What Would Be The Worst Thing Ptsd Has Done To You ?

[Tinyflame]

Dear @Sammyiam , I learned " 'No.' is a complete sentence" or, "that doesn't work for me". :hug:

The worst thing ptsd & trauma(s) has done to me has been to rob my understanding or what may be the 'norm' for others of feelings & 'beliefs' (trust) that life & people are meant to be (or can be) joyful, beautiful, & safe. To (not) be able to 'forget', or to feel that peace, peace for the past, present, future is a possible reality. I have difficulty knowing for sure what are the PTSD-lies, & I feel over-the-top defective. I find it terribly hard to 'trust' or relax or 'believe'.

 

[Go Hungry]

Oh my gosh, I know EXACTLY what you mean. Thank you for posting this! I have felt exactly the same way and still do sometimes. I thought I was losing my mind. I wanted to live so bad but at the same time I was convinced that I was going to die because I didn't deserve to be alive..

Oh wow, so much this. I remember feeling like I was predestined to die in 2003 for a while. Like, as far back as '98 I believed that and then 2003 passed and I was like.. Well, okay. :confused:

But whenever I get the urge to off myself, it's always because I feel like I don't deserve to live. Like I am just a horrid burden on people and that I would be doing them a favour ultimately. It's always such a strong conviction at the time, and then later I see how wrong it is.

 

[purgemeofthepain]

I guess the worst is the ability to actually LIVE my life instead of sleepwalking through it. Ever since my worst trauma happened I dissociate extremely into a lost reality and I have almost no memory of my whole 20s and my early thirties are a blur. It basically stole my whole life for that period.

Being constantly terrified and on the edge of a flashback with EVERY single stressful thought or minor thing around me is also hell. Can't even tolerate mildly loud sounds at all. I know I'm not alone on that one.

Having to manage my instant emotional flashback as soon as I get in bed before I can even think of sleeping is also something I wish to someday put behind me.

So much I wish I could change from my PTSD symptoms, but it's also given me a sense of purpose and direction (now my goal is to heal and get better) and also an increased sense of awareness, so I guess that's the silver lining for that awful cloud.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Sammyiam If mirrors give you the creeps, and you can't stand it, just try practicing to an imaginary person. Or maybe a stuffed animal. Buy one that represents the person or people that made it so impossible to say NO! to. I bought a lion, it even growls when you squeeze it! I didn't know about the growl until I got it home. Anyway, whatever works!

 

[Britt.f7]

It's taken my laughter away. I'm way too serious. Once in a while I slip. I can be quite a smart alek. Those are fun times.

 

[shell]

Trauma and/or PTSD led to me becoming avoidant of people, emotions and life. It would be safe to say that since I left home at 18 I only have existed, never truly living or relating except on a superfical basis.

I have been running away from people and situations due to a constant fear of being hurt again since I was a young child. I became a robot who pretended to exist, functioning on auto pilot except when triggered. I have lead a very limited life to avoid being triggered. It destroyed my self esteem and self belief.

 

[intothelight]

I am afraid of everything and each day is a struggle to face the fear and live without giving into the symptoms.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have to get a job and I am scared to death, no sense of adventure at all.

 

[AmyO]

I would completely agree that is has destroyed my ability to have a relationship. We argue and I know that what I am fighting for is right but then I start to question if I am doing the right thing. Am I right or should I just be quiet before I get hurt again. They tell me that I don't have an excuse and I have never used it as one but I am tired of being afraid to love someone and get stomped on for it.

 

[charliehotelwhiskey]

Isolation. Not being able to have a close, intimate relationship with a woman because of trust issues. Gave up the dream, years ago, to become a police officer. I am not the same person anymore.

 

[Dark Horse]

The worst thing ptsd has taken from me is the ability to appreciate the wonder and beauty that is life.

 

[JustBe]

PTSD has stolen my possibilities.