Urge To Cut Is Back

[Heather]

*The Guerillero Survivers of Violent Trauma.

:D.....I say why stop there. Let's get our bounty hunter's license. Then we'd be able to carry badges and we'd be armed:cool:

 

[Heather]

Also, Vitamin can sometimes help to heal the wounds.

I guess I should have taken your advice Okradlak.....but I'm not really into self-care these days. I did tell my therapist that I was out to do some major damage to myself and I guess I did.

The cut I made on my arm will likely leave a scar. Now that the weather is warmer I'm wearing short sleeves and people keep glancing at my arm with this horrified look on their face. I'm tired of the double-takes. Although, it's my own doing. That's what I get for hacking myself to pieces, right?

 

[Kintsugi]

Hey, Heather...
You should get a puppy instead of vandalizing yourself! They look at you funny when you try to hurt yourself. I really don't know how I could self-harm in front of Annie, who always puts my safety as her top priority.
(((Heather)))
Drawing giraffes also helps me.
Also, screw those people doing double takes. Don't worry about what they think.
I just hope that you realize you are valuable and deserve self-care.

 

[Heather]

Thanks Sunshine -

:):):):):)

Your support means so much to me.

 

[hazen]

I have been reading up on the thread because I was having some issues of my own the other day and thinking some dark thoughts. I told my therapist today I was thinking about how as a child I used to break things with my hands to make myself feel better and that I was thinking how good it would feel to feel that pain again.

She told me something that struck me as odd: she said that instead of cutting or hitting myself I could take ice cubes out of the freezer and hold them in my hands to feel that pain instead! I never thought my therapist would think of a less damaging way to hurt myself as opposed to just not hurting myself.

No idea if that is "helpful" info but there you go.

By the way if anyone forms a team to beat up abusers of people with PTSD I ABSOLUTELY want in on this!

Heather: just imagine my cat leaping out of my avatar picture to claw the hurtful people! I like to think that my cat sits at my door waiting to claw up my parents when they try to get in my door at night! Ooo maybe my cat Bernie could be the team mascot.

 

[Kintsugi]

She told me something that struck me as odd: she said that instead of cutting or hitting myself I could take ice cubes out of the freezer and hold them in my hands to feel that pain instead!

I think I heard this recently as a suggestion to bring yourself out of dissociation. I really must try it. I think it probably helps, and it's definitely less destructive.

 

[OKRADLAK]

(((((Heather))))) You have a right to wear what you want and not have people look at you. But maybe, I bet there are some, who are looking because they hurt for you and understand. I bet there are a lot who wish they could give you a hug because they do it or used to do it and know why and how.

I will hope over and over than people will feel compassion for you. I know I would feel that way if I saw you that way.

You are a dear person and deserve compassion. I hope they heal!!

 

[Heather]

She told me something that struck me as odd: she said that instead of cutting or hitting myself I could take ice cubes out of the freezer and hold them in my hands to feel that pain instead! I never thought my therapist would think of a less damaging way to hurt myself as opposed to just not hurting myself.
.

Yea - I've heard of this and your therapist is right. It is quite painful. Excruciating actually.....the longer you do it. But that night I just wanted to do damage to myself and that was that.

Hahahhahahahha:eek::laugh::roflmao::cool::ninja::sneaky: YES! there's no doubt that Bernie could take them all! I LOVE IT!:)

Heather: just imagine my cat leaping out of my avatar picture to claw the hurtful people! I like to think that my cat sits at my door waiting to claw up my parents when they try to get in my door at night! Ooo maybe my cat Bernie could be the team mascot.

 

[freakofnurture]

people keep glancing at my arm with this horrified look on their face.

I'm at the clinic for more DBT atm, and there are lots of women with cut arms. There's also one woman whose arms are basically just big, sunken in scars that have been scratched open and inflamed again and again. She also has big scars on her cheeks, forehead and mouth, and those made me think of you.

The destruction visible all over her skin is heartbreaking. She really doesn't have to say a word to make you understand how she feels, or to give you an idea of how horrible her abusers have treated her. It's hard to stand to see something as abstract as psychological pain and violence spelled out so clearly.

 

[Heather]

. She also has big scars on her cheeks, forehead and mouth, and those made me think of you.

The destruction visible all over her skin is heartbreaking. She really doesn't have to say a word to make you understand how she feels,

. to see something as abstract as psychological pain and violence spelled out so clearly.

nurture - I literally stopped breathing when I read this. I can't tell you how lucky I feel that you CANNOT tell at all when looking at my face all the damage I did to myself as a teenager. When I would hack away mercilessly because that damn well could be me! I have one tiny scar above my right eyebrow and another on the side of my neck.

And in a way that is me because I would cut my cheeks and lip. It gives me chills just thinking about it.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Heather, I hope you never feel that urge again! Please get some vitamin E and nurture yourself and the wounds- it can help to rub it onto the wounds to heal .

Imagine we, your friends who care, are helping you and nurturing you, too!! You do not have to hurt yourself.

I know it is so much more complicated than that. I just want you to feel like someone cares about those terrible wounds and wants to help them to heal. It just makes me mad, the power of abusers to make sufferers want to harm themselves.

Keep moving forward! You are worth it!!

 

[freakofnurture]

It gives me chills just thinking about it.

Heather, I hope my post didn't cause you too much distress :/