To me this sounds like a freeze response. Do you have trouble moving, or being motivated to move, when you are feeling like this? Anxiety is a sympathetic nervous system response while depression is parasympathetic. Both at the same time indicate the conflict held in the body when it can't escape from trauma and wants to run and stay still at the same time. I was just reading an article on this but darned if I can remember where.
This is exactly how I feel. It's like I'm trying to run away, but can't so I try to hide in plain sight - disappear, in a way. I will check out the internet to find out more about this. Thank you for your observation.
Errr hellloooo
@VioletButterfly it sounds like you have been reading from my script!!! I've been / I am exactly the same at the moment, filled with anxiety and my mood is super low. You reached out to me yesterday even though you were feeling like this? Not a hypocrite and no sorry needed. Feeling depressed and anxious sucks arse.
This is why I feel like a crazy person. It's odd to be somewhat able to reach out and try to help another, but confounding that I can't seem to shrink myself into a better headspace. I'm sorry so many others can relate to where I'm at. It's heartbreaking! I do agree that it totally bites - I want a "normal" and steady life, not this trip in the rock tumbler that I'm living through right now.
I don't think you need to say sorry. This is where you get to come and let this stuff out because people will understand and maybe even relate.
I live most days full of anxiety and when the depression joins it, well, it does make it impossible to keep doing routine things. I took a leave of absence from my job this year because I couldn't juggle it all. I couldn't keep up with the emotional and internal mess, be with my family, take care of the house (my husband helps, thankfully), and teach. And though teaching was the best part of my day, it had to be the first to go for now.
I don't know if any of this helps you, but I just wanted you to know that I understand the feelings of anxiety and depression and feeling like your plate is too full. Also, I always feel like I do things wrong- whether or not I do.
I feel kind of at that point right now - like it's just gotten to be too much. It seems to well up and I just fall down on my knees. Thank you for sharing, it really helps to know that I'm not really alone although, again, I'm sorry we are all dealing with this.
I was thinking today I feel the same way.. the anxiety is immense.. the depression & exhaustion comes partly from the inability to manage, also keep up. The stress cup fills more.. to reduce the stress cup with the anxiety= how? It just has become so much (I want to say 'too much' ) for so long to bear.
I'm sorry
@VioletButterfly . :( :hug:
Thanks, Junebug - for everything you posted. It all meant so much to me - all of it, especially the prayer. I think it is the long haul and the weightof it all that is wearing me down, plus I'm not seeing progress but am seeming to breakdown more. That's why I considered IP recently, but I just can't afford it. I have to find a way to navigate life as a grown-up without the knowledge, skills, and tools I need while still trying to sort out and heal the damage that's been done. God is my logical "go to," but right now I'm kind of wandering in shame, so thank you for the reminder.
Very common to be able to offer support/advice to others but not be able to do it for yourself - I'm sure there are plenty of people here like that (I can certainly put my hand up to it!) Doesn't make you a hypocrite at all. Just means you're struggling at the moment and that you need some help from others yourself.
When I have both together, it really feels like I'm losing my mind and that I'm just going to implode. It's relentless. Confusing. Frightening. Exhausting. Are there any ways you can simplify things at the moment to take some pressures off and try to help things to settle? Eg any non-urgent appointments you can postpone?
Sounds like self-care/self-soothing are key things at the moment - take care of yourself.
Thank you. I think, often, I feel so broken that I can't find the words I need to ask for help, so it tends to come out as a big blurb and then I feel ashamed, so I appreciate what you wrote. Also, about simplification - that's a big chore for me that I've been working on for a while. Sometimes I do better than others, but it seems this anxiety makes even the smallest tasks a challenge as I keep second guessing myself. I try to do the right things and most of it goes the wrong way. It's daunting and discouraging. Enter the depression. I am with you on the self-care and have some things planned for the weekend that used to work for me, so we'll see if they work again.
No you are not a hypocrite at all. It is not so easy to help ourselves, and the main reason we see a therapist. I hope you see a therapist to help you with this. It feels as if you are always one step behind in taking control over the things in your daily life, and you know it but can not change it. PTSD to me. I have seen that this can get better during the last few months, but before it got better I had quite a dysfunctional crisis, in which I felt I had lost control of everything. Totally helpless, now it slowly builds to new patterns of thinking and behaving and exerting more control over daily activities.
Thank you for the encouragement. It all seems like recovery is a very long dark tunnel. I do have a counselor. She shared some keen insights with me on Wednesday. I think I'm feeling trapped and without a voice, feeling helpless and worthless. It's what I've been taught my entire life and am still experiencing so I stay triggered. It's good to see when others make progress. I'm happy for them and it also inspires me.
I've got to get back to work, but wanted to try to respond to all of the support, kindness, understanding and encouragement that was offered back to me. Thank you again. Humbly - VB
