I Was Triggered By The Sight Of An Abuser

[Heather]

I feel for you @Saelben My brother in law sexually assaulted me 8 years ago. Four years after the assault, I saw him again in a parking lot. I froze and my world completely fell apart.

I feel your pain. I wish I had some magic answer but I don't. Only to let you know your reaction is very understandable and normal for the situation you were put in.

I wish you peace and healing my friend.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Hey,

I saw you were having a hard time (I passed through chat but people were helping you out already so I figured I would give you guys some space). I´m so sorry you saw that person again, that´s really tough and totally normal that the memories came up as if they were happening again...

When you go through trauma you sort of get stuck, you´ve grown up since then but at the same time you still carry that child within that was hurt so badly, so it´s normal to experience those feelings again.

How I usually look at it is distinguish between my child self that was abused... and the grown up self that is not abused. When your child memory activates, it´s important to care for yourself in the sense of trying to remind yourself of current reality. You did that on chat, tried to ground, those are good techniques.

In situations like that, it helped me to focus on something that could only exist in the present (like my model planes that I built last year), or to talk to myself aloud and say that it has passed but that I am allowed to experience the fear etc. because it´s a normal reaction.

Take care,
:hug: :hug:

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Okay. 24hrs have passed and I'm almost not shaking anymore.

 

[Ronin]

Kudos on getting through it, Saelben.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Just thinking, where the f*ck in my mind was I yesterday. The whole history of posts last night... Whew

 

[Ronin]

In a difficult day place :) Minds do things, it's okay it's seeming different with a different day.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Though, right when I dissociated, and switched to an alter.

I didn't remember anything that happened. But there might be another dark alter in me, not just two, or one learned something. I'm not sure.

Before it was always just two, one that reacts extremely violently, and one that reacts like a f*cking pussy, and does nothing. But this was like some sort of me that took pills and got me home. Got me away from the situation. Without beating the shit out of anyone or crouching in the middle of the town and crying.

 

[Ronin]

one that reacts like a f*cking pussy

Reframe please.
Inaction IS action, and is there for a reason. Often times, 'doing nothing' or actively playing a dead bug can be health, life, sanity saving. For later at least, for sure.

But this was like some sort of me that took pills and got me home.

So see, you figured there are different possible reactions, & that you matter more than some pansy bully, as priorities are to get home and safe enough to fall apart. Learning is good, more options & acting on them is good too.