Hello,
I've been off here for a while, but it was recently the 5 year anniversary of a terrorist attack I witnessed. There was a lovely commemoration on Westminster Bridge, and a reception in parliament for survivors/families of victims. And I thought this would provide some closure, but it just seems to have opened old wounds. Seeing the families of the victims and hearing about them has made it all seem more real. I am now crying constantly and waking up in the middle of the night with nightmares about the attack and then not being able to get back to sleep for hours because of hypervigilance and anxiety. I can't go anywhere without an escape route - I had a panic attack on the tube yesterday because I'm utterly convinced there's going to be another attack.
It also doesn't help that a lot of people from my new job didn't know about my experience, and because it was such big news when it happens, I think people feel like it's ok to ask me about it. So I'm finding myself going over the details over and over again, which is making it worse. But I don't want to admit that talking about it is horrendously triggering because it was 5 years ago so I feel like I should be over it.
I've spoken to a charity that helped me after it first happened, and I'm arranging a phone chat to talk through what happened. But I just feel like I need to get the words out today because I am so on edge and I'm struggling so much, I just feel like I'm on the end of my tether.
Any advice on dealing with anniversaries is most welcomed.
I've been off here for a while, but it was recently the 5 year anniversary of a terrorist attack I witnessed. There was a lovely commemoration on Westminster Bridge, and a reception in parliament for survivors/families of victims. And I thought this would provide some closure, but it just seems to have opened old wounds. Seeing the families of the victims and hearing about them has made it all seem more real. I am now crying constantly and waking up in the middle of the night with nightmares about the attack and then not being able to get back to sleep for hours because of hypervigilance and anxiety. I can't go anywhere without an escape route - I had a panic attack on the tube yesterday because I'm utterly convinced there's going to be another attack.
It also doesn't help that a lot of people from my new job didn't know about my experience, and because it was such big news when it happens, I think people feel like it's ok to ask me about it. So I'm finding myself going over the details over and over again, which is making it worse. But I don't want to admit that talking about it is horrendously triggering because it was 5 years ago so I feel like I should be over it.
I've spoken to a charity that helped me after it first happened, and I'm arranging a phone chat to talk through what happened. But I just feel like I need to get the words out today because I am so on edge and I'm struggling so much, I just feel like I'm on the end of my tether.
Any advice on dealing with anniversaries is most welcomed.