Emotional Numbness - How To Overcome It.

[Frankie111]

Hi, just wondering if anyone on here has experienced emotional numbness and then successfully got their emotions back? I really can't cope if I am going to feel like this towards my family for the rest of my life. I just want to feel intense, unconditional love again, particularly for my children.

 

[Ted Moen]

What would you be doing if you weren't feeling emotionally numb? Do it!

We block our feelings because we have been hurt in the past, hurt enough that it is safer for us to feel nothing than to risk being hurt again plus the fear that if we let ourselves feel anything, everything will come gushing out uncontrollably and we'll mess everything up again. So we withdraw emotionally and live safe in our self imposed state of emotional isolation.

Give yourself permission to break the rules you have imposed on yourself to maintain the state of emotional isolation in some small way. Touch an safe, appropriate person in an appropriate way, the way you might if you didn't have all those rules. Let yourself enjoy the moment. Linger a moment, then go back to your safer pattern of behavior. But make a mental note of how nice it felt, make a mental note to do it again when appropriate.

Work at it at your own pace. When you feel you can't do some appropriate bit of caring behavior, challenge yourself. Ask yourself why. What is the rule you have imposed on yourself? Remind yourself your set of rules helped you survive the abnormal situation you had to survive, but now that you are no longer in the abnormal situation some of them are preventing you from letting yourself to enjoy and participate normally in your current situation.

Small, safe steps, initially feeling very awkward and even staged but gradually allowing you to accept that you are safe and no longer in the abnormal (traumatic) situation and it's ok to set aside some of the rules that got you through the abnormal situation.

Bit of caring, appropriate behavior by bit of caring, appropriate behavior the intense negative feelings related to the old stuff will be replaced by enjoyment of participating appropriately in your current situation. At least, that's kind of how it has seemed to work for me, though I started the process (with therapeutic support) too late for my role as a parent, but just in time for my role as a grandparent.

Ted

 

[Frankie111]

Thanks for replying Ted, I really appreciate it. So can I assume you were emotionally numb and now your emotions are coming back? The event happened when I was a very small child and hasn't even bothered me for thirty years, it wasnt directly at me, just something I witnessed. I have always been a very emotional person and it never effected me. Then in August this year, something must have been a trigger and literally over night I became emotionally numb. I absolutely hate the fact that I can't feel anything for anyone, particularly my small children. I have seen several doctors and even a psychiatrist, but they all deny that it is PTSD as I am not experiencing flashbacks or any other symptoms of PTSD, just the numbness. But I am pretty convinced it is PTSD. What other illness could make me feel this way? I am still spending all my time cuddling my children and telling them I love them hundreds of times a day, even though I am not actually feeling it. I just feel so empty and sad. I can't live this way for ever, I just want to feel the unconditional love I have always felt for them, until August, I miss the feeling so much!

 

[Frankie111]

Ted, when your emotions came back was it a slow thing or did they all come flooding back in one night?

 

[Ted Moen]

It was a very slow, baby step by baby step process. In the beginning, each step generated a flood of anxious apprehension which had to be processed. As time went on, the anxious apprehension decreased and my ability to allow myself to enjoy participating in appropriate relationships and activities increased. These days I have much to be thankful for. I am able to enjoy life. Happy Thanksgiving :)

Ted

 

[Genta]

I've been having some problems with this. This year I was diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depression and anxiety. I'very lost interest in a lot of things, had problems with numbness, getting to sleep and feeling tired all the time. Often I worry I won't be able to pull myself back together completely.

 

[Joose]

Hi Frankie
I am in a very similar situation to you. I would love to hear some stories of people that have got better from this to give me some hope.
Thanks
Joose

 

[TeaLeaf]

The advice that Ted gave was great. It was very very slow baby steps for me too.

I have PTSD from childhood trauma and was numb through my whole childhood and only started feeling some emotions about 10 years ago when I started consistent therapy. About 2-3 years ago, I started to let more emotions in and have been feeling much more calm, loving, loved and connected. For a long time, I was working towards these positive feelings that I never had before and it was very difficult but worth it.

Since it sounds like this is something you have not experienced your whole life, I would think that it would be easier to get back to feeling some emotions than someone in my situation who was working towards something they had not experienced. In any case, I want to reassure there is hope. When things got really tough for me in therapy, my therapist would talk about neuroplasticity and remind me that if a brain can change one way (towards PTSD) then it can change another way (towards healing).

You could have PTSD symptoms but not meet the full diagnostic criteria. The thing about a PTSD diagnosis is that you must meet all criteria for a diagnosis- re-experiencing the event, avoidance of things that remind you of the event (numbness is under this category) and symptoms of increased arousal. Given your emotional numbness, did your doctor also evaluate you for depression?

Are you in therapy?

 

[Britt.f7]

I have alternate moments of feeling. I wish I could tell you how, but I don't know how. With my husband, I guess, I try connecting by touch(not sex), and talking when I do not feel. Of course I think he deserves better, more.

My children will do something, sometimes very basic, and my heart will swell. Moments where they are funny or they express affection towards me. Maybe it's because it seems so pure that it can break through.

I wish I could be more helpful.

 

[EmFelis]

I think the problem with PTSD is that the part of the brain that regulates emotions called the anterior cingulate isnt functioning properly so your emotions get blocked or jammed and you end up feeling numb or full of pain that you cant express. This is why seeing a therapist who is experienced in dealing with PTSD is very useful. Sometimes I find trying to write down words that describe all the feeling I jammed inside (it can be a very long list) of me and then reading them out aloud to a trusted friend (or therapist) can help unblock the emotions. Meditation and or prayer also help the anterior cingulate strengthen. It may well be that with PTSD that it never goes back to "normal" but we have to learn ways to process or regulate our own feelings.

 

[ms spock]

For a long time, I was working towards these positive feelings that I never had before and it was very difficult but worth it.

Wow that is impressive TeaLeaf. I am working towards this.

 

[Shellbell]

I also have a lot of emotional numbing. I've described incidents that have occurred recently and my doc has confirmed it's depersonalization. I now frequently go into 'robot mode' as well to cope since the PTSD hit. I am only just begnning to manage this with grounding.

When in my worst trauma 25 years ago, I had fairly bad dissociation to survive severe abuse for 4 years and have about 3 years of memory missing. Since then I've had further trauma's and had no emotion at all. I recall them like watching something on the TV, even though they were potentially life threatening. Totally disconnected and all like they happened in slow motion, which again is depersonalization.

It's a hard habit to break.