There's no end for us. I feel like a widow. We never forget. I see him in everything I do. I am haunted by him everyday. The pain never goes away. It's like living with a rock on your heart. Searching for answers everyday. Missing that person for better or worse everyday. I've let go I never feel relieved. When you truly love someone you love all of them no matter the ups and downs. Love was supposed to endure. I thought...
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nursenurse
Diamond Member
Those feelings of inadequacy are so encapsulated that it is hard for you to see the forest for the trees. You forget that none of us is perfect, not even us wonderful supporters :D
Pushing those who love you out of your life is like a very slow, painful suicide of the soul. It is one thing to isolate. It is another thing to desert.
When you don't see yourself as a human being, remember that your supporter does. That is a truly important lifeline to hang on to. When you speak of coming around in maybe a few years, the reality is you will be so far into your psychic cave that you will likely not come out.
You don't have to be friends with everybody, and you certainly do not have to like/love everybody. But allow yourself the luxury of having those in your life who love you, and whom you love as well. PTSD does not mean that you are unloveable. It just means you have PTSD. Nothing more.
Pushing those who love you out of your life is like a very slow, painful suicide of the soul. It is one thing to isolate. It is another thing to desert.
When you don't see yourself as a human being, remember that your supporter does. That is a truly important lifeline to hang on to. When you speak of coming around in maybe a few years, the reality is you will be so far into your psychic cave that you will likely not come out.
You don't have to be friends with everybody, and you certainly do not have to like/love everybody. But allow yourself the luxury of having those in your life who love you, and whom you love as well. PTSD does not mean that you are unloveable. It just means you have PTSD. Nothing more.
- Post starter
- #15
D
Deleted member 1860
Re: Celia
We're not even talking about the same thing. I don't have anyone in my life who would be devastated if I just up and left. Sad, perhaps, for a bit, but not devastated. Maybe that's why I don't understand why they can't see that they're better off elsewhere. I mean if there was something deep between us, then yes, I could see staying. But not in the "shallow" relationships I have!
We're not even talking about the same thing. I don't have anyone in my life who would be devastated if I just up and left. Sad, perhaps, for a bit, but not devastated. Maybe that's why I don't understand why they can't see that they're better off elsewhere. I mean if there was something deep between us, then yes, I could see staying. But not in the "shallow" relationships I have!
Queen Boudica
VIP Member
I think you are in a real down at the moment ScaredofLonely and that is bringing on these really negative thoughts.
I go through it myself but I have kids, I cannot go there where I feel guilty because the burden I am putting on them. All I can do is the best I can to work through my issues and push myself to be the best mother possible. My kids love me, your partner loves you. You try your best and don't go into the guilt cycle, that is a guarantee to pull yourself down and your partner and lead you into hurting them. Having said that you can't be perfect, there are times when your partner will suffer because of this condition, but they take the good with the bad. That is true for all relationships.
Imagine it were the other way round and, say you were partner to someone with a physical disability. If that person felt guilty because of their physical disability because it burdens you with all the extra things you might have to do how would you feel? You are with that person you know they have a physical disability and you love them and look after them it is your choice. There are millions of couples where one partner has a physical disability or mental disability out there and they work through it because that is what people do. No-one is perfect not even in relationships where there is no physical or mental disability.
Yes this PTSD is horrible and there are really bad days, but it also gives you an insight into life and a compassion for others and a knowledge of suffering that makes you someone special who is worth loving. Someone who loves you will know you have times when you need your space. Everyone needs their space even those without PTSD.
There is continous pain in life and relationships whether it be due to PTSD or other problems that make up life. Life is not easy, relationships are not easy but as long as you show respect for each other and love each other and work at doing the best you can then that is all you can do.
Please, don't compare PTSD with abuse. It is not the same. It is not a deal breaker. I have been in an abusive relationship, it is not the same.
The supporters on here are writing and venting their pain but I read most of them as really valuing and loving their partners and taking the good with the bad. A lot of what you read on here is others venting and getting support from other supporters who understand. Part of PTSD is needing space, that is not something to feel guilty about as long as it is balanced. That is my feeling on this, but maybe you should ask some of the supporters whose stories you are reading?
You cannot know if you are holding someone back from better things. You probably are the best thing in their life you just don't know it because you are focusing on all the negatives. You have good qualities, write them down and understand why your partner is with you despite some of the crap. Focus on your good.
I go through it myself but I have kids, I cannot go there where I feel guilty because the burden I am putting on them. All I can do is the best I can to work through my issues and push myself to be the best mother possible. My kids love me, your partner loves you. You try your best and don't go into the guilt cycle, that is a guarantee to pull yourself down and your partner and lead you into hurting them. Having said that you can't be perfect, there are times when your partner will suffer because of this condition, but they take the good with the bad. That is true for all relationships.
