Medical Overreacting

[WildMermaid]

Currently feel like I'm two steps from falling apart. Haunted by old voices telling me I never should have been born. That there is something badly wrong with me, and I never should have made it this far. That if this were any other time I would already be dead, as it is survival of the fittest.

Can see that I'm overreacting and and not sure how to to stop. I already have Rheumatoid Arthritis, was diagnosed with the childhood variety at age 9, but this test is alarming me. I eat fish, am careful with not eating greasy things, exercise, am a normal weight, and have low blood pressure. My mom died of Non-Hodgkins "T" cell lymphoma though, so my brain has slipped in neutral and I keep grinding gears. A medical test a C-Reactive Protein test has come back high.
This test is used to:

• Check for infection after surgery.
• Find out if you have an increased chance of having a sudden heart problem, such as a heart attack.
• Identify and keep track of infections and diseases that cause inflammation, such as:
  • Lymphoma (cancer of the lymph nodes).
  • Giant cell arteritis (painful swelling of the blood vessels in the head and neck).
  • Rheumatoid arthritis (painful swelling of the tissues that line the joint).
  • Osteomyelitis (infection of a bone).

 

[digger]

If you already have RA, wouldn't you expect it to come back high? Or do you mean it's come back as higher than expected for someone with RA? Why was the test requested? What does your doc say about it?

Sorry that's all questions - I hope it's nothing to worry about but I know it's hard not to worry with these things.

 

[WildMermaid]

@digger it was higher than expected, but that is all I know so far. My Dr. has not told me me why the test was requested, but I guess I can ask him. I hate dealing with medical stuff as it makes me feel like even more like an :alien: and I've a pretty long standing fear of doctors. Struggling with the feelings of self worth really hit me from out of the blue.

 

[digger]

I hope he is able to set your mind at rest. Could be just monitoring the inflammation levels due to your RA maybe?

I hate medical stuff too. I usually either end up completely minimising stuff or completely overreacting to it! I'm not very good at managing to find the magical balanced response in between the two ;)

 

[WildMermaid]

@digger :hug: thanks for that it is good to know I'm not alone in such things. I'm very nervous, but realize it is currently just mental, that the test could be just tracking the RA which is a known enemy.

 

[mytai]

:hug: @WildMermaid I hope it's nothing new and just because of your existing RA. I'm the same way when it comes to medical stuff - right now I'm being tested for MS (they are hoping it is a spinal cord injury and not MS). I get anxious when they rush tests, which I should be happy about because I don't have to wait, but it just makes me think that they are super concerned with previous results. Can't win, if they were delaying things I'd be upset they weren't taking symptoms seriously, and when they rush it I get stressed and anxious. Hope it was just your Dr monitoring the progression of your RA. You are worth it, and the world would be a dimmer place if you weren't ever born.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I do not and thankfully have never suffered with RA, I cannot sympathis but can empathise as I suffer chronic Joint pains in my spine after my Military Injury all those years ago. That and I send great big Warm UK :hug:

Laurie

 

[asldjfasldjf]

I feel the way you're feeling every day. I don't know any comforting or uplifting words to say, except that I understand. A lot of the time, my thoughts that I shouldn't have been born/don't deserve to live (because I'm sick) come from a place of comparison. I compare myself to other sick people and healthy people. I don't know which is worse. I hope that whatever's going on, the people around you are validating your illness and experience. If they're not, allow me: Your illness and your suffering are real and not up for debate. Your limitations are not negotiable, they are the brick walls you come up against every time you push yourself too hard. Your fear and mourning are painful, yet completely rational.

P.S. Sorry the C-reactive protein test is freaking you out. I've had chronic illness for ten years and have absolutely normal C-reactive protein numbers. If you're taking care of yourself and doing the best you can health-wise, then that number is beyond your control.

 

[DharmaGirl]

You are NOT overreacting. You are just reacting. Hugs. I have Osteoarthritis in my spine, and my CRP is always elevated. I'm sorry you have that, I hope your pain is not too much. I am waiting for test results and I am freaking, and I'm a retired nurse. I think it Is just part of the PTSD. I hope you're fine, and just having a bit of a flare up.

 

[WildMermaid]

*hug* I will wait here with you for your test results @DharmaGirl

 

[DharmaGirl]

Thank you @WildMermaid, the results were all good except for the anemia. I am starting iron transfusions today, and hopefully I will feel more energetic. I am chronically anemic, and every once in a while some doctor decides he/she needs to know why, and they do all these tests that come back negative. Have you talked with your doc yet?

 

[WildMermaid]

. I am chronically anemic, and every once in a while some doctor decides he/she needs to know why, and they do all these tests that come back negative.

Oh how very frustrating! Have you been anemic your whole life? Good luck with the iron transfusions!

I have not. :( I've been too chicken to follow up but will be today. My hands don't work like they used to and I'm trying to figure out how to salvage and heal them before it is too late.