I have to be the one to initiate it or it infuriates me, honestly, and I've felt that way my entire life. I like to choose and pursue and then I like when the person flirts back, after I've already decided on them and made my intentions and hopes obvious. I cannot stand feeling stalked, pursued, or manipulated, particularly by a man, and that's how I feel when someone else intitiates and then doesn't back off when I am clearly not interested. As soon as my current partner had his breakdown and pushed me away, all of his friends started trying to hit on me, even the married ones, and I felt like I had been thrown to the wolves and I'm still sick over it. I see men as overwhelmingly predatory and opportunistic and they rarely prove me wrong (and I'd say that a majority of women who were sexually assaulted and abused feel this way). Men act like I should be flattered by their attention when I just want to be left alone and then they keep bothering me after I've made it clear that I'm not interested, trying to get me into bed with them when they know that I am vulnerable. It's like they think that I am stupid and they need to pounce on me while I'm already heartbroken and 'weak' and there's a race to see who gets to me first. There's one guy that isn't even that close to my partner who, after I rejected him, told me something like, "Your partner told me that you're his crazy ex-girlfriend and he wishes you'd just leave him alone and you're humiliating yourself, so why would you be trying to hold on to someone who just disrespects you and doesn't want you at all?" That is a cruel thing to say and I knew my partner wouldn't have said such a thing to this man in particular because they aren't even close (and, when I asked my partner directly, he denied it and was furious and wanted to know who said it). I ghosted all of these guys on Facebook, literally just stopped signing in, and now one of them downloaded another app to contact me on and sent me a picture of himself twice and keeps saying, "When am I going to get a picture back?" and asking me to video chat, and I still haven't been responding, but he won't go away. And I'm in the horrific position of not wanting to burn all of these bridges in case my partner gets better and wants to stay together, but then again, he wouldn't want to stay friends with any of these people. I shouldn't be having to deal with any of this, though, and it's amazing how insensitive these men are being, but sadly not surprising. A lot of times a man is like I'm flirting with you, I'm pursuing you, you should be grateful for my attention, and it's terrifying and it's harassment and there's nothing enjoyable about it at all. I feel forced to respond and I know I'm not going to respond favorably and then they are going to freak out. I flatout told a man that I'm not interested in him or dating at all recently and that I don't consider myself single and he called me a "stupid bitch" and was like, "You'll learn your lessons the hard way, stupid Taurus. I won't fight for someone who won't fight for me." That was someone that was a 'professional' acquaintance at best. Men don't like to take no for an answer and they act like they're entitled to you as a person and they don't handle rejection well. I hate all of it. If my partner and I never get back together, I have no plans to date again. I used to tell my partner that being in love was terrifying because it's like you rip your heart out of your own chest and put it in someone else's palm and beg them not to smash it or drop it and just try to trust them. It was an uncomfortable feeling for me, being that vulnerable, and I won't repeat the gesture anytime soon. If my partner does want to stay together, I now need lots of therapy and we would need couple's counseling to work through how much his sudden abandonment has destroyed me as a person.
Anyhow. I liked it when my partner and I were good together for the 8 years before his breakdown. I liked him complimenting me and flirting and touching me. I did choose him, though, and felt an odd love at first sight feeling with him. When I trusted him, I felt positively about him flirting with me. I would not like it if any man just started flirting with me, though, and I'd feel suffocated and scared. One of the nicest things about being with my partner was actually that when we were together, no other men dared to approach me or try to flirt with me or even look at me. It contributed a lot to my feelings of being safe when I was physically with my partner. That is sad in and of itself. Like, as a female, I feel the need to have a man to protect me from other men.
Question... when you went to hug your girlfriend and she interpreted it as assault, was she already having a panic attack or did she try to push you away or did you refuse to let her go? Or was she simply triggered by you approaching her at all?
I've definitely had moments where I would do anything to get away from a man and out of his arms. I wouldn't call the cops on him and lie about him assaulting me, but if someone tried to hold on to me and not let me go, I would start fighting and I wouldn't be able to tolerate them. Feeling trapped by a man is definitely a huge trigger to me.
I hope that something here answered your question or made sense. From the perspective of someone who has CPTSD from being sexually abused.