Imagine it were the other way round and, say you were partner to someone with a physical disability. If that person felt guilty because of their physical disability because it burdens you with all the extra things you might have to do how would you feel? You are with that person you know they have a physical disability and you love them and look after them it is your choice. There are millions of couples where one partner has a physical disability or mental disability out there and they work through it because that is what people do. No-one is perfect not even in relationships where there is no physical or mental disability.
Yes this PTSD is horrible and there are really bad days, but it also gives you an insight into life and a compassion for others and a knowledge of suffering that makes you someone special who is worth loving. Someone who loves you will know you have times when you need your space. Everyone needs their space even those without PTSD.
There is continous pain in life and relationships whether it be due to PTSD or other problems that make up life. Life is not easy, relationships are not easy but as long as you show respect for each other and love each other and work at doing the best you can then that is all you can do.
Please, don't compare PTSD with abuse. It is not the same. It is not a deal breaker. I have been in an abusive relationship, it is not the same.
The supporters on here are writing and venting their pain but I read most of them as really valuing and loving their partners and taking the good with the bad. A lot of what you read on here is others venting and getting support from other supporters who understand. Part of PTSD is needing space, that is not something to feel guilty about as long as it is balanced. That is my feeling on this, but maybe you should ask some of the supporters whose stories you are reading?
You cannot know if you are holding someone back from better things. You probably are the best thing in their life you just don't know it because you are focusing on all the negatives. You have good qualities, write them down and understand why your partner is with you despite some of the crap. Focus on your good.
nursenurse
Diamond Member
I don't know, but if someone would be sad if I was gone, the relationship would be a little deeper than shallow, I would think. And you can't really put thoughts and words into someone else's mouths. I think if you were able to see into others' futures without you in it, you would be surprised at the number of people who's lives you have touched, and who would miss you.
Be discerning about the company you keep, for sure. In any relationship, PTSD or not, the life suckers have to be weeded out. Just don't throw away the lifelines you have, who value you.
Be discerning about the company you keep, for sure. In any relationship, PTSD or not, the life suckers have to be weeded out. Just don't throw away the lifelines you have, who value you.
- Post starter
- #19
D
Deleted member 1860
Re: Nurse
I think I'm a little more than shocked at your response after reading many of your responses to other supporters.
I never think of myself as less than human. Nor do I have an actual "supporter" in the sense of the "supporters" on this site. Yes, there are those who are in my life, but they don't "support" me. It's more like "deal with your own crap because I want none of it" lol.
I think this says it all.... People loving me, well that's not a luxury. I finally realized a few months ago that I don't feel love like other people do. Really, I don't feel love at all. My last therapist told me I have attachment issues but never said if it was a full blown disorder. I understand pain, but not love. People tell me they love me and I don't understand it. I don't understand why? Is it fair to bring someone close to me when I can't love them and when their love is wasted on me because I can't feel it?
Now that I think about it, maybe it's not a PTSD thing so much as an attachment thing.
I think I'm a little more than shocked at your response after reading many of your responses to other supporters.
I never think of myself as less than human. Nor do I have an actual "supporter" in the sense of the "supporters" on this site. Yes, there are those who are in my life, but they don't "support" me. It's more like "deal with your own crap because I want none of it" lol.
I think this says it all.... People loving me, well that's not a luxury. I finally realized a few months ago that I don't feel love like other people do. Really, I don't feel love at all. My last therapist told me I have attachment issues but never said if it was a full blown disorder. I understand pain, but not love. People tell me they love me and I don't understand it. I don't understand why? Is it fair to bring someone close to me when I can't love them and when their love is wasted on me because I can't feel it?
Now that I think about it, maybe it's not a PTSD thing so much as an attachment thing.
nursenurse
Diamond Member
I re-read your original post, you know , people do move on, I can tell you from experience, the hurt lasts. And for better or for worse, it shapes those left behind. If you need to withdraw from your world, do it for yourself. Do not do it for the misguided notion that it is better for them. Do it because it is better for you.
Queen Boudica
VIP Member
(((((((Celia))))))) Your experiences as a supporter are valued. I am sorry you are in such pain.
- Post starter
- #22
D
Deleted member 1860
Re: lizio
I don't have a partner. Sorry most of your well thought out response doesn't apply to me.
I don't have a partner. Sorry most of your well thought out response doesn't apply to me.
nursenurse
Diamond Member
Not sure why what I said was so shocking, SoL. Your last post though sheds a bit more light on how you are feeling and why, and I am sorry. It seemed to me you were in a bad place, however if for your own peace of mind you need to move on, then obviously you have to do whatever it takes to make a life for yourself. I'm just saying don't throw everyone to the side, as long as they are not toxic to your well being. And do what you have to do for yourself, not for anyone else. Supporters come in different ways, not just as significant others :)
- Post starter
- #24
D
Deleted member 1860
Nurse,
I could've sworn that you've told people to kick their sufferers to the curb for bad behavior. Sorry if I'm thinking of someone else.
I could've sworn that you've told people to kick their sufferers to the curb for bad behavior. Sorry if I'm thinking of someone else.
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