I Am Selfish

[Deleted member 1860]

So I'm supposed to accept the few crumbs I'm thrown when every once in awhile *they* want to hang out with *me*? That seems a bit fair weather friend-ish, right?

Ugh, I want to crawl in a hole and isolate. Never come out. I'm supposed to go out tonight but it was a pity invite. No thanks, ill pass.

 

[DharmaGirl]

They only like me when I'm able to fake being normal.

Yeah, that sucks. I feel that way too. I'm always pretending to be normal. When I have a bad time, like now, I isolate. I feel an inch away from a complete breakdown and no one wants to know. I don't know how to make it through this one.

 

[Pencil]

I'm always pretending to be normal. When I have a bad time, like now, I isolate. I feel an inch away from a complete breakdown and no one wants to know. I don't know how to make it through this one.

Every word of this is true for me right now.

 

[gist]

ScaredofLonely, I'm sorry if I missed this, but what is it that you do that's so damaging to others?

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

If someone asks,, do you tell them? When I tell my guy it feels like he is pushing me away he gets worse. He won't talk about it with me. Only once when he told me he had PTSD. I'd just like to know- what is a non-threatening way to ask? What is a good responce? Is there even one?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

what is it that you do that's so damaging to others?

Push people away, push people away, push people away, isolate, get agitated, irritated, anxious, have panic attacks, have flashbacks.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

I wish I could help...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Thanks.

I think I'm to the point where I just need to accept that this is how things are. Accept that I have these faults which prevent me from being in normal relationships, well any sort of relationship, really. If I can accept it, I will be fine.

 

[Luke]

Push people away, push people away, push people away, isolate, get agitated, irritated, anxious, have panic attacks, have flashbacks.

I understand. I do. There have been times in my life where the compulsion or need to isolate myself dominated everything. I definitely don't want to seem argumentative. Just... I mean do with this what you will (& it's just based on my own experience as someone who does the same things, & this may be absolutely invalid or useless to you but)... Just be careful. I only say that & advise such caution because you may turn around one day, look back, & realize you've been quietly isolating yourself for over a decade. You'll never get that time back. At least, I'LL never get that time (OR those people) back anyway. As much as I've felt like I'm better off without them & them without me, I still regret digging myself in, & tuning those people out. I mean, h*ll, even from a pragmatic standpoint... Sometimes (as much as it's like pulling teeth for me to allow) you just need someone to drive you to work when your car's in the shop or take you to the hospital for an operation or something.

I wish I could help...

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I don't know how to make friends?

 

[Philippa]

Being around people helps with making friends. Finding topics of conversation that all parties find interesting and just being around each other. Enrolling in courses where you can find like minded people. Simple steps like this. Putting yourself out there. If you are isolating though, it's not going to happen.

 

[The Albatross]

The end of my isolation was joining a gym, and then expanding it to volunteering. Eventually that led back to employment. It was a series of small stretches. I got a couple friends along the way but found that practicing on acquaintances or coworkers was helpful.