Thoughts About Being Bisexual.

[Lady of Longbourn]

His reactions will have huge significance for you because you are still learning to understand you.

I've never thought of it that way. Good point. :)

do some of this processing separately

Yes, I am thinking that is a good idea. It's hard to talk about when I am unsure myself.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I feel so damn guilty right now. Guilty for being bisexual. I should have just sat down with my books and the power of the internet and thought about it myself for awhile. Talked with my therapist.

I feel so bad for hurting him. I think that is what is upsetting me the most. I hurt him and I didn't have too. I could have just been quiet.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I could have just been quiet.

Don't start thinking like this my dear, as soon as you think like that, you will start to drift apart.

Communication is key, and if he doesn't know what is going on in your head, then you will be like every other stranger whose thoughts he doesn't know.

Hurt in this circumstance is (seems) based purely upon the (mis)understanding that has occurred through your communication with each other.

As I have said to my partner, I forgive what you have said, but the hurt cannot, and will not disappear immediately, no matter how hard I try.

This would be useful to remember with your dearly beloved, it doesn't matter how much he adores you, the hurt will still remain, and so that may explain how he is acting right now.

Hurt is as inevitable as triggers, it is based purely on interpretation and understanding, and if neither are maliciously caused, you will not be upset at the person, but rather just focused on dealing with the after effects.

Something I have learnt with my fiance, I usually say to him that; "I'm being bothered by something that just won't get out of my head. It's a difficult topic, so I want to leave it for a bit ."

"If you have questions, feel free to ask, but just understand that it's not something I want to act upon, but something that I want to understand about myself."

"You understand me better than most and can give me insight, but only when you're ready to talk about it."

Anyway, just a thought, I hope you're doing ok, take care, and I hope you keep us updated.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

It is amazing what a good night's sleep will do to your mood. I am much calmer now and a bit more clear headed. I am sure that some how we can work through this. I need to give him time. Being bisexual is not going anywhere so it can wait. Again, steps...Trust first!

I see my therapist in an hour. Looking forward to that.

 

[Core]

With time, perhaps he'll see that you are still yourself and that you'll love him just as much. When nothing changes because of this, how could he continue being scared that it will change everything? I'm hoping he becomes more comfortable with this, so that the two of you can talk about it and resolve the problems.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I talked to my therapist and while it was a good talk I found myself having a hard time bringing it up with him. Maybe a little embarrassed? And I just wasn't sure what I was feeling. Was I accepting it myself? A little angry with myself for rocking my world..

Even now I am not sure what I am feeling. I just was generally feeling confused because this is all so new to me. I've never read a book about it, never been in this life experiences before, never talked with anyone else who is bisexual. Completely clueless but learning.

I explained to him that I think not telling my husband was a bad idea. That even if I had no intention of acting on it that you still have to be honest with your feelings. He agreed with that and said that communication is key in any relationship but he also said "timing is everything." and that now that I have told my husband I should give him time to think about it. That sounds fair enough.

 

[Abstract]

You did absolutely nothing that you should feel guilty for and nothing to regret either. Just because this brings up difficult issues for him does not make it your fault in any way. You also dont need to feel bad or guilty for who you are. Who you are is just perfect because it is who you are.

I don't think just keeping quiet and feeling you need to hide yourself is the answer. I suspect it is a matter of time for him to adjust and for you to adjust to who you are too. And then it is a matter of negotiating the best ways to approach so both of you are protected as much as is possible.

I also wondered if it might be worthwhile starting a new thread. Maybe something along the lines of "Finding my identity and sexuality". That way your husband wont take up such as central role in the thread in the way he has on here. This must still all be very vulnerable stuff for you and you possibly need some validation and support and in a different context you will get much more of that.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

. I've never read a book about it, never been in this life experiences before, never talked with anyone else who is bisexual. Completely clueless but learning.

It's like when you get a new cat. You have seen cats on the TV, seen them outside but never in your home. You know sort of what to do from watching the TV and the instructions on the cat food bag.

I've never read any instructions about this. Whole new life experience for me.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Interesting thought Abstract. I was thinking about that too but hoping that I could still keep the thread. But it will be changing in the next few days. Now that husband knows and is working on it, I can more comfortably start working on it myself without feeling like I am hiding something.

I understand where you are coming from. But it's hard to reach out and start another thread. It was hard making this one...Hope that makes sense.

 

[Abstract]

I think whatever feels best for you is just fine. I think the thread will change anyway with you speaking more about how you feel. That it was so difficult says a lot about where you are in this journey. The newness of it all still.

What do you think is the most difficult part of this for you still? What do you think you need to find it more comfortable other than just chatting about it generally?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I went to the library today and looked for a book about it ( everything starts with books for me!). I couldn't find anything...I did find a book about teenage sexuality. I sort of laughed at myself because I wanted to read it but felt stupid. Geeezzz, I am a 'late bloomer'.

I was a bit disappointed that I couldn't find anything. There was a few gay-marriage books and shelves full of extramarital affairs books but nothing about adult sexuality expect homosexuality, and that was aimed at men. I will have to do some more internet research. I would love to find a book aimed at woman. Surely there is one somewhere? I found other books aimed at woman but more about woman empowerment and feminism. At that point though I felt overwhelmed and decided to go home.

I'll look again tomorrow.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

What do you think is the most difficult part of this for you still?

Not sure. It was even hard to talk with my therapist about it. I feel like "I am 24 and just thinking about it now?"

What do you think you need to find it more comfortable other than just chatting about it generally?

I would love to find other people talking about it. More people like me in my place. Where they are happily married but realize they are bisexual.

I'll have to think about your question more Abstract. Good thinking questions which I am not sure I am up too now.

I wonder if I can find a support group? :wideeyed: