Sufferer How Do I Save This Mess I Created?

[myvetswife]

Welcome Rustler. You are not alone. I kicked out my husband and he went for over 9month into a clinic and I only took him back after seeing he was making the effort.

And you are not alone in the situation. If you would like to speak to other military people all with combat PTSD visit the sister site http:// No spouses allowed, you can rant and rave however you want.

My hubby prefers it to here.

Combat Stress

I guess you are from the UK?

 

[Cufflinks]

Welcome Rustler. You are not alone. I kicked out my husband and he went for over 9month into a clinic and I only took him back after seeing he was making the effort.

And you are not alone in the situation. If you would like to speak to other military people all with combat PTSD visit the sister site. No spouses allowed, you can rant and rave however you want.

My hubby prefers it to here.
I guess you are from the UK?

I may do that. Some of the stuff that flashes back is probably only really understood by veterans.

 

[Cufflinks]

Welcome to the Forum, As you can see we have a very sincere and real mix of members.

I wish you success on your journey. Allow yourself to understand it won't fix overnight. With work all things are possible. You are no longer alone!

Thank you for your kindness.
I completely appreciate that it's going to take time.
My problem is 2 fold.
Firstly, I've never tried to get any help before and am in a bit of a holding pattern awaiting places.
Secondly, how can I (not sure of the right word here) persuade/show/... that I'm serious about getting this sorted before she decides to proceed. Some of this is therapy Some if it is coping stragegy, some it it is learning.
We're on good terms and speaking and I can't believe deep down that we can't sort this. Most of the PTSD I can deal with (yeah, I know but I'm gonna deal with that too). It's the anger management stuff I really need to sort. I think it comes from a selfish feeling of needing/wanting a hug and reassurance and getting angry when I don't get what I think I need. I have been an idiot for which I will be eternally sorry.

 

[Whitneys story]

Having been in your wifes shoes, she needs to know that you are doing this for yourself. Generally one will try try to make changes for another.

This is the hard part. Writing down as you have done here gives you areas to focus on! Find the issues that have affected your relationship and self. The most important part of the journey is finding the means of being true to who you are and want to be. Not others expectations! Don't let fear into your process, find a positive action and try it. I wish you the best. Whitney

 

[amethist]

Hi Rustler

I am a supporter of my husband with PTSD, OK not from the military, but still PTSD.

We have survived the worse times and come through the other side. A lot of my support came from here and from the UK carers organisation.

Tell your wife that we will support her too, passing on what we have learnt along the way.

Its not easy, but it is possible to get through it together. Working together through both the good and the bad times.

Not walking on egg shells and setting boundaries is something she will have to learn and you will have to except. It takes time to work these one out, but well worth the effort as you both know how far you can go before one of you walks away before you say something you will regret.

I hope you can hold on to what you have and build on that for a better future, together.

Amethist

 

[Whitneys story]

There are many incredible articles and explanations on the Home page. Read everything you can get your hands on which will give you understanding. Whitney

 

[Cufflinks]

If only it were that easy. She knows the efforts I'm making but "can't see any other option" and is "tired of walking on eggshells every day".

Well, I've shown my wife this forum and gently suggested that she may also find it helpful should she wish for us to try and make a go of things. We'll see

 

[KP the nut]

Fingers crossed for you. Being a wise and beautiful ;) (sorry, naughty sense of humour) woman myself. I would have to take a peek.

 

[Cufflinks]

Fingers crossed for you. Being a wise and beautiful ;) (sorry, naughty sense of humour) woman myself. I would have to take a peek.

Well, things on the home front are not going well. It's like a blitzkreig. She just wants out as fast as possible. This is going at such a pace it's almost planned. It's certainly clinical. A very old friend of ours thinks she's having a breakdown!! Joy - even more stress.
However, in the meantime I've contacted the British Association of Anger Management and have an assessment with them tomorrow. I've also managed to get some councelling via my work to give me some handling and coping strategies for the anger and the stress to come. I am sooooo going to get this stuff sorted.

 

[myvetswife]

Good on you that you are willing to work on it! Thumbs up for that!

 

[Cufflinks]

It takes time to work these one out, but well worth the effort as you both know how far you can go before one of you walks away before you say something you will regret.

Unfortunately, I can't shift her position. She wants a divorce and she wants to move away from the area. She wouldn't entertain a suggestion that we both stay in the area and I would be available for babysitting etc. and at least be an available dad.

She doesn't want to try any kind of marriage councelling and the fact that I'm actively seeking treatment for the PTSD and especially the Anger Management side of it counts for nothing. The fact that I stuck by her when she had depression and stress also seems to count for nothing.

RIP to 13 years of marriage. A sad day. Somehow I've kept my temper through this. I think I'm too traumatized to get angry. God, what a day

 

[Abstract]

gently suggested that she may also find it helpful should she wish for us to try and make a go of things.

It might be worthwhile packaging it as a helpful thing for her regardless of what she decides. It may help her a lot to see others who have been on the receiving end of what she has been and been torn between that and loving someone.

I think actions are what are most likely to change someone's mind. It takes time to mend broken trust. The best you can do is work on getting better.

Well done for taking these important steps and welcome here!