What Would Be The Worst Thing Ptsd Has Done To You ?

[Sammyiam]

I have done a lot of reading on this site, and their are so many things that have totally destroyed peoples lives dealing with PTSD and other symptoms that goes along with PTSD.

It seems like such a tangled web that we all have to deal with every day, I was sitting here thinking what is the worst thing that I think PTSD has done to me, and then started thinking, what about everyone else what would they say, we are all very similar and still very different but their seems to be such a big cross over, you sit here reading and say wow I do that I'm not all alone after all.

So the thing I feel is one of my worst things I have to deal with is

The thought of dying 50 to 100 times a day because of something I have done wrong, or being a bad person, or it's all my fault and I deserve to die, or a combination of all three, I feel like I am going to die young and not live to an old age, every day it haunts me. I first had it happen at around 13 or 14 and ever since it has come and gone sometimes I can control it, other times it eats me up like a big dark monster waiting to gobble me up and take me over, like I will never be normal again. I don't even know what normal is anymore.

Thanks
Sammy

 

[macbeth]

Great thread Sammy. Ptsd has robbed me of my life, beliefs and sense of self. Everything I once was i am no longer. PTSD the gift that keeps on giving!!!

 

[Friday]

Endangered the lives of those around me

 

[Sammyiam]

You are so right MacBeth, it affects your whole life and I'm sure most people could fill up and entire book of the effects it has had on your life, I know I could. Yes it just seems to keep getting worse the more you start to try and sort it, the old saying it gets worse before it gets better is so true.

It really is the gift that does keep giving Macbeth

 

[Chava]

Whether it's all trauma or trauma + attachment stuff...worst is probably trying to kill myself and the other times I wanted to live but felt entirely alone in the universe.

 

[Sammyiam]

Whether it's all trauma or trauma + attachment stuff...worst is probably trying to kill myself and the other times I wanted to live but felt entirely alone in the universe.

I think a lot of us have felt that way Chava, I know I have,

I often think how can you have so many friends but feel so alone

 

[digger]

The effect it's had on my relationship with my son.

 

[littlelostchild]

My trauma has robbed me of the ability to make fulsome attachments. I feel sad for the fact that I love my children and can't show it in the ways most mothers do. I am always there for them, but was never much of a huggy, kissy, saying 'I love you' mom. I love them with my soul, but find it hard to express. The same goes for my husband. I just learned to say 'I love you' in the past 6 months - we have been together 34 years!

Also my sense of safety. I don't even feel safe in my own home. The lies of PTSD tell me that someone will jump out and sexually assault me, even though that was 40 years ago, but it was in my home, so it transfers.

All of this being said, I'm working on it and I try not to give up hope. Things are way better than they were 2 years ago.

 

[The Albatross]

I think the worst thing PTSD has done to me was prior to diagnosis. All the risky situations I put myself in and didn't have the tools, education, or skills to get myself out or away from led to further adult traumatization. That was a pretty f'cking bitter pill to swallow.

 

[desiderata310]

It's made my world smaller. TV, movies I can't watch them. Have to sensor what I read and what I talk about.

I can't have regular relationships with other people. I assume the worst and am slow to trust.

 

[Go Hungry]

I would say.. Well I could say tons of things. I guess the worst is that I'm scared of people. Like, everyone. I only know the names of about 9 people where I work, despite having been there for 9 years. I've done lots of things to embarrass myself over the years, largely because of the bipolar that it set off. I'm a serial people-pleaser. I've run off every girl I ever had a relationship with because I can't trust anyone. Even kids scare me. I have trouble going places without a friend to reassure me with their presence. There's really just a host of things. It's basically just controlled my life since I was very little. I don't really have a concept of the fabled "normal."

So that stuff.

 

[SaySomething]

One of the worst things for me, I think, is the alienation. I always feel alone. Around my family and the few friends I've managed to maintain, I put on an act. It's like I've learned to be what THEY need me to be ... and they need me to be healthy. So I wear a mask, and it is exhausting. Then, when the mask cracks a little bit, I panic and retreat to my solitude. At least when I'm sitting alone in my room, I don't have to pretend.