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So today started as a good day. I got up with a positive attitude and went to work.
I read the online newspaper as I do everyday. I ran across a name in the obituaries that I knew. Then a rush of emotion came over me. It was panic, nausea, and fear. I suddenly remembered being in this person's house on a regular basis for Girl Scout/ Brownie meetings. I remembered my mother telling me I never have to go back there. I remember my brothers telling me they would kick his a$$ if he ever came near me. I remember my friend (his daughter) standing there watching me and looking very uncomfortable. I have so few memories from my grade school and earlier years. My fragmented memories have always started with my trauma at age 11. I had totally forgotten these people ever existed. I don't remember more details but I remember the feelings. I remember a great sense of discomfort and embarrassment. Is there a way to remember what happened? Has this ever happened to anyone else? I feel like I should just write in my notebook what I do remember and just let the rest come if it does?
So anyway, as long as I remained in my office suite I am actually quite proud of the way I handled it. I let the emotions come, didn't dissociate, and didn't try to force more details. If I left my office suite I would have panic attacks but overall I think I did well although its very disturbing to me.
Anyway, so evening wears on and my husband (who left our home in August) posts on Facebook that he is going to commit suicide. The kids saw it and alerted me. For hours this evening his brother his friend, and I tried to get him to tell us where he is without luck. He was texting me that he overdosed and was dying. The boys were worried as were the rest of us. Finally the police were able to locate him, reported that he was alive but very out of it and they weren't sure what he had taken. They transported him to the hospital.
So the stress continues to overflow. I told my brother yesterday I would file for divorce when my life settles down. He laughed! :D
He doesn't even know any of the trauma or PTSD stuff!
Anyway, thanks for letting me release on this forum. I don't have therapy until Monday so I don't think I could wait that long!
I read the online newspaper as I do everyday. I ran across a name in the obituaries that I knew. Then a rush of emotion came over me. It was panic, nausea, and fear. I suddenly remembered being in this person's house on a regular basis for Girl Scout/ Brownie meetings. I remembered my mother telling me I never have to go back there. I remember my brothers telling me they would kick his a$$ if he ever came near me. I remember my friend (his daughter) standing there watching me and looking very uncomfortable. I have so few memories from my grade school and earlier years. My fragmented memories have always started with my trauma at age 11. I had totally forgotten these people ever existed. I don't remember more details but I remember the feelings. I remember a great sense of discomfort and embarrassment. Is there a way to remember what happened? Has this ever happened to anyone else? I feel like I should just write in my notebook what I do remember and just let the rest come if it does?
So anyway, as long as I remained in my office suite I am actually quite proud of the way I handled it. I let the emotions come, didn't dissociate, and didn't try to force more details. If I left my office suite I would have panic attacks but overall I think I did well although its very disturbing to me.
Anyway, so evening wears on and my husband (who left our home in August) posts on Facebook that he is going to commit suicide. The kids saw it and alerted me. For hours this evening his brother his friend, and I tried to get him to tell us where he is without luck. He was texting me that he overdosed and was dying. The boys were worried as were the rest of us. Finally the police were able to locate him, reported that he was alive but very out of it and they weren't sure what he had taken. They transported him to the hospital.
So the stress continues to overflow. I told my brother yesterday I would file for divorce when my life settles down. He laughed! :D
He doesn't even know any of the trauma or PTSD stuff!
Anyway, thanks for letting me release on this forum. I don't have therapy until Monday so I don't think I could wait that long!
