What Would Be The Worst Thing Ptsd Has Done To You ?

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Wow , I can associate with every response cptsd has completely destroyed me, my family and almost my career. But my husband doesn't get it, which lead to a split, nd ironically it's out tenth wedding anniversary today which had resulted in a big row, loss of appetite and rows! Stupidly enough I thought he'd understand and we could try and make things work but I think thats fantasy and reality. Wat a mess but how nice to read everyone's messages coz it's first time I've joined summat like this and strangely I feel I'm not alone.

 

[maryiscontrary]

This is a great thread! Yes, add me to the ego and identity disintegration stuff that everybody else describes. To me, sticking my head in the Bucket O' Truth (BoT) and trying to piece together a narrative about myself is difficult. It is difficult because my reality seems disorganized. I cannot judge if people have an agenda (through I am learning rudimentary coping skills ), so I am always blindsighted. I am having to let go of toxic people all the time. Or situations. I constantly get rid of possession, cause I understand that having a bunch of stuff is a pain in the ass--keeping up with it, storing it, cleaning it.

Not worth it. Possessions come and go like the wind.

It is this weird detachment Everything has been so temporal. I have lost everything many times over. When you say goodbye, it could be the last time you do so. The next moment is absolutely not guaranteed. I know this moment could be my last.

So possessions, most relationships, situations, to me are very fungible in behavior. They flow in and out like the wind. This objectively looks to me to be a reality that is random and somewhat incoherent. Just because you were dear friends (family, lover, etc.) with somebody for years, doesn't mean it won't end abruptly tomorrow. Nothing seems permanent.

So, cohesion. It has made cohesion very difficult. Thanks for bringing this up.

 

[Kefira]

For me, I've simultaneously been taught that the world outside is unsafe, and that my own head isn't a refuge.

I'm also in the bunch that has to be careful about media interaction, and I find it really difficult to make and keep connections. I run a lot, psychologically as well as physically moving long distances often when the situations I've accumulated get too overwhelming. Of course that increases isolation. My world is very limited. Either due to my unwillingness to seek out new experiences due to fear, or physically so at the times where I've dealt with crippling agoraphobia. I also have lost a number of very important people whom I love deeply directly due to the ongoing struggles of the disorder. There is a lack of permanency and reliability in my world, when I desperately seek structure.

Meanwhile, I'm alone with myself a lot. And myself is fine when I'm stable, but if I'm unstable then I'm self destructive in a number of ways, detached, and sometimes suicidal. It is not safe to be alone, and everything about this disorder isolates and creates fear of the outside.

 

[JustBe]

I hear you @Kefira .

Seems we're living the same hell. Hang in there.

 

[Whirlwind]

All the risky situations I put myself in

I don't really have a concept of the fabled "normal."

LOL, isn't that the truth?

I feel like I am going to die young and not live to an old age

I can relate to so much here. I love this site, its the only place I feel "normal" ((hugs to all))

My PTSD came later in life and has been slowly dissolving away the layers of my history and my truth to reveal rot and disease. I know I "shouldn't" but I want my denial back, the colorized version of me that kept me sane. I wish I still had it, every tacky pink flamingo and tasteless birthday cake. At least I knew happy back then.

 

[DannyWagg11]

Hi everyone

PTSD took away first of all my ability to think in any sense "rational" especially when it comes to my health and all the horrible physical symptoms left from this condition. Everything is 11 on the 1 to 10 scale, and everything has to be the very worst. It has also taken away plenty of good friends, and my ability to stay with it in school (which brings me some heavy depression, thinking I'll never have the chance to chase my dream of being a comic artist at marvel because I can't handel stressful situations or people in general. I guess my mid 20s too, I'm 28 now and it seems like society wants me to no longer feel good about myself. I feel old, useless, and my life is just walking into wall after wall with no hope of being anything

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Hi Danny
Don't give up, song let the abusers win. You are young and have so much to look forward to in life. I understand when you said you are unable to handle stressful situations and people but that's common , u will do in time . Try and be positive and aim for a goal, being a comic Artist sounds amazing , it's obviously an area where you hve to have talent and you obviously have. It will give you something to focus on Nd and having an achievement , cptsd unfortunately is horrible but we learn to deal and cope with it. I think it's very easy to sit back and allow it to take over your life , I dnt particularly want to go to work every morning and my gosh it's a struggle but i do it coz I dnt want them to win anymore my abusers that is. Try and stay politic I know you can do it. Good luck x

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

Just reread and a few spelling errors lol I don't mean political it's mean to read positive !! predictive text.sorry

 

[Karen12]

It has isolated me and completely sapped my confidence.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

It's made/makes me angry. Angry I got sick. Angry about what the sickness has taken from me. Angry I no longer know where I'm going. Angry I just exist everyday without a purpose.

 

[Ed Norton]

I don't know, lots of things. I'm a minute fraction of who I used be.

 

[Bickslow]

For me it's just time. Time spent sleeping...smiling...wishing...being happy. Time I was painting a grin on while 'having fun' and dying inside. Time I wanted to be talking. Time I want back. At 21 I shouldn't be missing 14-15 years of memory, and have only had months, IF THAT, of abuse free time.