Extreme Shaking. Uncontrollable.

[cdg]

I experienced a huge panic attack after getting worked up. It lasted into the next day. I then experienced uncontrollable shaking. Like the dt's when you drink to much. After this I noticed that part of my frozen trauma was gone. I had a near regular day after I got some sleep. Woke up the next morning and its not as intense but, sorta still there in some ways. Any explanation for this? I don't know what to think. Maybe my body is still trying to release trauma? I don't feel the need to cry as much. My intrusive thoughts are not as prevalent. Yesterday was great. Today I'm a bit groggy with some of the former symptoms but, not as much. Is this part of the process of healing?

 

[Abstract]

cdg, I am not sure if you are familiar with how animals respond when faced with danger. They freeze and then after they shake badly. You might have seen a dog shaking like that. They are forms of freezes from what I understand.

I don't know as much about this as I would like but from what I understand certain types of shaking releases trauma from the body. Humans it seems dont do this effectively in the way animals do.

It sounds like you might have been triggered by something and that your body released some of the stuck trauma.

I have not managed to get around to reading up about body therapy and trauma as I have had other priorities but a lot of your issues seem to be body based so it might be a good idea to read up a little.

Sometimes I shake so violently I feel my teeth will fall out!

 

[LizardViolet]

That does sound like some trauma release to me. Yes, this is a healing process. Yes, animals do it. Humans do it, but sometimes we are uncomfortable with it and block it.

You can read more about it in the books of Peter Levine. Waking the Tiger was his first book about this; In An Unspoken Voice is more recent; Healing Trauma is a slim book that has steps you can use, although he cautions that it may be necessary to have professional help.

I'm glad to hear that some of your symptoms have improved. Body therapy (or somatic experiencing as Levine calls it) can be very effective.

 

[arfie]

I've had healing aftermaths that could be described like this. I compared it to food poisoning. Purging the spoiled food was a bear and I needed time to get my strength back, but in the end it was worth the pain.

Healing happens. Hope it happens to you.

 

[cdg]

I was definitely triggered. I noticed cognitive improvements. My lower teeth are no longer stuck to the back of my upper teeth. I wish I would have kept it up instead of taking a beta blocker and a benzo. I thought I was losing it on Friday. Yesterday was wonderful. I didn't wake up scared. Almost normal. I thought it hit a manageable level. Then today I wake up and experience depersonalizations. Been checked out. Not as bad as before but, still there. I guess it takes a few of these. Yes, it is body based. That is for sure.

 

[cavy]

I recently asked my therapist about this as it has been happening to me too when stressed. She said it is the body's way of dealing with intense emotions - letting you know something is wrong and physically reacting to the emotions at the same time.

It reminds me of soldiers in WW1 who have shell shock, they can be seen on film shaking.

 

[Hashi]

That does sound like some trauma release to me. Yes, this is a healing process. Yes, animals do it. Humans do it, but sometimes we are uncomfortable with it and block it.

I agree with everything LizardViolet says. cdg, I think your response (taking medication to stop it) was how a lot of people would respond, but unfortunately that's an example of blocking it.

Peter Levine explains that it's frozen fight or flight energy. When we, or any animal, are in a situation that threatens our survival, we hold a huge amount of energy ready to use the moment the opportunity arises. This is the kind of intense, crisis energy that enables a mother to lift up one end of a car if her child is underneath it. Typically, an animal will freeze and hold this energy inside until there's an opportunity to either run or fight. Then when the animal later gets to safety, it still has a lot it's holding on to so it shakes it off and works off the trauma in other ways.

Humans, on the other hand, may be in a situation where they can't get to a place of safety to do this (eg a child being abused, or being in a war). By the time someone does get to safety, the trauma can be frozen inside and people often try to stop the shaking if it starts. Over time, the energy trying to emerge then being suppressed again can make it even more deeply frozen.

