What Are You Angry About?

[TLight]

So sorry Void, but you are more than your mind. Meditation and study of spiritual scriptures has helped me immensely. We are not our minds.........nor are we our bodies, jobs, incomes, etc.

If we realize this on a very deep level, I think we can be comforted and we are advanced in our development. Mental illness is definately a spiritual journey for me.

Hang in there Void.

 

[void]

Thanks TLight!!:smile::smile::smile::smile:

Void:think:

 

[cyndi]

Mental illness is definately a spiritual journey for me.

How beautifully put. :clap:
Hugs all around. (we are beautiful)
I'm not angry anymore. I took a walk outside by myself for the first time in over a year today.

 

[midi]

So sorry Void, but you are more than your mind. Meditation and study of spiritual scriptures has helped me immensely. We are not our minds.........nor are we our bodies, jobs, incomes, etc.

If we realize this on a very deep level, I think we can be comforted and we are advanced in our development. Mental illness is definately a spiritual journey for me.

Hang in there Void.

TLight's post got me to thinking, Donna Farhi's book, Bringing Yoga to Life, might be helpful here. She talks about the mental and physical struggles we face, anger, anxiety, fear, and how we can learn to deal with being in our own skin. I found it was very comforting to read, to help, and I've read it several times. I'll read it again...

Edit: it's not about yoga positions, but daily life...

 

[Mercy]

:clap:Excellent thread, Cyndi!!:clap:

I fear anger. Anger was severely punished in my little corner of the world. My early life taught me that the only person I was allowed to be angry with was my self. This training has created a self hatred and rage that is steadily damaging my body/mind more and more.

The ultimate accomplishment for the abuser is to cause the abused to take over and spend the rest of their days abusing themselves. My family achieved this lofty goal in spades. I am gentle, kind, thoughtful, and caring to everyone (including them) except me.
Void

Cindi--great thread!! Thank you for starting it.

Thanks, Void for spelling out the abuser's intentions.You are so-so-right! I'm sad for you that your self hatred and rage are attacking your body and mind. I wonder if something that really helped me might take some of the edge off some of that hatred for you. I taught myself, over a few years, not to call myself names. They were the abusers' words. Not Mine. I don't use disgusting, stupid, bitch, whore, worthless, useless, trash, garbage ....any more against myself.

Void,You are created in the image and likeness of God. And all He created is good. We have been handicapped by the wrong use of freewill by others, but we are still and will always be his children whom He delights in and sorrows with. He understands rage and self-hatred and accepts them as part of you. But He weeps and the Holy Spirit with in us prays with deep groaning like a mother giving birth. Remember the kingdom of God is within you and no abuser can touch it because it belongs to God.:Hug_emoticon:

I'm not sure I was even allowed to be angry with myself. maybe deep depression and suicidal thoughts are a type of anger. I have learned so many silence messages through threats, punishment and torture that the thought of being angry with my abusers is impossible. Witnessing their anger, savage and sometimes murderous, let out against children has left me very afraid of anger. My kids used to be able to back me into a corner and all I could do was cry. I've tried to teach them not to yell at me because I freeze and can't remember what they said. They didn't have any tolerance for PTSD either, not that I was direct about anything that happened. I just needed them to know that anger hurts me.

 

[cyndi]

Oh gosh, so much I want to comment on but I'm limiting myself to an hour on the computer each morning so I have to go but what a great opportunity to take back that power. I totally get reacting to anger by curling into a ball and crying...and then getting abused further as a result. We can be angry here, use it as a practice ground. We can say things "the wrong way", be scary angry and release it safely.

I am angry that my ex shows up in my dreams almost nightly. I want him to go, I want the fear to go. I want the door closed to the possibility of ever seeing his face again. This is what terrifies me the most. He has still not let me go, is delusional, 6'2" and I'm angry that I have to consider what I will do if he ever shows up. I'm angry that I have to try so hard to push that out of mind, to give up protecting myself to have sanity. Breathing now, breathing.

 

[cyndi]

I'm angry that it's so hard to have lasting relationships. I don't understand. So many people like me out in the world but I have so few I can pick up the phone and call. So many I have loved, who have loved me but are such unhealthy relationships. Why. why God why? Why am I 34, childless and alone? I want a freaking family. If not my own at least someone's. Why is it the only lasting relationships I have are with my cats? Those I have loved the most have believed they're not good enough and pushed me away. My dreams remind me when I awake that they aren't there. I have loved more than most people I know and I suppose could be thankful for the richness of my life from it, but it hurts, it hurts so much.

 

[nie]

I am angry that I am ill.

 

[Irton Pike]

i am angry that i still have symptoms twelve years after my car crash. and I am angry at my self for relapsing into the hell of PTSD last year. I am angry at myself for not being as good a man or as good a fatehr as i bloody well should be.

I am angry at my ex boss because he used my PTSd against me and literally tried to knock some sense into me. I am angry that he feels he can threaten and shove me about AFTER i have confided in him about my illness.

 

[midi]

I am angry because I hate the internet.

 

[nannydeb]

Angry,such a tiny word to describe the massive feeling that bubble's and boils away inside me.Everytime i look at my grandaughter,i feel such all consuming anger at the driver that nearly took her away from us.Anger that he almost deprived our children of a mom and Dad.Anger that because of him my children had to witness doctors fighting to save my life,twice.Anger that my fear of getting into a car has meant that i spend most of my life at home crawling the walls.I was disabled before the crash,but at least i could go out in the car.Now you have taken that away from me.All because you were late making a delivery and decided to jump a red light.I hate you so much for what you have done to me and mine.I just wish you could see my grandaughter when she has flashbacks to that horrible day,and when she ask's her grandad if his head is better now.She saw him being cut out of the car,she watched the paramedics resusatating me.She was only 3,she shouldn't have those memories at her age.
Why can't i say these things to my councellor?
Thankyou for this thread,good one.
nannydebxxx

 

[jennifer0506]

Im angry that I'm always pushing everyone away with my anger. And I'm angry that my father is so far in denial he isn't going to support me with my Ptsd. And I'm angry that I'm so misunderstood. And I'm angry the only things I recognize as emotions are guilt, anger and sadness. I'm angry that I have so much to be angry about.