Re-claiming Your Body

[Upside Down Eagle]

So I was wondering if anybody here has discovered techniques to reclaim their own bodies, after they've gone through traumatizing events that made them "leave their body" behind.

I find that I'm having a really hard time coming back into this body, everytime that I'm aware of it I feel pretty much sick, and I feel like somebody else is inhabiting it which makes me feel enraged and powerless.

I'm enraged by it and at the same time I'm terrified of it, it doesn't feel like a safe place, it feels like something that is too vulnerable and would betray me. Nevertheless, I want it back -but I don't know how.

Has anyone tried to or accomplished this? Any suggestions are welcome :)

 

[The Albatross]

Yes. Cranio sacral therapy.

I learned how to get back in, stay in or when I'm scared out put myself back in. "I" know where "I" am now. For me it is "behind my eyes".

A for instance would be reading an article about a kidnapped and murdered 10 year old in Missouri with witnesses and a neighbor who attempted pursuit. (today) I went out when I read the story as the kidnapper/murder asked the girl who was walking home directions (like my attempted kidnapper did to me at or near her age). I put myself back in a couple minutes without flashback or more than average distress.

It can happen.

Trauma can make us think we are "not safe" in our bodies. So some of us "bail". Or are half in and half out.

"I" was hovering about two inches in front of the bridge of my nose. I had little to no body sensation and was basically dragging it around... like mind over matter.

 

[Nonexistent]

Yes. Pain processing from the past.

For example, triggering music helps thinks about trauma and let go of it. Piece by piece returning to the once abandoned body...

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Cranio sacral therapy.

This has been suggested to me earlier this week, sounds like a great idea. I used to be all the way outside my body, floating above it. I read that there's a word for it, autoscopy... where you see yourself while floating somewhere above. Now I'm sort of hovering around it, but scared to be in it.

@BrokenGlass , are you saying I should confront my triggers? Or just the triggering music. I hate music about love, or music that brings up more images that I'd rather not see. Overall, I run away from my triggers like a marathon runner. My other approach is that I get enraged, but that's just another way of running.

 

[The Albatross]

I was not aware of it until my consult. After a few questions, she stopped and asked me where "I" was. I put my hand in front of my eyes a couple of inches in front of the bridge of my nose. She smiled and said most people put their hand over their heart.

Where are you Radise?

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Where are you Radise?

I don't really know. When I try to locate myself just feeling, I feel vague and ill-defined like a ghost.

I do feel an intense energy in the center just below my chest -the solar plexus -but when I put up some music (Ananda Giri chants) more images of my dad came up and I almost went into another tantrum so I went back to safety real fast. I think I'm so afraid of processing, that it would be great to have kind of therapy (like that one) help me along.

 

[Nonexistent]

@Radise Got ya! (No, really, it's so nice to share something...)

I so understand you, the triggers are like all over the place, images, music, feelings, people...

Even the symbolic ones (like in movies, paintings, landscape, so-hated political party:p).

Yes! Exactly, confronting your triggers. And fears, too!

Last day I imagined that two last family members I have left are gone... A very distressing, unpleasant thought, and I just let myself have the feelings... And I was astounded, on what it opened for me...

Music... hm, well some music I hate to the point that it makes no sense to listen to and evokes nothing but irritation, so I guess this kind is not useful. However, there's music that I hate, which makes me sad, melancholic, depressive... That kind I would successfully use as a trigger. Then it's the job for imagination and memories. But I guess it is important that you do tie your feelings to the past trauma, not just be very sad for no reason. There has to come out a resolution and some realization (opposite of de-realization) in this. Like, a good sign is when you don't cry over the same thing twice. You reconnect to your being and feeling. The sensation of pain also should be coming out from the inside. Like that song in Frozen, Let it go, let it go...

It's very unpleasant, I must admit. Facing yourself is the bravest act there can ever be... And the most rewarding...

Like they say "no pain, no gain", a little bit of a masochistic quote :D...

The good part is that you will never allow the same abuse or feel helpless about it anymore, once you deal with that, and you'll easily spot the potential perpetrators.

EDIT: go easy on yourself and be proud of your accomplishments, there's even a fun part of it, like searching for triggers in movies, etc. I sincerely wish you strength.

 

[The Albatross]

The first thing is to know where you are (to put yourself back in) but that is optional for cranio sacral. The good practitioner can do that and then teach you how to do it for yourself. Whenever I attempt to retell or sometime even remember trauma or read a story that is close to my own trauma I go out.

To me it is a thunk like a transmission changing gears. I "drop" back behind my eyes. Then I do a self check. Can I feel my head, my shoulders, my arms, my hands and fingertips, my back bone, my pelvis and hips, ... all the way down to my toes and the soles of my feet where they are on the floor.

It is simultaneous now, but when I was learning took effort, time and practice.

 

[Hope4Now]

I agree with the cranial sacral suggestion. I have managed to get treatments pretty regularly and they help. I have a couple of other suggestions that have helped me. It isn't easy. I still feel nauseous often when I am doing this stuff, but it is getting better with regular practice.

What has also helped is advice from a yogi/pranic healer/aryuvedic medicine specialist. When she told me what I should do I thought she was completely nuts, but I thought I'd try it. Everyday, for around 2 weeks, I "drybrushed" my whole body very gently with one of those ball things that people use for shower gel (the first time I used a loofah--that was a big mistake) and then a back scrubber for my back. Then I was to massage oil (I used sesame oil from the grocery store at her suggestion) into my whole body starting with my head (yes, really) and going all the way to my feet. The oil was to be warm. As I did this I was to notice the parts of myself I was touching. Then I was to shower using soap only as necessary. At first, this was extremely uncomfortable for me emotionally...very scary to re-enter my body, but I was so desperate to heal (of course, I thought this would do the trick...lol!) that I made myself do it and just tried to be really slow and gentle with myself. Then something happened and I realized how good it actually felt and how wonderful the oil made my skin feel. Over a few weeks, I started to actually look forward to the process. (if you take this on, just be careful about clogging your drain...you need to use castille soap to melt off the oil). Eventually, I stopped doing the whole process exactly as she had told me to and developed my own. But doing this started me on the right path.

Now, when I shower, I pay attention to the feel of the water on different parts of my body, and as I soap up, I look at each part and say "hello" to it. I know that sounds weird but it really helps. And I just recently got a cd from a trauma therapist named Peter Levine (Healing Chronic Pain) who has a really similar excercise: he says to, starting with your head, gently pat each part of your body and say something like, "This is my head. Hello head. Welcome to my body."

During other parts of the day, I try to give myself gentle massages on my arms and legs, even just for a few minutes. While I do this I try to focus on my breathing and just let thoughts go.

 

[Barconian]

Now I'm sort of hovering around it, but scared to be in it.

Why?

 

[Barconian]

Has anyone tried to or accomplished this? Any suggestions are welcome

Ummm Yes... I like you @Radise... All I can say is you are on the right path for you my friend :)

 

[Barconian]

@Radise Got ya! (No, really, it's so nice to share something...) I so understand you, the triggers are like all over the place, images, music, feelings, people... Even the symbolic ones (like in movies, paintings, landscape, so-hated political party).

Relax Broken :)