This type of shaking is a healing release of frozen energy, but it can seem alarming if you don't know what it is. You can also go cold, get itchy and make involuntary movements.

I had craniosacral therapy to facilitate the release of trauma energy and I shook violently for several hours a day for weeks. A lot of that energy/fear has left me now, and I don't know how I could do trauma work if it hadn't and I was still holding it. Probably it would take me years more psychotherapy because I'd have to go so much slower.

I still shake (though not as violently) when I talk about trauma in therapy and afterwards. I'm still processing what has long been frozen in my cells.

 

[cdg]

Thanks Hashi and everyone. I read waking the Tiger. I specifically looked for a trauma therapist who specialized in craniosacral therapy and somatic experiencing. Got lucky and found one that was also a Psychologist. I had my 3rd session today. She said it was ok to take the pill because releasing to much trauma at once could be retraumatizing. She said that was occurring.

Hashi.. Can you explain a little more about how your craniosacral therapy went? How it helped to thaw the frozen physiological part? What did you experience when it happened? What did the therapist do specifically that got it to release? What had technique on what part of the body etc...

 

[Hashi]

Difficult to answer. I came across craniosacral therapy (CST) initially through a practitioner who had only just trained. I was seeing her for shiatsu massage. This was really early on in recovering memories and working on trauma, and we tried CST because I trusted her so much and knew so little at that point. She wasn't experienced enough to know what to do with the extreme nature of my reactions so I then found a CST therapist who was the opposite - very, very experienced, really knew about trauma, was a teacher at one of the country's leading institutes etc.

So my experience of CST (with the second practitioner) might not be typical. He was so advanced and attuned to what he was doing that I was aware of only some of it. I never told him any details, only that "I experienced a trauma". However, he could clearly tell that there had been more than one, exactly what they had been, and at what age.

A typical session would consist of me on the way there doing a visualisation that I'd be safe during the session, that anything that was healing would be accepted by my system but anything that was too much right now would be gently put to one side. Then my CST therapist would ask me how I'd been, and was really only interested in somatic information. I was seeing someone else for psychotherapy. Then he'd hold my feet and get an overall sense of things, and that would tell him what parts of my body/system wanted attention at that point.

Because it wasn't psychotherapy, everything was based around body/central nervous system reactions. All I was aware of him doing was placing his hands on different parts of my body. I told him anything I was experiencing, and sometimes he would ask me questions, but a lot of the time was silent. He'd give me feedback about what he was sensing and how that shifted as he worked - for example, that he was feeling a release of tension held in my shoulder or whatever. Occasionally he'd be really quiet or would ask his higher power, out loud, for help - this was never a good sign because it meant he was sensing something really bad, but I felt he was always in control of it, which he was.

One thing he sensed was that the fear had been refrozen so many times it was now fear of the fear of the fear.... which was very true. It was helpful to have him explain things like this because all I experienced was fear and I wasn't aware at that point of what that was composed of. Through working with him over time, though, I became much better at scanning and sensing my body myself. He actively taught me this.

Both he and I were very strong on staying safe and away from things like flashbacks or distress. With the newly qualified CST therapist I saw right at the beginning, she just didn't have those skills, and I imagine that a lot of therapists are somewhere inbetween these two extremes. With her, I felt the safety aspect was all down to me, and that was too much. I think the therapist has to have a good knowledge and understanding of how not to trigger too much. I think it's common for the client to keep giving feedback to the therapist throughout the session for that reason. In my case, though, I didn't do that and it was fine because he was so skilled.

Between sessions I would shake and shake, but never during. With the first CST therapist, it was during too. I did a lot of work too. As well as psychotherapy, journaling, allowing the shaking (had to make special arrangements at work so I could accommodate this instead of shutting it down), I did spend time on visualisation and preparation for the sessions to be both safe and healing.

