she's going through a rough patch, and right now it's probably the worst one I've seen.

I've remained cautious but there's so much happening with her current emotional state it's kind of impossible to tell if the emotional distance and insularity are a problem with me - she's told me it isn't, and I trust her, but I can only operate on assumption so far. It's hella confusing, in a nutshell.

 

[justwannabeme]

I B) asking would involve admitting that I've breached her privacy somewhat, even with the best intentions (yeah, I know, road to hell and all that).

I'm just at a total loss. Can anyone with more general insight on the state of mind she was in offer any perspectives or advice?

That's a tuff one, B) would kill me, if it was me. Been 24 yr in AA and my sponser reminded me once when I was really struggling with telling or not telling someone something I did or didn't do...."except when to do so would injur them or others.". Read about us here in this forum, you might understand her rantings a bit better, get a really tough skin, which I'm sure any caregiver (bless you all) would agree to and hold on, hang in.