My Therapist Told Me Im Working Too Hard In Therapy

[falling_wave]

My therapist told me im working too hard in therapy and I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's actually the second time she has brought it up and she made an effort to mention it again. She told me I am always working really hard on getting better and analyzing my thoughts and experiences which is good but that I may increase my stress level by doing this. She said it's really important that I accept the times I feel peaceful and not analyze it or read psychology or anything like that. I know she is right but it makes me feel so scared and out of control. If I work hard I am moving myself out of struggles, if I research I decrease stress about not knowing what's going on, if I analyze I am getting answers, and so on. I'm also scared of losing her if I stop trying to work hard. She will think I'm done with therapy even though all that stuff is still right there. I just don't feel like it's in my nature to slow down even though I do want to feel peace. Any thoughts?

 

[Hope4Now]

Lots of thoughts. I'm not sure what kind of therapy you're in, so I don't want to advise. All I can do is share a bit of my own experience. My therapist has made me aware that my "working too hard" is a part of me that is trying to get control of this PTSD stuff. I do a lot of over-thinking and researching and reflecting. It has helped me tremendously in some ways, but also does stress me out too. We are all different in the way our personality parts work together. For me, the intellectual/thinking part is a way to open up access to other more emotional parts in a slower, safer way. But I can go overboard too. It is all about balance. Perhaps you can talk to your therapist about your struggles with this?

 

[Luminous Lotus]

She may be right. What you're doing sounds like the same thing I was doing, and over time I noticed it was slowly draining me of a much deeper emotional energy then the day-to-day stuff. It causes a sort of underlying stress that the little wins of research and things can't do much about. I pretty much ran myself out of that energy and things snowballed pretty badly. The only thing I've found to build up that energy again is just taking some days to relax.

As for your therapist stopping the therapy... I don't know her obviously, but I would imagine she wouldn't stop seeing you just because you decide to slow down a bit per her recommendation. Your problems will still be there, and as long as you can keep communicating them to her then she shouldn't think you're good to go.

I hope this at least somewhat helpful...

 

[Chava]

I've probably over-analyzed for many reasons. I can relate to having a hard time slowing down. But for me, the constant chatter and analyzing in my head was often just a distraction to help me not feel so empty...so sometimes what I told myself was extremely valuable (like I'd find an answer today and my whole life would change) was really not a whole lot more than a preoccupation. It also helped me feel okay with my isolation.

But, when I was really majorly trying to change my life, lots of reading or thinking about things did feel important for keeping me aware and not causing me to mindlessly drop into old habits. That was important. I needed reminders, new ideas, inspiration, and pretty steady awareness. It was like I was trying to rewire the thoughts and language in my own brain, which took a lot of reading, analyzing, reflecting, and writing.

So it might depend on your reasons. I can get a little compulsive about anything and forget how to just "be". But I'd also be a little pissed if my therapist told me I was working too hard because I've heard I'm "too much" in different ways. I don't handle behavioral suggestions very well. But maybe she sees a connection to your stress. Worth considering or talking about more.

 

[darrenS]

She will think I'm done with therapy even though all that stuff is still right there. I just don't feel like it's in my nature to slow down even though I do want to feel peace. Any thoughts?

i think that says it all, in our quest to understand and get better , we do tend to analyze everything which in many cases is entirely natural , however at times we also use logic to analyze our experiences and in doing so can miss some very important points - remember there is no logic as to why we were abused etc and sometimes human behaviour itself can defy all means of logic, so sometimes when we think we have the answers , what we really have is a logical analysis.

I think what your therapist is saying is its good to work hard , but it takes time and patience to truly address and in some aspects resolve our issues. We can also miss what sometimes seems minor points as we are hard at work on the big picture, put simply...slow down and smell the roses ..take your time. Years of abuse cannot be healed or resolved in a short period of time or by working at break neck speed on it

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yep.

My therapist once told me to stop fighting against everything all the time because I needed to rest and learn to accept things for what they are rather than constantly push myself. She was right.

 

[falling_wave]

@Hope4Now I totally relate to intellect opening up emotions to be worked on. It seems to make it all come together in my mind. I do just plain talk therapy. She uses adlerian, family systems, and dome cbt and has a lot of training on trauma.

@Luminous Lotus I thin you are right about communicating the issues with her even though I'm not dwelling on them. Boy is therapy going to be weird though when I'm not bring a bunch of stuff to talk about each time. I'm really going to have to work on not fearing losing her through each session because the conversation slows down but then again maybe it's good to look at that fear.

@Chava it also makes so much sense that these wins are a preoccupation to fill the emptiness. I never thought of this but maybe it's what she sees? When I think about not putting my time and effort into getting better it scares me and maybe that's because I don't know what else to occupy my mind with. It's part of me at this point. We had a conversation today about me being an intellectual and trying to connect with people and fill my mind with other types intellectual material. It seems so broad like I'm not interested in anything but I am going to try because she has never steered me wrong yet.

@darrenS You are right it does take time and patience. This is a skill I am going try try to start working on. I'very always been a where there's a will there's a way type of person and this is all new but I can see that one type of approach is not going to be the right one for every situation.

I really appreciate all of your insight.