Dear
@Valentino , I'm sorry I just can't find the quote for looking about "(you) didn't feel that I have a feeling of self-hatred", or some words to that effect, but I wanted to thank you because it has helped me think about it & realize something. It has helped me to realize I have great shame to have an opinion, or rather have to explain why I do as regards myself. And when I feel happier or more at peace I have less self-hatred, or no focus on it, even if it's under the surface. I think (know) for me it's thanks to God, & my friend's help. And the kind people here, too, they are so encouraging, my heart is very thankful & very amazed I should receive that in my life. All of it is very contrary to how I feel as regards myself.
Because last time I felt 'happy' or much progress I accidentally found myself just about killing myself (I was doing an affirmation-, it seemed great), I wanted to not let myself do that this time. I've realized so much is trust. And that SI for me equates entirely to feeling I am a burden, not escaping pain of circumstances. I am learning in a small way to cut myself some slack, & to try to do it without great guilt or feeling like I am being delusional to afford it to myself.
I think we do get some 'sense' or 'feeling' of what works for us, & equally what we are not capable of. Someone said our 'limbic brain' needs sensory distractions, I think that is also very true. I can feel like hell but if all of a sudden there is a dog there to pet I forget mostly everything.
I think we each have different needs or need to go about things differently depending on our how 'raw' we feel.
