Relationship Girlfriend With Ptsd Avoids Me - When Do I Give Up?

[The Albatross]

Yeah Bear... but I'm focusing on the fact that this is not a 3D relationship.

 

[HopelessBoyfriend]

Maybe I'm just being stupid, then.

 

[The Albatross]

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, and has webbed feet like a duck, it's a duck.

 

[The Albatross]

Not stupid, I think the experience calls some personal needs of your own to the fore. Like I said, you sound like a genuinely caring and compassionate person... yet your relationship is platonic and you love her. You've never met her in person. I got alarm bells going off all over the place. I am a PTSD, Bear is a carer.

 

[The Albatross]

Like Bear said... two sides of the coin, two different perspectives.

 

[HopelessBoyfriend]

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, and has webbed feet like a duck, it's a duck.

So, do you recommend I end our relationship? How do I do it while protecting her feelings? I don't want her to feel abandoned and I don't want her to feel like she's unlovable. She's a good girl... if I'm not right for her, then she should certainly try again. She deserves a good man in her life; she just needs to find another guy (like me) who believes in very traditional male/female roles.

 

[The Albatross]

You have devoted, clearly, a lot of time and energy to a relationship. That's why I asked you if you are prepared to be constrained, in your love for this woman, on the terms and conditions she sets. I think you are right to doubt as she has not demonstrated, by what you've shared any honesty that can be substantiated.

 

[The Albatross]

You can clarify your mind and choose, if you like to accept a "relationship" that is platonic and be constrained to friendship... that would free you to find the real, 3D relationship and intimacy you deserve and may require.

 

[The Albatross]

Set personal boundaries, define your relationship on your terms, based on your needs. You do not have to "abandon" her. But clearly after 11 months... you are not manifesting in your own life what you want and that's a problem.. or you wouldn't be here.

 

[The Albatross]

Go with your gut... but be mindful. I only give opinion... based on my own experience. Others here, like Bear who is a carer have them too. All are valid. Only you can know what to do.

 

[The Albatross]

Reread your first post on this thread. You don't need other people to tell you anything.

 

[The Albatross]

She deserves a good man in her life; she just needs to find another guy (like me) who believes in very traditional male/female roles.

Personally, I don't conjecture down the road what roles people can play. She has a demonstrated inability to be present 3D and that's a problem for anybody regardless of role.