How Do I Stop The Rape Flashbacks?

[Alex Callen]

Hello.

This is hard to type. I hate it. I was raped for 6 years by someone. I won't tell who. Since I was 10, up until now. I am 16, sophomore in high school. Every so often, I have flashbacks, waking nightmares, of my, rape. I don't know when it happens, it comes up out of nowhere sometimes, or sometimes my friends are talking about something, and it reminds me of the person, then I think of, it. I get really scared, I start to breathe heavily, all I can think of his him. I try to hide it as best as I can, but some people have seen me, and they say that I whisper phrases over and over again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please, please, stop."

I hate the flashbacks. What can I do to make them stop? I do not want to tell anyone any information about the person, because I don't want him to get in trouble.

What can I do?

 

[InsideAWord]

Go talk to a therapist when you're ready. There's no on/off switch for flashbacks.

 

[Alex Callen]

I've tried telling her, but I'm afraid that the confession is out of her 'rules of confidentiality'. And I don't want her telling my mom, or the police.

 

[Justmehere]

Hi Alex, sounds like you are really going through a rough time. I'm so sorry for what happened to you - and for what you are experiencing now. It's a very normal reaction to the trauma you have gone though, but I know these kinds of experiences are scary. You have taken a GREAT step by reaching out here. Have you talked to a counselor about this? Over the long run, processing what you have been through with a trauma therapist is going to be the best route to stop these symptoms you are experiencing. Talking to a therapist doesn't mean you have to give identifying details of who hurt you. Sharing just what you have shared here is enough detail for them to begin to help you get through this, and isn't enough detail for them to report anything to anyone. If you were to share more with them, and they did report it, it would be to protect you and any other possible future victims - which I know is still a really scary thing to face - but it should be done with upmost care and concern for you and your safety. Protecting your abuser should be the least of your concerns right now. Put you and your healing first.

You can also try googling "grounding skills" - these skills, when practiced throughout the day, even when not experiencing symptoms, will help reduce the number of flashbacks and any other symptoms.

Something I do a lot to be "grounded" is to keep rock in my pocket and whenever I begin to feel the trauma getting stirred up, somewhat like what you describe, I put my hand in my pocket and hold the rock and say to myself "something in my present is reminding me of the past, but I am safe now" and I really try to focus on feeling the texture of the rock and I notice everything I can around me, being mindfully aware and telling myself "I am safe now." Another thing that I do is hold something cold or something very warm, like an ice cube or frozen water bottle or a cup of hot tea when I start to feel really intense panic, and this will help me be really grounded and calm down my nervous system. I don't know why it works, but it does work for me, and is something my trauma therapist taught me.

A good trauma therapist can help you learn grounding skills and find the ones that best work for you. They can help in many other ways too. Grounding skills are not a full solution to the flashbacks, but it can help for now until you are ready to talk about what happened and process through it.[DOUBLEPOST=1399436551,1399436430][/DOUBLEPOST]Ah, I think I cross posted with you. I just read your last post.

Have you talked to your therapist about the concerns you have about sharing more with her and your fear that she will tell the police and your mom what happened to you?

 

[Alex Callen]

Talking to a therapist doesn't mean you have to give identifying details of who hurt you. Sharing just what you have shared here is enough detail for them to begin to help you get through this, and isn't enough detail for them to report anything to anyone.

Something I do a lot to be "grounded" is to keep rock in my pocket and whenever I begin to feel the trauma getting stirred up, somewhat like what you describe, I put my hand in my pocket and hold the rock and say to myself "something in my present is reminding me of the past, but I am safe now" and I really try to focus on feeling the texture of the rock and I notice everything I can around me, being mindfully aware and telling myself "I am safe now." Another thing that I do is hold something cold or something very warm, like an ice cube or frozen water bottle or a cup of hot tea when I start to feel really intense panic, and this will help me be really grounded and calm down my nervous system. I don't know why it works, but it does work for me, and is something my trauma therapist taught me.

Thank you very much for the reply.

I am already seeing a regular counsoler, my mom suggested I visit her so I can figure out why my grades have been so low lately. Does a trauma therapist have to be a specific type of therapist? Or would my current general therapist know how to deal with these issues.

If not, how could I explain to my mom that I need a trauma counsoler if I can't tell her the trauma?

I've thought about telling my mom, but I don't want her to feel bad for me. Being that the person is someone she trusts. I really don't want police or court or anything like that involved, I just want it to stay within family.

I have actually done something similar to your rock idea, although, it's an eraser. :p

Also, I have been worried about STD's, and other diseases. Sorry if this is out of range for the forum category, this probably isn't the right place to talk about it. I don't know what I can do with that.

