Scared All The Time

[Suzetig]

I just had a realisation that I feel scared all the time. It ranges from low level apprehension to full blown panic and terror but there isn't a time of day when I honestly feel completely without fear. I mask it well by faking confidence, I put myself in situations that help me face fear or manage it in some way, eg doing martial arts but I always feel scared.

It shows up in how I let people treat me, what I'm prepared to challenge or not, how I challenge people - I can see the whole fight, flight, freeze response in action at various times in my relationships with others and the way I react to situations. At times i feel totally paralysed and at others like i could fight to the death. I also see it in how I engage in therapy, what I'm prepared to talk about or not. Basically, every area of my life feels infused with fear.

I suddenly feel like I can make sense of me, how I react and respond to situations. im not sure waht i wanted in this thread to be honest, I'm not in therapy again until next week so wanted to share somewhere safe. I also wonder if others recognise this and how on earth did you get over it?

 

[Hope4Now]

It's great you've had this insight! I experience it too, most all the time. I have not gotten over it, but find that all these months of meditation and breathing are helping me manage it a little better. When I first started meditating a little over a year ago, it didn't help at all. But people kept telling me it is a practice, and it's cumulative. They're right. It just took a long time before I started feeling a difference in my responses to life.

 

[Changing4Best]

There are times now when I don't feel the fear. I attribute it to having been in therapy for a dozen years or so (I only go once a month now), visiting this website a lot and belonging to a group of caring women who are all working at losing weight and keeping it off. I have folks I can contact either by phone, in person or online at all hours of the day and night. I think sometimes just writing about it here helps too. Then, logically, for my conscious mind, I know I am no longer anywhere near my abusers. One is dead and the other lives some 600 miles from here, and is possibly dead too. He was in very poor health the last time I was with him, before I finally escaped (after my 17th try!).

I find reading unimportant books helps me to escape, I choose harmless romances that start with a Bible verse, and the characters are not violent at all. This beats watching TV by a mile at least, as there is so much violence on TV. Another thing I do is write poetry or do art. I have a coloring book and crayons and colored pencils too. Anything to calm me and distract me. Crocheting is another calming activity. I know men who knit too, so that is not only for women.

I take prescribed meds too, of course. I am sure they help as well.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Maybe yoga helps too. I don't feel scared all the time, I mainly have a problem with being pissed off but I think being scared is beneath that. Yoga helps with that sort of thing, help get emotions flowing again, so they don't paralyze you/have such a grip on you.

 

[Melody coates]

omg i thought it was only me! Im glad to hear i'm not the only one with this issue. im always scared too. especially aroud other females. they intimidate me and make me nervous and i always think about how i would defend myself if i was attacked

 

[sun seeker]

I also wonder if others recognise this and how on earth did you get over it?

Oh yes, all the time. Can't tell you how I got over it because I haven't. It's part of what PTSD is, isn't it?

I'm glad you've had this insight. Can you explain more about how this helps you see your life differently?

 

[Suzetig]

Thanks everyone - some really helpful suggestions. I usually love reading @SheilaKathy but have really struggled - maybe I need some light, easy reading rather than the heavier thriller type things I usually go for. Meditation and yoga are things I've never really been into, I can't still my mind long enough for one and am not bendy enough for the other but I may need to reconsider and try again.

@Melody coates I know what you mean about wondering how to defend yourself against attack. For me, I seem to see threat in everything so even acknowledging basic needs and asking for these to be met can send me into a tailspin. I've been in tears just asking to leave work because I feel ill, I can't accept care from other people and really don't cope with feeling dependent which causes all kinds of problems. Now I understand it as fear, it makes sense to me,

@sun seeker, it helps me see why I react in the way I do at times. For example, I really struggle to think I've done something wrong so if I make a mistake at work I can tend to overreact and end up either very tearful or wanting to hide away - fight or flight. I can also really struggle to get started on things that scare me, literally paralysed with the fear of it going wrong, or me not being able to handle it etc. I can see how fear impacts in every area of my life, from how I cope in relationships to making career choices to how I respond to conflict. I've found it hard to explain to my therapist all the areas that I find difficult and why so being able to identify this underlying fear will hopefully help me explain some of my odder reactions and find a way forward.

 

[sun seeker]

I really struggle to think I've done something wrong so if I make a mistake at work I can tend to overreact and end up either very tearful or wanting to hide away - fight or flight. I can also really struggle to get started on things that scare me, literally paralysed with the fear of it going wrong, or me not being able to handle it etc. I can see how fear impacts in every area of my life, from how I cope in relationships to making career choices to how I respond to conflict.

Yes, that sounds like fear all right. I have the exact same problems you mention above. It makes normal life a huge struggle. It's mind boggling to realize that most people don't have that fear to contend with while living their lives. I wonder what it would be like to live without it. Like putting down a very heavy backpack you've been carrying up a steep hill, I imagine.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Suzetig the books I read all called Love Inspired from HARLEQUIN ENTERPRISES LTD. There is also a series called Heartsong or Heart Song that I enjoy which is also by them. The former focuses more on the romance itself, whereas the later usually has more characters and is more involved, also keeping one's mind more occupied and less likely to stray into personal thoughts. I can "escape" into one of these books and read it in a day. However, I like to put them down and ponder them a bit now and then during the time I am reading them. So I usually read them over several day time. I'm sure if you Google them, you should be able to find them by one of the above series names or Harlequin itself. Enjoy!

 

[holdenmonty]

looks like one of the symptoms of PTSD is fear. I know for me I tend to call it hyper vigilance but now that I have been thinking about it. It probably is more or less fear/preparedness because I tend to take a glance at everybody where ever I go so I have a visual of where they are and I still tend to always notice where the closest exit is and if I don't have a way to defend myself or a way of escape I get really anxious. But I have been working through it and talking to my therapist. Something that helps me the most when it happens is something called SSTA it stands for Stop, Slow down, think, and Act. The first step which is the hardest is to stop yourself when it happens, slow yourself down, think about what is going on if there is a good reason to be scared and then act accordingly such as if there is a reason to be on alert like the place doesn't look very good it might be a good idea to leave or if you are someplace where you are safe and there isn't a threat then you can do breathing techniques or whatever you need to help yourself not be so on edge.

 

[Suzetig]

That's a really helpful model. For me it's not so much places that don't feel safe as people and relationships which means I can over react to situations that are quite harmless and I do need to slow down those reactions somewhat. Thanks for this.

 

[Suzetig]

So, I had a fairly tough session this week with my therapist - I'm not even sure what made it so difficult but it was hard going. One of the things we were talking about was my relationship with a difficult work colleague and the sense that at times it lapses into "parent - child" relating rather than "adult - adult". The reality is that I end up in conflict with her which makes me panic and can leave me struggling for days at a time to manage my feelings.

Since talking about it, I've realised that she does relate to me as a child, and I respond to her like a child however, my childhood was chaotic, physically unsafe and very scary so the interactions I find difficult with her basically trigger me back to being that terrified child, with all that that entails. Little wonder then that I spend so much time being scared, when I keep getting put back in a place when I was at my most vulnerable and unsupported. Not sure what I do with that knowledge, but it feels like pieces slotting in to place for me.