I Realize That I

[Let It Be]

I realize that after receiving an envelope today from my brother that only included a picture of me from high school, that my brother is still not a safe person for me to talk with.

 

[myheart]

that only included a picture of me from high school,

That sounds disturbing, because what in the world is that supposed to mean? I've had a similar experience. It's disturbing when the intention and meaning is not clear and direct.

 

[Anrish]

I realize that it's still really easy to push me back in my old ways of thinking - so that I will feel small and helpless...

 

[Let It Be]

@Kim500 -
Yes, very disturbing but I finally realized that I needed to stop trying to make sense of my brother's actions.

The last time we did talk, it did not go well. His health is not good but I realized, finally, I had to put me first and to begin to take care of me.

Something like this, helps me to realize that I am doing the right thing as even this has affected me.

 

[rainy_daze]

I realise that I did the right thing yesterday.

[I will no longer take screaming/shouting at me, with little or no provocation other than asking for respect. I will remove myself from these situations. I will not fight, I will not flee, I will not freeze, I will not fawn, and instead I will do what is right for me if I am disrespected or am under verbal attack from a family member.]

I realise that I'm still really pissed off about the above situation, but that I handled it so maturely in two instances. I have nothing to feel guilty for and I just need to deal with the feelings left over and move forward.

[Why am I still being treated like a child, who it is apparently okay to shout at, when I am a fully grown adult. F*ck that!]

I realise that I do need that break and time to myself, and I will need to schedule this in very soon, before I burn out completely.

I realise I'm glad for the hugs back from @Anrish :) and that although crying sucks, I'm lucky I can release some of the feelings inside. Thanks Anrish :hug:.

 

[Tinyflame]

I realize I have almost never have cried ever where anyone might see.

 

[ms spock]

I realise that I need to stop projecting my parents on to everyone. I don't have to get everyone to like me or feel supported by me - I will not be killed.

 

[myheart]

I realise that I did the right thing yesterday.

I wish I could give you more than one 'Like' on that post!

 

[myheart]

where anyone might see.

This may sound crazy, but after I read your post and then looked at your profile picture, I thought it made sense, cuz gentle people and animals 'go to ground' when they are hurt. (((Hugs if accepted.)))

 

[Tinyflame]

@Kim500 , that is so sweet, :hug: (Also, oddly enough.. I think it's true! :wideeyed: . That explains a lot, thank you!) :)

 

[rainy_daze]

@Kim500 thank you :hug:. I sometimes doubt myself, but I'm learning not to. Trusting my gut can be confusing and I sometimes feel guilt, even when I haven't done anything to really deserve it. I'm progressing :).

I realise that some of the "bigger" and harder to deal with emotions are passing. I realise that self care, hoping for the best, playing the waiting game and talking it out with a friend is responsible for that.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I realize that I never back out of being honest anymore, even if it costs me.
I used to be extremely gentle and treat a lot of people with silk gloves.

The gloves have come off and in the process I lost a bunch of people. Because they didn't like what I had to say.
Because if I think a person is brilliant, but also a pain in the ass, I go ahead and say it, even if it means I lose them.