Sorry, and Thank you!

--Edit--
I think we cross-posted again. :p

I have not yet told my therapist. As explained above, I don't know if I have the courage to tell her something like that (yet).

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Nothing wrong with talking about your fears of STD's. Honestly it should be a more open topic and with rape victims is a very valid concern.

 

[Alex Callen]

Nothing wrong with talking about your fears of STD's. Honestly it should be a more open topic and with rape victims is a very valid concern.

Oh, alright. Thanks. I just thought it was a little off topic to the Forum Category.

Do you have any tips on things I can do in that regard?

Thank you.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Not really sure what you mean by your question. I have been raped and using protection was...there was none. Never was, he wanted me to get pregnant so I would be more his.

But I am guessing you mean what can you do? There are free clinics that offer testing, I am unsure if they will give you testing becasue you are underage. However STD have bad long term effects. In woman for example having STD's for a long period of time can cause infertility. I know your profile says male but I am just trying to give you an explainion.

I know you don't want to hurt your mother. I can't tell you what her reaction will be but I think for your safety from future rapes and disease you may want to tell her.

 

[Healing Reins]

hi!
It's nice to see another high school student on here! It makes me feel less alone :) Granted I'm almost done with high school, but that doesn't matter :)

I really encourage you to seek out a therapist that you trust, and are willing to talk to. Both of these are key components into feeling better!

What has helped me the most is finding a trauma therapist. I would recommend finding a trauma therapist because they are specifically trained to deal with flashbacks, and other complications that might come up. I have a trauma therapist, while she and I aren't really close, she has helped me quite a bit, which has been beneficial

I think you should really talk with your therapist and discuss what options you have.

 

[Echo]

@Alex Callen - I am very sorry you are having problems like these; I know how scary it is. It is also horrible to have to accept that your body is wanting help and is starting to deal with trauma now.

If you were to disclose a little to your current counsellor, she might suggest she should refer you on to a trauma therapist. A general counsellor is unlikely to have the right skills. Since you are a minor, she may have to tell your mum, and I guess she is paying for the counselling.

One thing you can do is take yourself off to a charity that deals with rape and abuse. There are generally ones for men and separate ones for women, and sometimes, depending on the country, different ones again for children and teenagers. This is a confidential service and they should be able to help you in several ways, with getting tested for STDs and getting to talk to a therapist with specialist skills in this area. Either let us know which country you are in, and we can let you know which charity to call, or google it for yourself, if you'd rather.

I hope you are safe just now and away from your rapist/abuser.

 

[Justmehere]

As far as your mom - one way to look at it is like this: If I was a mom, and I found out my son was hurt by someone I trusted, it would upset me... but I would be very deeply thankful my son told me. I would so badly want to know my son was hurting, and to know who hurt them - especially if it was someone I trusted. It would not hurt me that he told me. I would be hurt if he kept it a secret from me to try and protect me. I would be grateful and glad he told me, because then I would know not to trust the person and I would best be able to help my son.

You can go see a family doctor and tell them simply that you need to be tested for every STD and you can't discuss why. They may press it because of your age, but you can hold your boundary and and say you don't want to talk about why and they should test you anyhow.

That being said, I think it's also worth the "risk" of telling people... and if you are not ready to tell them, talk to your counselor about why you are not ready and your fears that if you share more, she might report what you say and that it might go to the police and your mom - tell your counselor you don't want that, and she will likely be able to help you with those very fears, regardless if you ever tell her what happened to you or not. Keep talking and keep sharing in what ways you can.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@Justmehere,
The rules of reporting are a bit different when the person is still a minor. You are stating rules that apply to adults. I don't want to scare Alex, but at the same time he deserves to be told accurate information. Having said that, I hope that Alex finds the courage to tell a trusted adult. Alex, you don't deserve to be subjected to this abuse, and unfortunately healing can't really start until the abuse stops. That is, while the abuse is ongoing, it's going to be near impossible to get a handle on your flashbacks. I don't have visual flashbacks so my advice on how to handle flashbacks probably won't work for you. Can you please tell your mom what is going on? Don't worry about the person who is abusing you getting into trouble. He is the one in the wrong and doesn't deserve your protection. I know what you are facing is very scary, but if you don't stand up now and get the help you need, then things are only going to get worse. I don't want to scare you, but there are a lot of people here on the forum who have been dealing with PTSD for a lifetime....don't become one of these people. Reach out for help now so that you can stop the damage and start the healing process. Otherwise, I hate to say it, but you'll just be a slave to these flashbacks.