Do You Ever Wonder If It Was Worth It?

[Gadgie]

I sometimes wonder if it's all really worth it? Seems to me that you need a life, reason for being, someone who would miss you, if you were to disappear?

You need a target to aim for, something that needs your attention, someone you can help, share their problems with. That's what is missing in me, I can go for days in end and not meet or even speak with another human being?

It's just a matter if time before all this comes to a conclusion, and if it did, who would know anyway?

 

[sun seeker]

You need a target to aim for, something that needs your attention, someone you can help, share their problems with.

Yes, of course you do. That's part of being human, to need that. We are social beings. We need to connect with others, to have a place in the fabric of society. For all we talk about being independent, we still need that.

I could come up with a lot of platitudes about creating that for yourself, but I'm not doing so great at that myself, so I'll spare you. I just hope it gets better soon for both of us.

 

[Gadgie]

Thanks for that, sounds like you are going through the same thing. I think the problem is that I still haven't got over my wife's death, in fact I still talk to her when I'm in the house.

Some days I feel like I'm coping with things, and I feel a bit more positive, but then suddenly I go into a mood swing, and everything changes, nothing seems to last long, except the solitude!

 

[Panda Bear]

When I would sit in my Ts office and sob with gut wrenching grief, doubled over in pain, telling him that I would do anything to stop the pain.....

When I would hike, hike, and hike till I reached the tallest bluff and then stand on the edge, dreaming of falling till it didn't hurt anymore.....

When I wake up sobbing in my sleep from the nightmares and flashbacks....

Yes, I have wondered many times if it was all worth it. More times than I can count. But I'm still here and so are you, so YES, it has been worth all this and more. A new normal will be created, you are and will be wonderfully whole again. But realizing we must do it and be that way w/o our families certainly hurts like a bitch. It's hard to grieve the loss of what we didn't have and won't ever get back :notworthy:. You'd think it would be easier considering it sucked.

 

[The Albatross]

I boil things down to the most basic components... I'm still breathing... so yeah it's worth it. Interactions though or the lack of them, is it worth the disturbance? Hard to say. Not really at first, more so now... it's a subtle thing that takes practice, persistence, patience, perseverance... (optional prayer)... and what changed? I did. A really just barely noticeable perceptual shift.

I consider though, breathing to be preferable to not breathing. Do you? If so you can SO get this.

 

[katz]

What do I think? I think it's an uncaring thing to say, but whether it is bad or not depends on what...

Thank you sun seeker--your words help me a lot.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@sun seeker i know this is an old post but since someone brought it up to the top I had to write a small something as the exact same thing happened to me. One by one (or a few at a time) my family stopped talking to me, created drama to the point that it was what was talked about every therapy session. My therapist said back away from their drama and I did. In the end, they do their drama thing, get a kick out of isolated their children from me...it hurts but Im a lot more seperated from it. And it was all due to coming out (a small bit, they dont know much) about my past and refusing to lie.

Do I regret it? Sometimes, on days that its really affecting me, days im missing the hell out of my brother etc. But in the end, not one bit. I refuse to lie to make them happy. I refuse to not heal to make them happy. Its my turn to heal and be happy!

Hopefully things have gotten better with your family but dont doubt yourself for a minute. You did the right thing! :hug:

 

[Ronin]

I boil things down to the most basic components... I'm still breathing... so yeah it's worth it.

Team Alba, so much.

If I'm breathing, and less harmed than elsewhere? It's worth it.
Ditto if I'm harmed but freer than I was. Totally worth it.
I'll deal with the rest, later. No time for doubt, and no going back.

 

[sun seeker]

Hopefully things have gotten better with your family

Nope. Same old, same old. I accept how things are now more than I did when I wrote this, though. Whether things would have been better had I stayed in denial is no longer a question in my mind.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I accept how things are now more than I did when I wrote this, though. Whether things would have been better had I stayed in denial is no longer a question in my mind.

You go!!