General My Son's Death is Tearing Me Apart

[Jen]

Kathy you are a strong woman and hopefully you will be able to cope after a while!

 

[Lisa]

I just wanted to say I'm pleased that you accepted that you need a little help to deal with your grief, Kathy. It's a hard thing for anyone to admit, let alone someone who worked in the same field that you are receiving help from! You've done brilliantly allowing a former colleague to assess you... I guess that must have been difficult. But good for you.

Hard as it is... you are starting to deal with things better already, simply by acknowledging when you need a bit of extra help is a huge, huge step.

Thinking of you.

 

[Kathy]

Thank you all for your thoughts. I am still not feeling very well. I am finding everything quite difficult at the moment, facing some difficult truths about myself. I realize I only have enough energy for therapy, my husband and my children. As a result I am not posting as much here upon the forum. I will still be around to edit, read, and answer some posts, however my participation will be limited over the next little while.

 

[Nicolette]

Take as much time as you need for your own healing Kathy as it is a priority. We will miss your posts but will have you in our thoughts.

 

[anthony]

Please ensure you do take your own advice Kathy.... the forum will continue to run in your absence.... you first thanks.

 

[Damiea]

Hope you get better soon Kathy.. we are all thinking of you!
I was thinking maybe adding someone else as an editor for the carers section to help take some of the stress off Kathy might help? I would vote to nominate Nicolette if that was ok with her.

 

[Kathy]

The editing job is truthfully not much work for me. It is only a few minutes a day currently, as I have cut back dramatically. Considering how I am not even able to manage my own household at this point, I would like to retain editing here, it helps me to feel somewhat useful at least.

 

[anthony]

You know it is always here for you Kathy.... you actually do not need to worry about that as I have highlighted to you before. You are a true asset to this forum, to carers and sufferers alike. You first though.... whatever best suits you is important.

 

[Nicolette]

I was thinking maybe adding someone else as an editor for the carers section to help take some of the stress off Kathy might help? I would vote to nominate Nicolette if that was ok with her.

Thank you for the compliment Damiea but to be totally honest I could not even come close to filling Kathy's shoes as she does such a tremendous job as well as having the gift of putting advice in such a caring way.

Kathy retaining what she does is important to her and I respect that and having something to make us feel useful is necessary for our own self worth - especially when you are feeling down.

Unfortunately I also run my own company and could not give a commitment to the forum either as my work demands have to come as a priority.

In the event that Kathy was unable to edit for a short period of time (which I hope doesn't occur) I would be happy to assist as a moderator with the general administration tasks. I would not be able to accept any ongoing role as much as I would like to help.

Kathy has been a blessing to the forum :smile:

 

[Kathy]

I am sorry if I sounded sensitive earlier. Of course I do need to take breaks also, it is only that I quite enjoy editing here, and I am feeling a bit useless at the moment. My family has decided to hire a housekeeper in order to give me a break from taking care of the home. Whilst this might sound wonderful to most people I am feeling quite down at the prospect of it, as taking care of the home is something I enjoy doing for my family. I do realize I require a rest, however I am not used to being looked after by others! I've been a mother for 36 years and I feel rather lost at the moment.

Kathy retaining what she does is important to her and I respect that and having something to make us feel useful is necessary for our own self worth - especially when you are feeling down.

Thank you Nicolette, this explains it quite well.

 

[anthony]

This doesn't make you any lesser mother Kathy, actually it makes you only a stronger one IMHO, because you can atleast see the bigger picture here. You can see that your demise by overdoing yourself has a consequential flow on effect to yourself and your family at this time. This isn't a permanent thing Kathy, it is something to help minimize the current stresses within the house so that you can help you, so that your family can help you, so that you can work through this time and come out the other end in one piece, stronger, united as a family, not broken down, separated, all at one anothers throats. It is not a reflection of your ability to be a mother Kathy, it is a reflection of yourself as a person to know when you need help. Says a lot to me Kathy, a whole lot. Well done to you Kathy, you should praise yourself for your acts that lead to helping you, not hindering you. Stubborness and pride does not typically see us come out the other side of these ordeals.... the more honest you are with yourself and your life as it currently stands, the higher chance you will come through this without issue and even the faster you will come through this. Why hinder the process IMHO when you have the resources to speed it up so you can get back to your life as you view it faster, and far superior emotionally!!! You first Kathy.... its a hard thing to grasp at first, but it truly is important. You need a safe, secure and stress free environment to heal.... the very same things I told Evie she needed in order to help herself. You and Jim provided that for her and it helped Evie achieve exactly that.... now your turn with your trauma Kathy.

Kinda like having you as a carer Kathy, and to not become a sufferer thanks.

 

[Nicolette]

I am feeling quite down at the prospect of it, as taking care of the home is something I enjoy doing for my family. I do realize I require a rest, however I am not used to being looked after by others! I've been a mother for 36 years and I feel rather lost at the moment.

You know what Kathy, accepting the help while you are not at your best is the best thing you can do for your family as a mother. By removing some of your stress for you it means the family have a greater chance of their mother/wife being there for them to give love and nurturing rather than being sick and unable to function.