The shaking would always be preceded by going cold, especially in the soles of my feet which would get so cold it was acutely painful. The shaking wasn't entirely like the kind of shaking you get from being cold, though. It was like convulsions. I would lie down on the floor with a blanket over me, and I'd shake so hard my body would lift off the floor.

I experienced a lot of what's called unwinding - the body going into positions or movements from the trauma. I have to be honest and say this was freaky and distressing, but I kept reminding myself it was processing. My arms would actually move vigorously as if trying to free themselves of restraints, and other things much worse. For some time I would wake up with my face fixed in a grimace which was terrible when I caught sight of it in the bathroom mirror - it was like a mask of trauma.

I also used to wake up sweating but very calm and even peaceful. I think in the book, Levine says you may find yourself perspiring in your sleep. I hope it's not too much information to say that drenched bedclothes were more like it in my case, but it used to make me feel that I was throwing out the trauma and ridding my body of it, so I welcomed it (and changed bedclothes frequently, and wrapped myself In cotton nightclothes before falling asleep).

With all of the things, even though they could be difficult in themselves, overall they felt healing and they felt like a release (which they were).

Another thing I began to experience more and more, and which has now far overtaken the shaking, is what I interpret as the "healing vortex" that Peter Levine talks about. I feel what I call a loop of energy circulating, either around a point of my body or between two points, for example between my wrists (unfortunately my wrists were integral to trauma). I did used to experience this during sessions, as well as outside them. It's an amazing, healing feeling and I've always loved it - as if my body is righting and realigning itself.

I'm kind of in awe that you found a psychologist who does craniosacral therapy and somatic experiencing! Wow. I often wanted to see one person who combined different aspects, instead of being split between two people. In the end, I believe we find what's right for us individually, and there were advantages to seeng two separate people. I can imagine a lot of advantages in seeing one person who does both, though.

 

[cdg]

very, very experienced, really knew about trauma, was a teacher at one of the country's leading institutes etc.

She is an advanced craniosacral therapist who specializes in somatic experiencing. She has a PhD in Psychology and is a board certified psychologist. She has been for 25 years. I looked at 40 different therapists until I found her. Between Austin and San Antonio, TX. I got lucky for sure. She teaches classes as well. The San Antonio area has a lot of PTSD issues. They have and Airbase and plenty of veterans. Not to mention the innercity violence that is prevalent. We will see how it works out. I am seeing her 3 times a month. I think she is in an investigative phase. I hope to experience all of the things you did with it.

1 more question for you Hashi... Were you on medication while doing craniosacral? What meds?

 

[LizardViolet]

Hashi, thank you so much for sharing your experience. It sounds like it was a difficult road, but I hope that your experience will illuminate the path for others.

 

[Hashi]

1 more question for you Hashi... Were you on medication while doing craniosacral? What meds?

I wasn't on any prescription meds, except for occasional beta blockers (propranolol) and occasional diazepam. When I say occasional, I mean a small dose about once a month. But when I first started craniosacral therapy I was still self-medicating with alcohol. I think this interfered to some extent with the healing process but not 100%. When the reaction was very strong, especially during the first few months, one of two things would happen. Sometimes, I would get all the reactions regardless of drinking. Sometimes it was like my system would wait until the alcohol was pretty much out of my system, and then would start. I suspect this might be why so much happened at work, because work was a break from the drinking.

I think the whole question of prescription meds and craniosacral therapy is a tricky one. I think meds can have a place at times, and if they keep us alive and functioning then fair enough. Often that's needed. I have a bit of a concern about meds being used more than this, but as to what taking them means in terms of the healing process from craniosacral therapy, I would say - ask your system. Or get your therapist to ask your system. In the end, the way I see it is that I don't know and you (your conscious mind) can't know, but your central nervous system/body knows.

It sounds like you've found a really great therapist. I hope it's OK that I feel a bit excited for you. Craniosacral therapy/somatic therapy helped me so much. I think all healing journeys are very personal, so yours might not look like mine, but I do think somatic therapy is very, very healing.